I got bullied pretty much every day for 5 years AMA

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I started being bullied quite aggressively from age five or six. I am not really sure why but I have come to assume that having moderate Asperger's was a strong contributing factor. I was pretty much designated and open game.

The verbal abuse was pretty heavy but you get over it fairly quickly. From time to time there were various forms of physical abuse such such as kids ganging up and trying to lynch you, throwing stones at you, pushing you down the stairs from behind, stealing your things and destroying them or throwing them out of reach, etc. Kids at that age figure out if you're different pretty quickly. As someone with Asperger's I probably came across as weak, a runt and their animal instinct is to destroy runts, but it also gave some of them an outlet for dealing with troubles at home as well. Extreme exclusion was a given.

Unfortunately at the time Asperger's wasn't well known and I was a special case unique among hundreds of kids and not explained by the well known conditions such as ADHD, mental retardation, etc. I have not pursued a diagnosis since because the point at which meaningful help can be given has long passed.

The community I grew up in was poor with my family also living in poverty. People there weren't all nice or stable. You don't really know people until they are in that situation. It brings the best and worst out of people. Sadly, when you're at the bottom of the barrel while some are down on their luck, a significant portion are there because that's what they deserve and they make life a misery for all.

Persecution became a normal part of my life. As you grow older however people have more self control and the abuse tends to fade. Ironically however it was when I learnt to let go of self control that the abuse waned and physical attacks stopped. I think that if I hadn't learnt to completely lose it and go insane, frightening the assailants, I would have never learnt to set a boundary and the physical abuse would have continued for a few more years. Around the end of primary school and into secondary school it became more a matter of verbal/psychological abuse than physical. Once you're an adult direct bullying ceases as adults are far less animalistic.

Looking back at it I am not sure how I feel. It took me a long time as an extreme loner before finally learning to be able to be comfortable around people. The abuse certainly has had an emotional and psychological impact which isn't always positive. I believe as a result that I am more prone to negative emotions as a result of it. It took a long time to get over the social anxiety that it induced.

Having been alone and excluded for so long it has become very hard to form lasting relationships. I spend a lot more time on my own and don't go out of my way to keep in touch with people. A darker side of it is the masochism during youth that results and that it is very hard for me to have a relationship without craving some types of abuse from the partner. When you've grown up with nothing but abusive relationships, it inflicts a toll.

On the other hand I developed a very strong sense of independence from it which can be very empowering sometimes. It becomes a form of tough love that makes you stronger in ways rarely seen as much today. Some would almost consider it a privilege.

A depressing aspect is that I am shocked today by people's sensitivity towards silly "offensive" things. I really have to wonder how cosy people have had things to behave in such a way that they attack freedom of speech against anything, even a fact that might hurt their feelings.

If I can get over years and years of kids trying to get my to commit suicide with various forms of psychological abuse then so can anyone else. I just cannot believe how soft and draconian people are today. Sticks and stones. I preferred it when things were tough. At least you could speak freely. Nothing hurts feelings more than not being able to speak freely.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 21

Siberiaan

I was just joking lol , dw i have nothing against you and i don't hate you

Reply 22

davidguettafan

Original post by brainhuman

Do you sometimes fantasize about killing all of your tormentors?

Best not to say :smile:

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Reply 23

username1539513

Original post by TSR Mustafa

I was just joking lol , dw i have nothing against you and i don't hate you

Of course you don't, that's why you keep replying to me in every thread you see me post in -_-

Thank you

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Reply 26

Id and Ego seek

If you could tell your abusers one thing today what would it be?

Reply 27

username1539513

Original post by TSR Mustafa

Reply 28

markvr

Wow that's horrific. How did you cope?

Reply 29

davidguettafan

Original post by Id and Ego seek

If you could tell your abusers one thing today what would it be?

That they are disgusting human beings and have ruined my life.

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Reply 30

davidguettafan

Original post by acupofgreentea

I've said it before, but I'm sorry you had to go through that. Having to endure that for five years, it's no wonder you're still affected by it, as you've said in previous posts - it's a shame that some people choose to have a negative effect as opposed to a positive one. Hopefully you're in a better situation now? :hugs:

Have you thoughts about talking to someone professionally about what you've went through?

Hope your night is going well. :smile:

Edit: Okay, my question was answered above. :erm:

What was it about counselling that you think didn't work for you?

Counselling didn't allow me to get any sort of justice or revenge, although I am unsure how I can ever get revenge?

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Reply 31

Id and Ego seek

Original post by davidguettafan

That they are disgusting human beings and have ruined my life.

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Powerful. More power to ya.

Reply 32

beautifulbigmacs

Counselling helped me in a way that goes beyond words with this kind of thing. I recommend it.

Reply 33

champ_mc99

What time period (e.g secondary school)?

How old are you?

Was it mostly physical?

Do you know why (e.g. racial, religious)

Reply 34

davidguettafan

Original post by beautifulbigmacs

Counselling helped me in a way that goes beyond words with this kind of thing. I recommend it.

As I said counselling didn't work for me unfortunately as it doesn't give me any sort of closure or revenge on the bullies.

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Reply 35

Zargabaath

I've just realised, that emoji is your name.
It's literally an Angry, Red Head :tongue:

Reply 36

Zargabaath

Original post by davidguettafan

As I said counselling didn't work for me unfortunately as it doesn't give me any sort of closure or revenge on the bullies.

The trouble is, you'll never get closure or revenge from them. They'll likely become perfectly normal members of society with great lives.
The only thing you can do is to ensure you don't let it ruin your life, because they certainly aren't thinking about you. I know it's way easier said then done, but you need to move on past it. Counselling is there to help you come to terms with what happened and moving past it in a constructive manner. Give it another shot, what's the worst that could happen?