Should I marry him? Please can I have some advice?

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"By the rose bush" kinda teenage film is this

He's loaded so go for it

I'd advise against marriage at such a young age personally.

However, this is something you must figure out. If you feel he is of the right character, you have a spark with him, chemistry, attraction, he is caring and will look after you, and, most importantly, that you're ready for a (hopefully) life-long commitment like this, then yes, its something to consider.

In any case, you need a long engagement period.

Reply 42

missdiorxx

WOAH! Guys, how come we completely missed the fact that she wrote SOMETIMES SHE'S SCARED THAT HE'LL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER.
I know that you wrote that you know he wouldn't, but how do you know for sure?
It sounds strange considering he's ten years older than you, you're not dating, he's SECRETIVE, mysterious, paying for your dance, and then he kissed you.
A ten year age gap is fine, but not when you're a teenager.
There's no problem with getting married young, but from what it sounds like you're too scared about it and I think you subconsciously doubt him. The fact that you said he's secretive shows you can't be in an open relationship - how can you trust him?
It sounds romantic what he's done for you, but you don't seem too wowed by it - only your mother and your friends.
Your mum sounds like a gold digger as well. So don't trust her.
Ask your self this:
If I'm with him will I be happy?

Reply 43

llys

IMO marriage isn't about some romantic notion of "love"; marriage is about stability, (possibly children) and growing old together.

Make sure you know him well enough for that. Personally I think you need to have a job, have sex and live together before you get married (not necessarily in that order).

Reply 44

Thomb

Original post by missdiorxx

Well perhaps an inexperienced virgin 19 year old is frightened of anybody taking advantage of her, after all she is a virgin.

Reply 45

Ebaysass

Original post by Rock Fan

Yeah not saying it don't work but so many people who married young have said to me how they wish they had waited and had a life first.

I agree, my sister being a prime example for me! In my opinion you don't need a document or ring to declare your love. (Although i do intend to get married one day! Lol!)

Reply 46

Thomb

ffs he paid for ballet lessons whoopee dooo..... does not mean he's loaded.

Reply 47

MrsSheldonCooper

Original post by mariam687

I'm just giving my own advice, God..
I'm not forcing her to follow it.
why start a debate? she is only asking for help and guidance..
everyone gives different advice..

lmao

You seem so naive tbh.

Reply 48

Thomb

Original post by llys

That's far too logical for someone who's just lost her father and has an older 'mysterious' philanthropist to pay for her ballet shoes. She is replacing her father with a foreign body. ffs

Reply 49

MrsSheldonCooper

Original post by Ned Stark

You got your whole life ahead of you, why get married so early?

What seems to be bothering me is that OP sounds very naive. She should be out there enjoying romance/dating. Not tied down with marriage to some guy who might be loaded but doesn't know her at all.

Reply 50

soIiIoquy

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

You seem so naive tbh.

Reply 51

MrsSheldonCooper

Original post by mariam687

Genuine question. If you were OP and married the guy because Mummy told you to, and he turned out to be abusive, what would you do? Would you stay with him because Mummy knows best or not?

Reply 52

999tigger

I'm more surprised her mum is telling her to and this person thinks its ok to go straight to proposal. I can only think its a cultural thing.

Reply 53

Anonymous #2

Don't listen to TSR. It's full of people with a different view point on marriage, many believe marriage is pointless. Many promote promiscious sex - not all , but many, not most. Many have very little life experience.

I can't recommend anything to you, but TSR is the worst place to ask.

Reply 54

Thomb

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

Genuine question. If you were OP and married the guy because Mummy told you to, and he turned out to be abusive, what would you do? Would you stay with him because Mummy knows best or not?

Theres no hint of him being abusive in the OP. so why imply that he might be? Just because he's older and 'mysterious doesn't correlate with him being abusive in any way.

For all you know the OP might turn out to be abusive in her later years.

Reply 55

Anonymous #2

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

What seems to be bothering me is that OP sounds very naive. She should be out there enjoying romance/dating. Not tied down with marriage to some guy who might be loaded but doesn't know her at all.

Wow.

The guy has been looking out for her and after her and her family for a very long time. He actually has shown he cares and has shown virtue and morality. Not only are her friends for it, so is her mother, who deeply cares about her. She's also physically attracted to him, and maybe even emotionally attracted also.

Now, what you are trying to advocate to the OP is hey, marriage is pointless at 19, go and date guys, go through many, maybe half a dozen men who maybe want you as a temporary sex buddy and unlike the guy in the OP, actually WOULD take advantage of you, and throw away the chance to be with someone close to your family, has shown he will look after you and be there and actually stick around.

OP, do not take her advice.

Reject marriage depending on the guy at hand, NOT what this user has told you.

Reply 56

EllainKahlo

You sound like you know diddly-squat about this guy, so why say yes? You don't need to rush into a decision. If you have to ask whether you're ready or not, to a bunch of teenagers, it's evident that you're not ready. If you were, you would have said yes already. I recommend you keep things as they are, until you actually know that it is what you yourself want. He sounds nice, but not every nice person you meet should be a candidate for marriage, just because they've done stuff for you. Especially stuff you didn't ask for.

Reply 57

Anonymous #2

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

What seems to be bothering me is that OP sounds very naive. She should be out there enjoying romance/dating. Not tied down with marriage to some guy who might be loaded but doesn't know her at all.

He's sort of known the family for three years, has spoken to her on many occasions and has supported the family. I wouldn't call that knowing her totally, but he definitely knows her fairly in a sense, and has proven he has other good qualities.

Put the loaded aside, and look at what else he has done for her and her family.

Reply 58

soIiIoquy

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

Genuine question. If you were OP and married the guy because Mummy told you to, and he turned out to be abusive, what would you do? Would you stay with him because Mummy knows best or not?

lmaoo, we're going off the topic m8, read the title, shes asking for advice not start some debate..

but yeah, i would marry the guy because "mummy" told me to, judging by how OP has described him as, he seems nice, he's helped her through the hard times.
And if he was abusive, im sure my "mummy" would tell me to leave him for the best. She wouldnt force me to stay with an an abusive husband.

why think about the negative sides, what about the positives?
OP dad passed away, maybe getting married my might her happier and satisfied ?