First some background.
She has always made it clear that she finds me unattractive (although once she said not ugly). This always stung a little bit and occasionally triggered a couple of days of a crush (i think because of the challenge it poses) but i get crushes on loads of girls and they're generally short lived. if they aren't i can generally (though not easily ofc) get rid of them in a few days. This was even while on Mandy, which is a drug that makes you love those around you, so I thought "simply can't happen then" and have been content to be her best friend, but i wouldn't tolerate her thinking of me as some kind of gay best friend, and our relationship reflects that. She's also quite pretty but not exceptional in any way.
Onto my issue. There might be unnecessary detail here, but i'm trying to put in every single piece of the jigsaw puzzle so we can figure this **** out.
After drinking and playing pool as we always do we decided to watch two films. She is obsessed with one called little big hero 6 or something and i said i wouldn't watch crap like that unless she watched a good film with me afterwards. So after her film i stuck on Heat, which is a master work. I forgot that Heat was a nearly 3 hour monster of a film, so we were half way through at like nearly 4am. Her hips were pointed away from me as we lay parallel to each other, which generally means a girl isn't interested i think.
At some point she went down stairs, and came back having put nice smelling dry shampoo in her hair, then when she sat back on the bed she did it at a sideways angle, which made it impossible for her not to lean into me. Though she did separate us with a pillow. So she's leaning on me and i have my arm around her. Not that unusual. After about 5-6 cans each over the course of the night we're both fairly drunk but not compared to a night out. After a while she started slowly going to sleep on me, so i put both covers under her, turned the film off and put my coat over her. Then i snuck out my room and took a dump.
Coming back i looked at her and thought "wtf do i do now, im not sleeping on the ****ing floor". So i decided to pick her up and move her to a different part of the bed so i could get in. This woke her and then when got into a more natural position in bed, but then suddenly she wrapped her legs around one of my legs and her arms around my chest and we stayed like that for a while. Then i felt her fingers rubbing my back, and so i thought "**** it, might as well" and grabbed her leg, which led to us kind of dry humping each other while i grabbed her arse. Then i moved in for the kiss, she was awake but pretended not to be (like, why?) and she kissed back until suddenly stopping. We kissed a few times and should kiss back until after 3-5 seconds stopping the kiss and shaking her head, while at the same time feeling me up! How can i make sense of all this?!
We also held hands.
After my alarm went off we went to the accommodation- village cafe to eat breakfast like we often do and acted as if nothing had happened.
So my problems are this:
How is it possible she finds me unattractive but this happened?
presumably alcohol was involved in this, but why now when we weren't that drunk and no drugs were involved? If this is the factor that makes a difference, then that diffference shouldn't have occurred at this time, but instead some other.
I think she was too distracted by me to enjoy the amazing film that is Heat as much as she should have.
If i want this to go somewhere, what is my next move?
If i don't, what is my next move?
What am i supposed to think about this? I don't know if im uncomfortable or happy but i can't stop thinking about her. What is this and how can i make it stop? Do i want it to stop? wtf is this
I'm dying for cigarettes but my card is cancelled, so i need her for fags, so if i want to keep a distance from her how can i do that?
Soz for long post. That's about all guys.