Relationship advice needed
I've been dating this guy for just over three months now and recently I haven't been feeling into it. I've been going over the pros and cons of dating him and can't come to a conclusion of whether or not to stay with him. I need some advice of whether I'm overreacting over his negative traits.
Cons:
- He never tells me himself if he has a problem, he always tells our mutual friend first and makes them give me hints on how to improve the relationship. A few weeks ago it all built up, he rang me and said if I couldn't change myself then he would leave me.
- He makes me mad on purpose, he told me he does this to invoke a response since I don't really give him enough attention apparently? He said he would rather make me angry and have me say something to him, than just having emotionless replies (which is complete ******** since I do care about him, I just wasn't aware that he wasn't getting enough love because he never told me).
- He insults me jokingly way too much. I have told him that it hurts me when he calls me fat etc. but he laughed and called me insane for thinking that he meant the insults because I'm not at all fat. I have been quite insecure about my looks for most of my life because I was called anorexic in secondary school so it doesn't really help my anxiety when he says stuff like that.
- He wakes me up at ridiculous times in the morning and expects me to happily greet him or satisfy his needs. I wouldn't mind if I wasn't so tired all the time, but he doesn't let me sleep which makes me even more grumpy.
- He always looks at other girls and comments on their butt, clothes or how hot they are etc. When they walk past he sometimes turns around to look back at them. I told him that it annoys me since I never look at other guys obviously and say how hot they are. I wouldn't mind if he looked at them subtly, but it isn't really necessary to make such a huge show of it.
- He's obsessed with money - his family is really rich compared to mine and his parents obviously look down on my family. My family isn't poor, we're fairly well off yet we are nothing compared to his family. He is always expecting me to buy designer brands or spend money on shoes - I have never been the sort of girl to buy loads of clothes, I'm comfortable just buying the clothes I need, not splashing money out on every cute thing I see.
- He's overconfident - don't get me wrong, confidence is good, but this is really unattractive. For example, I told him about this guy who I used to like because he asked me about other guys I was interested in before him. He kept pestering me to show him a picture of him yet I refused and he kept going on about him for ages. A few days later one of my friends pointed out the guy who I used to like and my boyfriend laughed when he saw him and said he was ugly and didn't have anything to worry about. He's also very overconfident about studies. We'd be studying for an exam and he'd laugh at me if I didn't understand something, or if I explain something to him, at the end he'd be like '"oh was that it? that's easy". Yet he is always the one in our friendship group to get the worst grades...
Pros:
- He's super sweet to me when we're alone and makes me feel happy most of the time.
- He always comforts me when I'm upset and makes an effort to cheer me up.
- He always organises dates which he knows I'll enjoy, so he asks me what I'm interested in etc. then plan something from that.
- We have extremely similar music tastes so we can show each other new music we've found and enjoy it.
- We both watch similar kinds of films and anime.
- We have similar interests too, we play almost the same sports and like doing the same things.
- If someone else upsets me, he always makes sure to resolve the conflict and talks to the other person to get the whole story.
-----
This post is much longer than I expected it to be, tl;dr: unsure about relationship with boyfriend since I feel suffocated and always worrying that I'm going to do something wrong and he'll break up with me.
Cons:
- He never tells me himself if he has a problem, he always tells our mutual friend first and makes them give me hints on how to improve the relationship. A few weeks ago it all built up, he rang me and said if I couldn't change myself then he would leave me.
- He makes me mad on purpose, he told me he does this to invoke a response since I don't really give him enough attention apparently? He said he would rather make me angry and have me say something to him, than just having emotionless replies (which is complete ******** since I do care about him, I just wasn't aware that he wasn't getting enough love because he never told me).
- He insults me jokingly way too much. I have told him that it hurts me when he calls me fat etc. but he laughed and called me insane for thinking that he meant the insults because I'm not at all fat. I have been quite insecure about my looks for most of my life because I was called anorexic in secondary school so it doesn't really help my anxiety when he says stuff like that.
- He wakes me up at ridiculous times in the morning and expects me to happily greet him or satisfy his needs. I wouldn't mind if I wasn't so tired all the time, but he doesn't let me sleep which makes me even more grumpy.
- He always looks at other girls and comments on their butt, clothes or how hot they are etc. When they walk past he sometimes turns around to look back at them. I told him that it annoys me since I never look at other guys obviously and say how hot they are. I wouldn't mind if he looked at them subtly, but it isn't really necessary to make such a huge show of it.
- He's obsessed with money - his family is really rich compared to mine and his parents obviously look down on my family. My family isn't poor, we're fairly well off yet we are nothing compared to his family. He is always expecting me to buy designer brands or spend money on shoes - I have never been the sort of girl to buy loads of clothes, I'm comfortable just buying the clothes I need, not splashing money out on every cute thing I see.
- He's overconfident - don't get me wrong, confidence is good, but this is really unattractive. For example, I told him about this guy who I used to like because he asked me about other guys I was interested in before him. He kept pestering me to show him a picture of him yet I refused and he kept going on about him for ages. A few days later one of my friends pointed out the guy who I used to like and my boyfriend laughed when he saw him and said he was ugly and didn't have anything to worry about. He's also very overconfident about studies. We'd be studying for an exam and he'd laugh at me if I didn't understand something, or if I explain something to him, at the end he'd be like '"oh was that it? that's easy". Yet he is always the one in our friendship group to get the worst grades...
Pros:
- He's super sweet to me when we're alone and makes me feel happy most of the time.
- He always comforts me when I'm upset and makes an effort to cheer me up.
- He always organises dates which he knows I'll enjoy, so he asks me what I'm interested in etc. then plan something from that.
- We have extremely similar music tastes so we can show each other new music we've found and enjoy it.
- We both watch similar kinds of films and anime.
- We have similar interests too, we play almost the same sports and like doing the same things.
- If someone else upsets me, he always makes sure to resolve the conflict and talks to the other person to get the whole story.
-----
This post is much longer than I expected it to be, tl;dr: unsure about relationship with boyfriend since I feel suffocated and always worrying that I'm going to do something wrong and he'll break up with me.
I think the cons are weigh down more heavily. I'm sorry for telling you this. No one should be insulted in a relationship or be 'looked down' upon. 3 months isn't a long time. Move on before you get emotionally attached to him and it will make it incredibly hard for you to leave him then.
Original post by bluemax
I think the cons are weigh down more heavily. I'm sorry for telling you this. No one should be insulted in a relationship or be 'looked down' upon. 3 months isn't a long time. Move on before you get emotionally attached to him and it will make it incredibly hard for you to leave him then.
That is very true...if I was you and my guy called me fat, I would have left him that second...I don't know about you, but I find that beyond offensive...
Original post by bluemax
I think the cons are weigh down more heavily. I'm sorry for telling you this. No one should be insulted in a relationship or be 'looked down' upon. 3 months isn't a long time. Move on before you get emotionally attached to him and it will make it incredibly hard for you to leave him then.
I was afraid someone was going to say that
I finished uni last week so I won't see him that often until I go back again in September. I don't want to say anything over text and it seems quite rude to ask him to meet up to just break up with him so I'm not really sure what to do.
I'm secretly hoping that I will forget his flaws over the summer and still be happy,
Original post by Anonymous
I was afraid someone was going to say that
I finished uni last week so I won't see him that often until I go back again in September. I don't want to say anything over text and it seems quite rude to ask him to meet up to just break up with him so I'm not really sure what to do.
I'm secretly hoping that I will forget his flaws over the summer and still be happy,
I finished uni last week so I won't see him that often until I go back again in September. I don't want to say anything over text and it seems quite rude to ask him to meet up to just break up with him so I'm not really sure what to do.
I'm secretly hoping that I will forget his flaws over the summer and still be happy,
You may not want to hear this but the fact you are questioning so much suggests you are not happy. It isn't fair to drag a relationship on if you are not feeling it, plus by the sounds of it some of the things he does is putting you off. I think you know the answer here, best to be honest and end it.
Original post by Anonymous
I was afraid someone was going to say that
I finished uni last week so I won't see him that often until I go back again in September. I don't want to say anything over text and it seems quite rude to ask him to meet up to just break up with him so I'm not really sure what to do.
I'm secretly hoping that I will forget his flaws over the summer and still be happy,
I finished uni last week so I won't see him that often until I go back again in September. I don't want to say anything over text and it seems quite rude to ask him to meet up to just break up with him so I'm not really sure what to do.
I'm secretly hoping that I will forget his flaws over the summer and still be happy,
Its never easy. And break ups hurt. The further you keep going, the more it will hurt when it ends. It is your decision at the end of the day. But from personal experience, you have to be very clear from the beginning about what you expect from your relationships. I'm guessing its your first relationship (I could be wrong of course).
It may be rude to meet up to just break up but are you sure you want to keep up the relationship until September?
It doesn't sound like you have discussed any of these issues with him. I wonder if you think he would not be willing to listen to your concerns. It seems a shame to write him off without trying to address some of them.
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