I let my boyfriend sleep with another man, what have I done? :(

gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8

TSR tonight

Hard to say really... You did say you "encouraged" it in the past, and he must've gotten the idea that you'd be okay with it. From what you've said, it seems like both of you know your relationship is an "open" one. If it was an open relationship, you shouldn't be upset too much by it, as long as you're both still emotionally connected.

So we have been together for two years almost throughout our second and third year of University. We are pretty good together, active sex life, I can see how much we love each other.

I sort of developed a 'cuckold' fetish which I'm pretty ashamed to admit. Mainly because I could be seen as quite an abnormal person when in fact I'm pretty normal. Me and my partner would regularly fantasise about him sleeping with other guys and in fact in the past I have encouraged it. We often fantasise about people that he thinks are hot, people that have flirted with him etc. The most he's ever done is spoken to other guys on snapchat but he's always been adamant he wouldn't want to do it, in person and I was happy with that. In fact I wasn't sure I would want to take it that far.

Last Friday we went out to celebrate the end of my degree (last exam) and I ended up leaving the club early because I will ill. He stayed with friends. I got texts and phone calls which I had missed telling me he was with one guy we have fantasised over. Asking me if he should go through with it. And then a text 3 hours later saying 'oh ****'. He then strolled in at 9am and told me everything.
At first I was turned on, and of course got a kick out of it.

But I feel a deep sense of sadness. It's mostly all I've thought about. We've spoken about it and he's told me he did it mostly for me, that it didn't mean anything. What's worse is that we both know this guy and I now have to see him as he goes to the club I regularly go to and we have mutual friends.

Complication 1 - the emotional distraught/realisation my boyfriend slept with another person, that I am partially to blame (and I am), the feeling of betrayal and guilt.
Complication 2 - he didn't even use a condom, someone else came inside my boyfriend. (he's getting tested today)
Complication 3 - I have to see the same guy out. In fact I'm too scared to even go that club (that my friends and I always go to), and of course he may tell people about it.

I'm a mess right now. Please don't judge me. Any help appreciated

What in the world is wronggg with this generationnnnnnnnn???????????????????????????????????????????????????

Do you really think sexual desire/fantasy are a choice? I'm sure there are worse things to like...

Anyway can we stop with the trolling because I feel even more ****

I'm sorry but I assumed you were a gay guy... So you're a straight female with a bi boyfriend?