This Muslim Girl

Anyway the only reason I am pursing this girl is so my parents will be proud of me, and they will think that I've changed and begin loving me again.

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I've been seeing this really pious Muslim girl, we are not in a relationship. Because that's haram, But we both like each other, everything was cool between us.

But the only problem is that she doesn't know I am a ex-Muslim, and basically she makes my world black and white, her personality is bland and her life revolves around her doctrine.

She don't even listen to Music, because she doesn't approve of the explicit lyrics which might insinuate "sexual thoughts".

So one day we were in the car and sitting in traffic in pure silence. So I started getting irritated and incredibly bored, and felt slightly mischievous.

Soooo I switched on the radio, and had a random outburst and started skanking/dancing to P Money a grime artist on full blast. She was shocked looked at me like I was mad.

Anyway the next day I called her that evening and the conversation was getting tiresome, so I felt mischievous again and began blatantly asking x-rated questions, she was gasping acting horrified by my sudden change in behaviour and said she didn't want to be with me any more. So I "apologised" and told I was going to change and begin reading the Q'uran everyday, and would stop my rebellious ways.

And since then she doesn't pick up my calls, and ignores my texts. I am apprehensive she doesn't want me any more.

What do I do to get her to like me again?

Anyway the only reason I am pursing this girl is so my parents will be proud of me, and they will think that I've changed and begin loving me again.

I just don't know if me and this girl work especially considering I am quite rebellious and love breaking rules.

Be With someone who makes you happy and who you can be yourself around. You don't have to go pleasing others just yourself or in the long run you may regret it

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I agree, but if I end up marrying a westernised girl who doesn't adhere to wearing an hijab or reading of the Q'uran.

Then I am afraid my family will continue to push me away and shunning me from their lives.

I have quite a large family and they all pretty much despise me for admitting to being a "kufar".

I don't know, maybe I should just end it. I don't want to end up living unhappy or depressed after all.

I've been seeing this really pious Muslim girl, we are not in a relationship. Because that's haram, But we both like each other, everything was cool between us.

Anyway the next day I called her that evening and the conversation was getting tiresome, so I felt mischievous again and began blatantly asking x-rated questions, she was gasping acting horrified by my sudden change in behaviour and said she didn't want to be with me any more. So I "apologised" and told I was going to change and begin reading the Q'uran everyday, and would stop my rebellious ways.

And since then she doesn't pick up my calls, and ignores my texts. I am apprehensive she doesn't want me any more.

What do I do to get her to like me again?

Anyway the only reason I am pursing this girl is so my parents will be proud of me, and they will think that I've changed and begin loving me again.

I just don't know if me and this girl work especially considering I am quite rebellious and love breaking rules.

Sounds very selfish if you ask me.

Leave her.

I agree, but if I end up marrying a westernised girl who doesn't adhere to wearing an hijab or reading of the Q'uran.

Then I am afraid my family will continue to push me away and shunning me from their lives.

I have quite a large family and they all pretty much despise me for admitting to being a "kufar".

I don't know, maybe I should just end it. I don't want to end up living unhappy or depressed after all.

Who's selfish, me or my family?

You.

As'alamualaikum brother..
I would like to give you advice on two main bits that I have highlighted.
Firstly, so you apologized and yes that was a sensible thing to do however, when you told her you would change, then is that "change" for her? or Allah (swt)?
- Only change yourself in a good way, for the fear and love of Allah (swt).
I would personally say that it is better not to make any type of contact with her, stay focused on your deen, try your very best to get closer to Allah (swt) & Insh'Allah she will slowly realize that you actually are trying your best to change for the sake of Allah (swt).
- If you try with full faith then Allah (swt) will surely help you.
Secondly, the only reason your pursing the girl is so your parents will be proud. Right?
- Prophet Muhammad (saw) said:
"The happiness of Allah (swt) is in the happiness of the parents and the displeasure of Allah (swt) is in the displeasure of the parents." (Hadith)
Ponder upon this hadith.
- Change yourself first, in a good way for the sake of Allah (swt). The day you'll know that your the reason behind your parents smile, then that is the day that Allah (swt) is happy with you.

What, why?

How in the world am I being selfish?

Anyway the only reason I am pursing this girl is so my parents will be proud of me, and they will think that I've changed and begin loving me again.

I agree, but if I end up marrying a westernised girl who doesn't adhere to wearing an hijab or reading of the Q'uran.
Then I am afraid my family will continue to push me away and shunning me from their lives.

This is great advice, but I am not Muslim, I find no peace or happiness in Islam, being threatened by the prospect of the hell fire for committing a sin, sounds wrong to me and not something I need hanging on my thought like a dark cloud.