The Student Room Group

Have a boyfriend but want to travel alone?

I have been with my wonderful other half for >2 years. We have lots of things in common and both do enjoy our annual summer holiday. However, I think he is satisfied with that - a week in the sun. Before I met him, I had been travelling alone several times all on my own (for weeks to months at a time to Asia etc).

As much as i do enjoy a week in the sun and a nice hotel, i equally if not more enjoy "proper travelling", of course company would be nice but if its not possible I am more than happy to do it alone. Now he is very busy with work although he can afford it financially, realistically he does not have the time to go away any more than an annual 1 week holiday due to other commitments. My friends too have their own commitments/ partners etc and I have a feeling it may not work out for us to go together.

I have a fantastic relationship, great friends and so far a doing well with my education/career. However, I dont think anyone (parents, boyfriend) would be pleased about me going away alone. I also think my friends may find it a little unusual. I am 24 and know that in my career (medical doctor) I won't get the time in the future to just go away on breaks like I can now.

Advice please?
I have always lived in a small town till now and my local airport is well connected with cheap flights to many destinations in Europe. I'm only planning on going away for 3-5 days at a time several times a year.

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Reply 1
Hi! I think that you should just be open about it to your boyfriend (and parents) and explain how you feel.I think that he would understand that you just want a bit have time to yourself and sometimes you need me time. I dont think it matters what others think about your trip by your self -just as long as you're happy :smile:
If you talk to him, then if your relationship is as great as you say, then he should be fine with it. Good way for you to wind down and get some space.
If you are going to have issues being faithful then that would be a different matter.
Its goodhe is ok to let you have your own space and if he has time then he can go with you.
Traveling alone is natural.
Reply 3
Original post by elleBb
Hi! I think that you should just be open about it to your boyfriend (and parents) and explain how you feel.I think that he would understand that you just want a bit have time to yourself and sometimes you need me time. I dont think it matters what others think about your trip by your self -just as long as you're happy :smile:


I have mentioned it to my boyfriend, he was just quite quiet about it. I think he felt a bit guilty that he doesnt get as excited as me/ as I'd like him to be whenever I mentioned anything to do with going away/ travelling. Its hard because if he isnt interested I absolutely do not want to force him but I think he feels like 'he should' come with me..

Original post by 999tigger
If you talk to him, then if your relationship is as great as you say, then he should be fine with it. Good way for you to wind down and get some space.
If you are going to have issues being faithful then that would be a different matter.
Its goodhe is ok to let you have your own space and if he has time then he can go with you.
Traveling alone is natural.


No issues at all with being faithful, like I say i have travelled alone before I met him and even then I was not interested in hooking up with men. Even when I was single, I was too cautious to get with a strange man in a foreign country. Now however being in a relationship I am even less interested than I would have been (not at all interested).

I know he'll let me go, he never stops me from doing anything I want. I guess he is pretty supportive in every way but I can tell he isnt "happy" about it. He also suggested I may regret spending my money that way.. but i dont think i will at all. Yes i don't have that much money now but once I start working as a doctor I know I'll be ok financially. Right now all I have is my savings from a part time job.
Original post by Anonymous

No issues at all with being faithful, like I say i have travelled alone before I met him and even then I was not interested in hooking up with men. Even when I was single, I was too cautious to get with a strange man in a foreign country. Now however being in a relationship I am even less interested than I would have been (not at all interested).

I know he'll let me go, he never stops me from doing anything I want. I guess he is pretty supportive in every way but I can tell he isnt "happy" about it. He also suggested I may regret spending my money that way.. but i dont think i will at all. Yes i don't have that much money now but once I start working as a doctor I know I'll be ok financially. Right now all I have is my savings from a part time job.


Well if he isnt happy then he needs to get it out why because even if he says ok, he really menas ok bit i will resent you for it. You talk about doing it several times a year and that will undermine you. Not everyone will be fine with it, it might make him feel insecure, or that you care less about the relationship or stretch his trust. I'd be all for it, knowing it gave you your own space and was good for your self development, but people have their own ideas as to whats acceptable. you need to talk to him and probably reassure. If your relationship is as good as you say it is then he should listen and wnat the best for you.

Your money your choice in spending. You should make sure you go away with him at least once. He should realise this might eb your last chance of free time.
Reply 5
Should be fine, just dont hoe around, 3/4 guys max, anymore and youre gonna end up hurting him.
Original post by Anonymous

Advice please?
I have always lived in a small town till now and my local airport is well connected with cheap flights to many destinations in Europe. I'm only planning on going away for 3-5 days at a time several times a year.


It seems entirely sensible and I think this kind of holiday style is quite practical as a working professional: it's not always easy to co-ordinate plans with friends and also "group" holidays are often about drinking and lounging around on the beach and some people grow out of that earlier than others.

A guy from my work who does cycling finds cycle trails online and then just books holiday to go out there, rent a bike and cycle them. It's not easy for him to find someone to go out with him to the same places at the same time so he just does it solo.

I think the "got a boyfriend" here is an irrelevance really: if your relationship is good then he should be able to trust you to be away for a week without cheating on him?

As a solo female traveller there are a few more safety concerns in certain places but its less an issue for short breaks in Europe. If you were going for 6 months in South America etc then I can see why family/partner might be more worried about that aspect but there are lots of solo females on the backpacker circuit.
Reply 7
I think that its possible that your boyfriend will miss you and thats probably why hes quite quiet about it.I think that if your relationship is happy and strong like you say ,he will understand :smile: (btw i couldnt reply to your reply from my post)
Reply 8
[QUOTE="999tigger;65306793"]If your relationship is as good as you say it is then he should listen and wnat the best for you.
/QUOTE]

Original post by MagicNMedicine
I think the "got a boyfriend" here is an irrelevance really: if your relationship is good then he should be able to trust you to be away for a week without cheating on him?


I think people may be missing the point slightly, this cheating thing/faithfulness that keeps being mentioned really is not an issue at all. Neither of us has any doubt in our minds on that front. Just wanted to clarify that point. Thank you though for the rest of your posts :smile:

I think the reason he is quiet/ reserved about it is more to do with maybe missing me or missing out on the experience or concerned for my safety or like he said "i may regret it" on further questioning he meant financially. Something about it makes him feel uneasy, which I cant quite put my finger on. In my opinion, its just a difference of interests.. but I get the feeling he feels bad that previously whenever I have brought up travelling he's never shown much interest, its always me initiating & booking, and getting excited during the build up to it and possibly even during the event. I wonder if he feels bad that he's not shown the interest that I would have liked. But in reality, I'm 100% ok with this difference in our interests, and on a long term basis I fully understand that what I want wont be feasible, the 1 annual summer holiday is practical and what is likely to happen. It is just that I have a window period year in which I can afford to take time our here and there.
Let me get this straight.

You want to constantly travel around for days on end, throughout the year, completely alone while being in a relationship? What? If you don't think that you being constantly away, alone, isn't going to cause tension and stress in your relationship, you're just plain wrong. We all have to compromise and make adjustments in our relationships. When you mention it to your significant other and they're clearly uncomfortable - that's your sign.

You're deluded if you think you're in your late teens or very early twenties again and that you can just do things as you used to. People grow up, people change. You're not a child anymore.
Original post by Withengar
Let me get this straight.

You want to constantly travel around for days on end, throughout the year, completely alone while being in a relationship? What? If you don't think that you being constantly away, alone, isn't going to cause tension and stress in your relationship, you're just plain wrong. We all have to compromise and make adjustments in our relationships. When you mention it to your significant other and they're clearly uncomfortable - that's your sign.

You're deluded if you think you're in your late teens or very early twenties again and that you can just do things as you used to. People grow up, people change. You're not a child anymore.


Constantly? - If you read properly, i've said that its a window period of a year where my schedule is slightly less busy than usual. Its an opportunity I wont get again as a qualified doctor. In case you werent aware, junior doctors work very long and awkward hours.

So all in all probably a total of 3 x maybe 4-day trips - therefore 12 days in a whole year? No i dont for one second think this will cause a "strain" on our relationship. Please don't tell me I'm plain wrong when you know nothing about my relationship or us as individuals. My boyfriend competes in a particular sport at quite a high level and hence has to go to competitions all over the place, has this caused a strain? absolutely not. He also has roots in a different country and has a big family reunion annually in this country, which also has not caused a strain in our relationship. So all in all he probably does spend more time away than me, and I have absolutely no problem with that, in fact whenever I can I try to go along to watch him compete etc but of course I have my own commitments. Please don't tell me to grow up..
I think everyone should travel alone at some point in their lives. If he doesn't want to, that's his decision ~ but I think he shouldn't hold you back from going away if you want to :cute:

People saying it may put a strain on your relationship, but you being unable to go because of what he wants may be worse :/
[QUOTE="Anonymous;65307589"]
Original post by 999tigger
If your relationship is as good as you say it is then he should listen and wnat the best for you.
/QUOTE]



I think people may be missing the point slightly, this cheating thing/faithfulness that keeps being mentioned really is not an issue at all. Neither of us has any doubt in our minds on that front. Just wanted to clarify that point. Thank you though for the rest of your posts :smile:

I think the reason he is quiet/ reserved about it is more to do with maybe missing me or missing out on the experience or concerned for my safety or like he said "i may regret it" on further questioning he meant financially. Something about it makes him feel uneasy, which I cant quite put my finger on. In my opinion, its just a difference of interests.. but I get the feeling he feels bad that previously whenever I have brought up travelling he's never shown much interest, its always me initiating & booking, and getting excited during the build up to it and possibly even during the event. I wonder if he feels bad that he's not shown the interest that I would have liked. But in reality, I'm 100% ok with this difference in our interests, and on a long term basis I fully understand that what I want wont be feasible, the 1 annual summer holiday is practical and what is likely to happen. It is just that I have a window period year in which I can afford to take time our here and there.


The only person who can answer the question is him. He obviously has some issue with it at some level,otherwise he would be encouraging you. Your money , your choice etc.Well hope your reasons are the correct ones and you know him. I can only say it on my experience of people about why he might be unhappy about it. If he is unhappy and you intend to do it on a regular basis, then think how that adds up. You should start as you mean to go on, so talk to him.
Original post by Withengar
Let me get this straight.

You want to constantly travel around for days on end, throughout the year, completely alone while being in a relationship? What? If you don't think that you being constantly away, alone, isn't going to cause tension and stress in your relationship, you're just plain wrong. We all have to compromise and make adjustments in our relationships. When you mention it to your significant other and they're clearly uncomfortable - that's your sign.

You're deluded if you think you're in your late teens or very early twenties again and that you can just do things as you used to. People grow up, people change. You're not a child anymore.


Keep clinging on man!

Cos going traveling solo is what children do.

Tbf 3-5 days a couple of times a year is less than a 2 week holiday, there's compromise of course but if they compromised down to once or twice a year it doesn't seem like an issue to me, I assume she'll still go with him on his week sunbathing holiday (boring as ****).

Though that said, do you absolutely want to be alone OP or is it that he doesn't really have any interest in traveling holidays? Because honestly since you humour him with his relaxing in the complex holiday, I'd have thought he'd suggest you going traveling together.

Depends on the person, how strong your relationship is, how clingy they are, how much trust they have etc. You could, internet connection allowing, send him messages while on your trip.

For me personally it would be fine, just try and make sure it's during the season and I'd put my feet up and watch some football goodness most nights with no interruptions.
he thinks your gonna have sex with other guys
I'm cheering for you to go travelling on your own.

It seemed to be what your heart wants and you should follow your heart. If he loves you and cares about you, I'm sure he'll listen to your reasoning and trust you to go.
We're in similar situation.... my boyfriend says he's not ready to travel abroad yet whereas me I love travelling abroad. He can afford it financially but has different priorities to me. If he doesn't come, I will too travel on my own.

Just explain to him that you've done it before & to trust you to do it again. Do whatever will make you happy!
3-5 days?! I'm ****ing off to Spain alone leaving my partner alone for 35 days next month, and that's not the longest trip I've got planned next year :p:
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
he thinks your gonna have sex with other guys


Girls that travel alone do have sex with other guys. It just happens. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl who went travelling without me personally. When i travelled alone i saw even the most commited girls behaving in ways thst their boyfriends back home wouldn't have liked.
Reply 19
Several times? I think you should go for a 7-days trip this year, that will be more than enough trust me. A week shouldn't be a problem as long as you explain yourself to him properly.

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