My boyfriend's mom found out about us. :c

So, my boyfriend and I have different religious beliefs (he's Muslim. I'm areligion) and well, neither of our parents would accept us if we told them we were together. We're both 17, but his mom found out about us a couple weeks ago, and told us off for dating, but apparently, she told him that we could go to prom together + she didn't mind us talking.

Well, last night, my boyfriend messaged me on Steam (his mom has his phone), therefore she saw his message, which was saying something like, 'your internet connection is slow'. She got really really bloody mad, and threatened to not send him to college, and told me she might tell my parents.

If my parents find out, theyll be so disappointed and angry, and I just don't know what to do. I've blocked him on Whatsapp and unfriended him on Facebook and I've told his mom that she can do whatever she likes, check our messages, our phones, ask people if we talk at school (my boyfriend has a twin who can keep an eye out for this), and she still seems so ANGRY, and she's so insulting to me, and I just don't know what to do.

My number 1 priority is that my parents don't find out because I screwed up and I'm trying to rectify my ways..

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Oh ****

Original post by keepyourapology

I can't believe you even care? To be honest why let a religion define what you can do? If you love your boyfriend tell his mum to **** off and yours too! Don't even worry about what other people think.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

BristolFresher15

I think the only thing you can do is apologize and pander to her a little.

And then just stop interacting with him completely (at least on paper).

Reply 4

999tigger

Your bf isnt very bright if hes messaging you and she cna see it on his phone.

I doubt she will tell your parents unless you cross her again.

I assume you mean you screwed up about soemthing else and not this? I'm not so narrow minded that I'd be getting irate over the fact you are different religions. Any parents should want their kids to be happy and would realise relationships at such a young age are not likely to last anyway. When you tell people not to do soemthing, theres a good chance they will react against it. Hate to be all kumbaya, but all this lack of understanding and intolerance between religions is what creates the suspicion and mistrust in the first place.

My advice is: If your priority is to stay out of trouble with your parents (no idea why you screwed up or are fearful of their reaction), then either stop dating him or both of you need to be smarter. Revision is more important at the moment.

Reply 5

keepyourapology

It's just that my boyfriend and I had a plan to introduce each other to our parents, in a way that they wouldn't be mad over this intercultural/interreligious thing, because for some reason, both sets of parents are quite reserved in these matters. But his mom says that 'if I really loved him', I would tell my parents about this. I find this irrational because that would just mean we're being judged and mistreated by our significant other's parents and it would be better, if I could introduce him at my own pace.

She's threatening to tell my parents because of this specific reason of 'Why should my son have to go through this alone?' and frankly, I don't understand why this is something that is bothering her so much. She keeps commenting on our age and saying we're too young but I've told her I'm not planning to pollute her son and I'm actually helping him revise but she just keeps coming back to the idea of age and the fact that my boyfriend is the only one getting yelled at.

Reply 6

123moon

Trust me from personal experience that the biggest thing your parents will be mad at you for is the lies and secrecy if they hear about this from a 'stranger' so in this case 'honesty is the best policy' (sorry to be cringe) but yeah just sit them down and tell them what has happened and how you really feel.

As for your bf if you really love him then go for it (after you have told your parents) and continue to talk to him obviously be careful of what you send to him but at the moment he may feel as though you are blocking him out and may want to end the relationship as he may think you do not love him anymore so keep showing your emotion to him and maybe if it feels right get your parents to meet with his to talk things out.

I hope everything works out well for you (and your boyfriend) ! And good luck if you have any exams in these upcoming days/weeks x :smile:

Reply 7

123moon

You both are the same age so that is more than acceptable but she may just be worried for her son as he has exams and deems you as bit of a 'distraction' atm and wants him to get the best grades possible so that is probably why she allows you to go to prom together as it is after exams season, so don't worry after these exams she hopefully will be less strict towards your bf and acc allow you guys to date but your bf needs you now as he is going through a tough time with not only exams but with his mum. (sorry i didn't write this before just saw your previous message… :redface:

) Hope this helps and good luck x

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 8

999tigger

Original post by keepyourapology

She has a point.
So do your exams first and then either finish it or sooner rather than later tell your parents. It seems the bit his more annoyed about is the fact you wont tell your parents, which I agree makes it one sided. Maybe break it off until you are ready to tell your parents. All a bit too much drama when you should be revising, leave it till after.

Reply 9

shawtyb

i really dont get why people care what parents think :/
i wouldnt give a **** if my mum approved of my bf or not. its me in a relationship with him, not her!

Reply 10

troubadour.

Original post by shawtyb

i really dont get why people care what parents think :/

Because, at 17, they are unlikely to be financially independent and that gives considerable leverage to the parents. 'As long as you live under my roof...' kind of thing.

Reply 11

shawtyb

Original post by Hydeman

Because, at 17, they are unlikely to be financially independent and that gives considerable leverage to the parents. 'As long as you live under my roof...' kind of thing.

i was living by my self at the age of 15. why the hell are people so relient on their parents
independence is a very valuable life lesson
its not even hard to get a foot in the door

Reply 12

Josb

Religion, making people happy since the beginning of mankind. :h:

Reply 13

Reue

Break off the relationship till you're both 18 and then do whatever the hell you want.

Reply 14

troubadour.

Original post by shawtyb

i was living by my self at the age of 15. why the hell are people so relient on their parents
independence is a very valuable life lesson
its not even hard to get a foot in the door

Given that now one has to be in full-time education or training until the age of 18 (in England), your example is hardly relevant.

It's good that you were independent at 15, but please recognise that most people aren't/are not able to be, and it has nothing to do with being ''reliant' or not wanting to be independent. It's not a dichotomy of either being independent at the same age as you or being dependent on your parents for the rest of your life.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 15

shawtyb

Original post by Hydeman

actually you dont HAVE to live at home till u have finished education, as long as u stay in it till that age.
FYI you can live in a hostel from 16 and you can attend education whilst living there so...

Reply 16

Josb

Original post by 999tigger

She has a point.

No, she's a tyrannical bitch.

Original post by keepyourapology

She's threatening to tell my parents because of this specific reason of 'Why should my son have to go through this alone?' and frankly, I don't understand why this is something that is bothering her so much.

Because Asian/Muslim parents think their children are their property. You're using it without their agreement.

Reply 17

Clintbarton

Original post by Josb

No, she's a tyrannical bitch.

Because Asian/Muslim parents think their children are their property. You're using it without their agreement.

Actually it's a religious belief that there shouldn't be any sexual interaction between a female and a male before marriage. It's not just the Muslim faith that believes this but most religions - look at Christian and Jewish scriptures. Parents aren't being proprietary by telling their children what to do. They're imposing a belief on them - yes, which you could argue is the wrong thing to do - but it is their belief and everyone is entitled to believe that what they are doing and believe in is right.

Generalising all Muslims as Asians and vice versa is incredibly stupid, by the way.

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Reply 18

troubadour.

Original post by shawtyb

actually you dont HAVE to live at home till u have finished education, as long as u stay in it till that age.

I thought that the corollary - that being in full-time education generally leaves little time for work (which you would realistically have to do if you were to support yourself with no parental help) - was quite clearly alluded to. I was wrong, it seems.

FYI you can live in a hostel from 16 and you can attend education whilst living there so...

And that costs money which, if estranged from one's parents, has to be earned through work.

Look, I'm not here to discuss ridiculous hypotheticals in which the protagonist heroically pulls themselves up by the bootstraps against impossible odds and nor do I think that this is somehow an argument that everyone should be doing the same. You were independent at 15? Great. But most people aren't/can't be, and so they have to worry about what their parents think, and that was my main point.

Reply 19

Josb

Original post by Clintbarton

They're imposing a belief on them - yes, which you could argue is the wrong thing to do - but it is their belief and everyone is entitled to believe that what they are doing and believe in is right.