My conversation skills are terrible

Original post by SeanFM

I know the feeling :moon:

.

As do I.

Reply 4

samina_ay

18

Same. Absolutely terrible with strangers..

Reply 5

Original post by samina_ay

Same. Absolutely terrible with strangers..

Even with people I know, in my case. :erm:

Spoiler

Reply 6

Original post by TheOtherSide.

Even with people I know, in my case. :erm:

Spoiler

Do you get this with certain people? I have a really good friend from uni, I feel completely comfortable around her but I just can't hold a conversation, it's like we have nothing in common whatsoever. But we do :lol:

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Exaxtly the same! Unless I'm 75% comfortable with them and see them on a regular basis the conversation has so many blanks.
I've been out of school for a few months so due to illness so I only go in some of the time and it's awful not being able to interact with people properly.

Reply 8

samina_ay

18

Original post by TheOtherSide.

Even with people I know, in my case. :erm:

Spoiler

I get that alot too. But working on it. Ask questions about the person and then they'll never shut up. You might find something in common too.

Reply 9

Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob

Do you get this with certain people? I have a really good friend from uni, I feel completely comfortable around her but I just can't hold a conversation, it's like we have nothing in common whatsoever. But we do :lol:

Yes I do! One friend I go on the bus with almost every day, except I can never find anything to talk to her about. And when I do, the conversation dies out pretty quickly.

I'd try to help you with that, except I honestly have no idea how this whole conversation dilemma thing works.

And I kind of wish someone could help me with my own dilemma.

Reply 10

troubadour.

Original post by SeanFM

I know the feeling :moon:

.

Original post by TheOtherSide.

As do I.

Me three.

Reply 11

Original post by samina_ay

I get that alot too. But working on it. Ask questions about the person and then they'll never shut up. You might find something in common too.

Asking questions doesn't always work when the person I'm talking to doesn't talk a lot themselves though..

What do I do then?

Reply 12

Original post by SmileyVibe

Ask Q's about people! Not asking people questions makes you look uninterested. Do not ask Q's that go deep in their business and personal life. For instance, don't ask people why their parents divorced and why they have one daddy or mommy. Thats a sign not to go deeper into the topic.

If someone tells you something give a honest or argreeable response. You don't suffer from anything unless you have anxiety. Other than that you're not that good at talking to people.
I'm also introverted and have maybe 3 friends at most. Sometimes I can connect to people in one conversation. Do not just talk to anyone. Make sure they're friendly. The people who look mean or rude, stay away.

Practice asking causal questions about people like their favorite movie, and always sound interested. Never dig too deep. Good luck. Some people you naturally vibe with.

I would disagree with some of this, while it's good to ask questions about people, a conversation has two sides, you should reveal for everything you ask, at risk of it being an interrogation. If you don't talk about yourself you might also be thought disinterested or arrogant.

If you avoid uncomfortable questions such as 'why did your partners get a divorce' or 'why did you breakup with your ex' it can make conversation quite shallow. Those questions usually create significant emotional bonds, you don't go around telling everyone these things, if they trust you enough to confide in you and you ask them, this is excellent conversation and you should lend an ear. At the same time be sensitive and understand if they don't want to talk about it, try not to probe if they direct the conversation elsewhere.

As for giving honest and agreeable responses, sometimes these are not consistent, I have a good friend who once asked me if he was an idiot for dating a girl I had expressed a disliking for, I said you're damn right you are. I was right, he avoided me for a bit tbh, but after he trusted me a damn lot more. Never compromise integrity for the sake of being agreeable.

Also, mean looking people can actually be quite nice, and nice looking people can be nasty pieces of work, avoid anyone who is into anything dangerous, but unless you get serious creep vibes don't exclude someone just because they look a bit on the defensive. Maybe their parents got divorced recently :tongue:

Finally, if questions are too casual people will get bored, you must be willing to ask deep questions, even to laugh over them, otherwise you'll get generic responses, a mask people put up to avoid looking bad in public.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 13

Original post by Hydeman

Me three.

We might as well have all of TSR conceding to this. :lol:

Reply 14

Original post by TheOtherSide.

We might as well have all of TSR conceding to this. :lol:

I only get it on certain people (like my friend above) and sometimes when i'm a bit in a strange mood, otherwise I usually carry the conversation :biggrin:

Reply 15

Original post by TheOtherSide.

Asking questions doesn't always work when the person I'm talking to doesn't talk a lot themselves though..

What do I do then?

Not much, they won't open up to you if they don't trust or feel comfortable with you, they might not open up to you at all, simply because they have nothing to say sometimes, or are thinking deeply about something else.

At the risk of giving too much away an ex was almost mute when we met, she rarely spoke at all, I simply waited to the point she felt comfortable, listened carefully and didn't interrupt when she did speak, and try not to say anything that shut her down and put her on the defensive.

Reply 16