Girl wants to &quot;take a break&quot; due to her anxiety. Anxiety sufferers&#x27; advice wanted!

OP

Original post by junayd1998

Just sit back grab a 99p pop corn and let time take its cause pal.

i mean, how long am i supposed to wait this out...? I don't want to spend the whole summer wondering if I will get a text from her

Reply 3

junayd1998

11

Original post by VladThe1mpaler

i mean, how long am i supposed to wait this out...? I don't want to spend the whole summer wondering if I will get a text from her

Idk buddy f me just sit tight if she dont reply she probably gone off with another bloke from your local area.

Reply 4

Stk1010

A 'break' is a funny concept, because I don't think anyone really knows what it is. People often get confused as to what their boundaries are and what the general etiquette is when you go on a 'break'. The whole point of a 'break' is to have some time out, to give yourself some space so you can think things through. Therefore, it can be very hard to put a time limit on it. From my experience/from what I've seen, 'breaks' tend to be unsuccessful and just prolong the inevitable. Unfortunately, the human race cling onto anything that gives us hope, and that's exactly what a 'break' does.

Anyway, sorry, I've digressed. In regards to your situation, I think it's very unfair that your girlfriend wants to go on a break because of her mental illness. Reason I say this, is that I'm sure she'll have more episodes of bad anxiety throughout her life and she can't tell you that she wants to go on a break every time! Perhaps, she's using her mental illness as a disguise to simply cover up the fact that she doesn't like you in that way anymore. (Just a thought).

At the end of the day, there is very little you can do as by the sounds of it she's already made up her mind.

I think the best thing you can do is just go with it and perhaps when you get back off your holiday and still want to be with her, drop her a text and just say that you've been thinking about her and that you miss her and see where it goes from there.

From an outsiders opinion, I think it would be undeniably useful for you to explain to her that you respect her need to take a short break, because extreme anxiety can't be fixed or hidden in the blink of an eye. It's not very easy to pretend to okay when in actual fact you're breaking inside. Not only that, I think you should highlight your affection to her; make sure she knows that you truly care and want (to help) her (to) get better and that you can be a shoulder to cry on when she feels. As a 17 year old girl who suffers from many different types of anxiety on an intense level, I believe you and your partner can battle through this, because my problems have never caused relationship problems after a year and a half, only worries and concern for my well-being, resulting in stress on his end. At the end of the day, it sounds like your partner is in need of help and a lot of support and love, she may be suffering from more than anxiety.

My response isn't very detailed so i do apologise, but I do hope things get sorted. If you want more advice or guidance, feel free to message me!

Reply 7

username944192

21

Original post by VladThe1mpaler

ok so i've been going out with this girl for 4/5 months and i really like her. She told me early on she has anxiety

things have been going fine up until the past week where she's been distant/not meeting up/hardly texting etc. so i confronted her about it and she told me that she has been "really mentally ill" recently with her anxiety and couldn't really feel anything and suggested we "take a break" until I get back from my holiday in a few weeks and see if she's up for getting things back on track again

I told her I can be patient but now i'm wondering how i progress things from here. Do i wait for her to text me when i get back and if i don't hear from her just assume things are completely done? Or do I text her when I get back and ask her?

I really want things to work but I don't really understand anxiety as I have never even met anyone with it (as far as I'm aware). I've also never had a "break" it's always been a clear cut "break-up"

I have anxiety so I can hopefully give an unbiased opinion, but if she is doing this already I would consider if she's worth pursuing. I totally understand having a bad time with anxiety but if she's pushing you away and asking you to wait I think that's a bad sign. As you say, you can't wait all summer for her. The problem is, if you push her I imagine you will completely nip your relationship with her in the bud because it might come across as though as you're not understanding her illness.

To be honest, it's not easy being with someone who has anxiety. It takes a lot of patience and understanding. I don't think what she's asking is reasonable. Of course it's up to you if you want to wait, if so, I would suggest sending one text when you're back but if she doesn't reply don't push it.

Reply 8

username1726117

Last time a girl told me this, she was dating someone else soon after. Just saying, be wary. :smile:

Reply 9

OP

Original post by infairverona

I have anxiety so I can hopefully give an unbiased opinion, but if she is doing this already I would consider if she's worth pursuing. I totally understand having a bad time with anxiety but if she's pushing you away and asking you to wait I think that's a bad sign. As you say, you can't wait all summer for her. The problem is, if you push her I imagine you will completely nip your relationship with her in the bud because it might come across as though as you're not understanding her illness.

To be honest, it's not easy being with someone who has anxiety. It takes a lot of patience and understanding. I don't think what she's asking is reasonable. Of course it's up to you if you want to wait, if so, I would suggest sending one text when you're back but if she doesn't reply don't push it.

Thanks for the advice.

It's kind of upsetting for me because just the other week things were going great and I really felt like this would actually be a relationship that lasts, then all of a sudden she has changed. I did say that if she wanted to end things permanently then just be honest and tell me but she said she didn't want to but if that's what I wanted then she would understand.

I can be really patient, I can wait a while for her to get herself in a better place mentally. I just wonder if what the other user suggested is true and this is just an excuse because she didn't have the heart to tell me she doesn't like me anymore.

Reply 10

OP

Original post by sophieaxon

From an outsiders opinion, I think it would be undeniably useful for you to explain to her that you respect her need to take a short break, because extreme anxiety can't be fixed or hidden in the blink of an eye. It's not very easy to pretend to okay when in actual fact you're breaking inside. Not only that, I think you should highlight your affection to her; make sure she knows that you truly care and want (to help) her (to) get better and that you can be a shoulder to cry on when she feels. As a 17 year old girl who suffers from many different types of anxiety on an intense level, I believe you and your partner can battle through this, because my problems have never caused relationship problems after a year and a half, only worries and concern for my well-being, resulting in stress on his end. At the end of the day, it sounds like your partner is in need of help and a lot of support and love, she may be suffering from more than anxiety.

My response isn't very detailed so i do apologise, but I do hope things get sorted. If you want more advice or guidance, feel free to message me!

Thanks.

I told her that if having a break would help her and that's what she wants then that's fine. She said that if I wanted to end things permanently then she would understand but I made it clear I still want to see her. I'm just don't really understand anxiety very well and I'm not really sure how I should act when I get back in a few weeks. Do i text her or do i give her time and wait for her to text me?

Reply 11

username47781

20

I wouldn't bother pursuing someone who wants a break, fair enough she has anxiety but she can't just decide when it suits her to be in a relationship.

Reply 12

sophieaxon

Original post by VladThe1mpaler

Thanks.

I told her that if having a break would help her and that's what she wants then that's fine. She said that if I wanted to end things permanently then she would understand but I made it clear I still want to see her. I'm just don't really understand anxiety very well and I'm not really sure how I should act when I get back in a few weeks. Do i text her or do i give her time and wait for her to text me?

I would try and message her but if she isn't engaging properly don't flood her with messages but don't end the conversation because then she may start telling herself that she isn't good enough etc. She may also start to feel lonely. It's very important to remain optimistic, I think; show her that her episodes of anxiety aren't the end of the world and that you're thinking in a positive light, rather than getting dragged down with her. So If I were you, I'd turn on your caring nature and act as if you're extremely happy to see her! Maybe then she'll feel temporarily happy and loved, hopefully the start of a recovery journey.

Reply 13

username944192

21

Original post by VladThe1mpaler

Thanks for the advice.

It's kind of upsetting for me because just the other week things were going great and I really felt like this would actually be a relationship that lasts, then all of a sudden she has changed. I did say that if she wanted to end things permanently then just be honest and tell me but she said she didn't want to but if that's what I wanted then she would understand.

I can be really patient, I can wait a while for her to get herself in a better place mentally. I just wonder if what the other user suggested is true and this is just an excuse because she didn't have the heart to tell me she doesn't like me anymore.

I mean, that is a possibility too of course. People are cowards. I would also worry that she'll do it again in the future. Having a mental illness is hard, but personally I don't think it's an excuse to treat other people badly. If you think the state your illness is in at the moment means you can't have a relationship, don't keep someone stringing along for ages. The illness isn't fair, but it's also not fair to do that to someone either

Reply 14

nathan2k1

Just be sympathetic and understanding and ask her if there is anything that you can do to make things easier between you both (i.e. meeting up and engaging with each other). The more you understand and are able to sympathise, the easier it will probably be for her to engage and communicate with you. There is nothing wrong with you having patience but at the same time, as others have said, having patience and her messing you around are entirely different things. If you get to the point where there is no hope with her just end it officially or consider it already ended.

Reply 15

thenotoriousmomo

get a few side chick while youre on your break

Reply 16

nathan2k1

Original post by thenotoriousmomo

get a few side chick while youre on your break

naughty boy lol

Reply 17

OP

ugh i didn't think i was that bothered and i was optimistic things would work out, but now i'm not so sure

Reply 18

sophieaxon

Original post by VladThe1mpaler

ugh i didn't think i was that bothered and i was optimistic things would work out, but now i'm not so sure

It may be wise to take some time yourself to think whether you can wait for her episode of anxiety and sadness to end to see what there is on offer. At the end of the day, everyone has personal problems and it shouldn't effect a relationship but then again your girlfriend seems to have severe anxiety or maybe even depression. After you've had a deep think and cleared you mind, you could explain to her that you do want things to work but it's unfair on your behalf to be kept waiting. You both need to talk out the situation and get to the bottom of everything

Reply 19

OP