My GF and I are getting married in secret. Should we move away from the UK?

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Also have you considered the rest of your future? If you raise a family, what will you tell your kids when they got curious? I doubt you would want them to follow that example. How will you feel being completely cut off from your parents for the rest of your life, with too much shame to be able to speak to them? Will you be able to have a stable relationship with all this sneaking around?
You clearly are really committed for this since you've been together for so long, but the stresses and complications caused by this may become too much for you and your partner to handle. So there's a chance you will end up feeling ahamed and also divorced.
If you both truly do believe in the hereafter, I would suggest thinking about that too. Is it worth doing all this for the limited pleasure of it? Every now and then there is a very trustworthy scholar who will help anyone without humiliation or naming and shaming. If you can find one of these I would discuss the matter with them and try to get some advice. Good luck

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 21

999tigger

Still a bit young to be running away at 24 (26 would be better) , but not impossible. Am assuming you graduated and have some resonable skills?

I would:
Save money like made to get an escape fund.
Possiblu identify or get a new job, so at least you have one salary.
Consider talking to a 3rd party that could act as intermediary with parents You have to be able to trust them. Your call. perhaps you can make several visits and disscuss relationships so they can see you are serious? Imam, Rabbi, local vicar
Only light the touch paper if you know what you wat to do and can deal with the consequences. can you trust your parents? You know them. Will they lie or disown? Will they come after you or create trouble? can you deal with the upset and being disowned? think it through.

When you are ready tell them if you think thers a chance they might listen, otherwise drop them a letter explaining things and also clear it with the police, so they cant start a man hunt. If you nwat to drop off the grid then theres other things you need to do like cut social media, change your names, open different bak accounts, dont tell people etc.

Should you do it? Only you know them. Saving the money will give you choice and independence. Think thorugh the consequences carefully.

Reply 22

XxKingSniprxX

Original post by Anonymous

We've been together since the end of school, so 6 years, and I proposed to her last month and things have been going discreetly, but smoothly.

Neither of our family members know, just a handful of trusted friends.

The reason we have to keep it quiet is because I'm Jewish and she's Muslim - yeah, I know this is dreadful.

Our parents have met on a couple of occasions, but obviously they are oblivious to all this - they just think we're friends.

We're thinking of just leaving the UK and heading somewhere else in Europe to properly tie up... but there are lot of factors in the way.

What advice can you give us?

MUSLIM/JEWISH MARRIAGE EXPERIMENT

[video="youtube;Cz_qhlRN0L8"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz_qhlRN0L8[/video]

Reply 23

username2549677

I think you should go bcuz no-one will understand and u both love each other so not seeing each other is not really good, I understand this may not be right but as long as you have faith , trust and each other that's all you need

Reply 24

Anonymous #3

Original post by samina_ay

They've been together for 6 years - do you really think I'm gonna say "haraam, hang this man" ??
Ultimately it's their decision. It will be hard telling the parents and running away can be the solution - however its very unfair on the parents.. so their situation is a mess really.

Well yes, or at the minimum, I would've thought a Muslim wouldn't encourage something which their God has forbidden. Haraam doesn't become halaal because someone has been doing it for 6 years. You became complicit into the sin when you encouraged him to take it further.

Of course you'll answer to your God for going against his laws. I merely find some Muslim contradictions amusing and wanted to point it out.

Reply 25

samina_ay

Original post by Anonymous

Who even are you? Oh yeah, anon. -_-

I'll be accountable for my own sins on judgement day. Mind your own business.

Reply 26

Anonymous #3

Original post by samina_ay

Who even are you? Oh yeah, anon. -_-

I'll be accountable for my own sins on judgement day. Mind your own business.

I wouldn't really say that to people when they're reminding you to not disobey your lord.

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most beloved of speech to Allaah is when a person says: ‘Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bi hamdika, wa tabaaraka ismuka wa ta’aala jadduka, wa laa ilaaha ghayruka (Glory and praise be to You, O Allaah, blessed be Your name and exalted be Your majesty, and there is no god but You).’ The most hated of speech to Allaah is when one man says to another, ‘Fear Allaah,’ and the other says, ‘Mind your own business!’”(al-Silsilah al-Saheehah by al-Albaani, no. 2598)
The above is classed as saheeh.

Reply 27

samina_ay

Original post by Anonymous

I couldn't care less :redface:

Reply 28

Anonymous #3

Original post by samina_ay

I couldn't care less :redface:

That's unfortunate. I hope you do come back and think about what you've said here. You may be a bit peeved off at me for criticizing you but saying you don't care that Allah hates a certain act, well that is totally different ball park.

Reply 29

samina_ay

Original post by Anonymous

Who are you huni? And why are you giving me free islamic advice?

Reply 30

Anonymous #3

Original post by samina_ay

Who are you huni? And why are you giving me free islamic advice?

I'm certainly noone's huni. I think it normally comes free, people don't even charge for delivery! :smile:

Reply 31

samina_ay

Original post by Anonymous

I'm certainly noone's huni. I think it normally comes free, people don't even charge for delivery! :smile:

Okayyy byeeeee!

Reply 32

nulli tertius

Original post by Anonymous

A lot of lying, a lot of sneaking about, a lot of travelling, etc...

We don't know if we're going to be able to go through with it, we just need some outside advice to point us in the right direction.

Frankly, I would marry quietly in the UK without inviting relations. Set up home together and announce your marriage to both sets of relations with an invitation to a celebration. Effectively do not give then at opportunity to interfere; present them with a done deal where they can either accept the position or cut you off.

Reply 33

Anonymous #4

Well, your Patents can't technically forbid your marriage, since the UK allows you to marry in free will, so I would just marry. There's a chance that your family is fine with it, but if they're not, just cut ties!Oh yeah, you can also go and complain to the police!Ps: Just a question, Why is it not allowed in Islam (as a man) to not marry someone of another fate? It seems like they're trying to set themselves above national law, which every other except them seem to accept!

Reply 34

30.10.12

I am in a VERY similar situation. I am muslim and my boyfriend of 4 years is christian. We also planned to move away but with us also wanting to go to university is also a problem, and also the fact that we are still young. I understand how difficult it is to keep a secret this big from your family. We are only 18 so we have discussed saving money and then moving away. I can understand why you want to move away discretly because I know what muslin and Jewish parents can be like in these situation. I honestly think if you think its best to do so, then do it. I know I certainly will because there is no way my parents would accept and forgive the fact that I have lied to then for 4 years. Just do what you think will keep you happy 😊

Reply 35

Thus-Spoke-Lara

I don't think anyone here has the right to tell you what to do- even if it's a mistake it's yours to make. But we can offer points of reflection.

Running away together is a very serious act. Once you cross the Rubicon there will be no going back, you will both be blackened (in the eyes of both your respected families), not to mention going to a foreign place with strange languages, no contacts or friends and nowhere to live or work. It's a lot to go through especially without a fail safe of being able to return home.

Not to mention the pain you will put both your families through. It will be worse if you run away. Have you tried talking to them both? It's better, however, slow, painful or heart-wrenching to attempt a reconciliation between both families with your relationship. The chance are better and you won't both loose your families. Facing both your families will teach you about the first important thing for a successful marriage- responsibility and taking it. Without that there's no marriage.

I hope you don't find my words to harsh, I certainly don't mean to be, I am always happy to help people with a sympathetic ear, but we must also be realistic with the facts. Make sure every eventually is planned for. Remember this also, if things go wrong, you will both end up blaming and resenting each other, are you prepared for that if you run away?

Do you mind if I ask both your ethnic backgrounds?