This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

I got my FWB pregnant and she wants to keep it?

The pill is one of the best forms of contraception. That's why so many women take it.

My conduct is worse?????? Are you serious????? You clearly have some kind of agenda here.

You can say that until the cows come home, but the pill is not 100% safe. If you really didn't want a child you should have used a condom as well, that would have reduced your chances of getting her pregnant even more. The pill can and does fail. Maybe she did lie, maybe she didn't but this isn't 100% her responsibility; you have to accept when you engage in sex you run the risk of a child happening.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 61

Persipan

17

Original post by Lawliettt

I hate how this rule is implemented. If I don't want the child and the girl has the financial means to pay for it then why the hell am i providing financial support? She would've been the one who went against my wishes and had the baby. And what about when she finds another partner? Now she's being supported by 2 guys.

Child support is so incredibly flawed it's disgusting. It angers me whenever I see stories of a guy having to pay a woman £2000+ a month. We all know there's no way all that money is being used on the kid. It's even worse when it comes to football players who potentially pay collosal amounts in child support. The baby alone doesn't need an additional 100k a year to live a comfortable life. Keep in mind that the point of child support is for the baby and not for the mothers rich lifestyle.

They either need a complete revamp of how it works or they should get rid of it. Because right now it just ****s guys (or in some cases, girls) over. Maybe if the girl knew she couldn't support the kid alone she shouldn't have opened her legs then refused to have an abortion.

In theory it's a great concept but it's so lazily done. I mean for gods sake. Why would they base it on income BEFORE tax?? The guy wouldn't even see a lot of that income in the first place. There's so much about it that makes no sense. The person receiving it isn't required to prove that it's only being used on the child either.

Any guy having to pay £2000+ a month is earning a lot. And, I suspect you aren't a Premier League footballer, so their financial travails aren't likely to affect you all that much. Doing a back-of-a-fag-packet calculation based on roughly the UKs average income, for a parent with no other children who doesn't see the child they're paying maintenance for, it comes to about £60ish a week. I feel pretty confident in saying that the bigger financial burden is falling to the resident parent, in that circumstance. That payment drops, incidentally, if the non-resident parent has other children who live with them (even thought the costs of raising the child for whom maintenance is being paid don't go down). Also, if the non-resident parent does have the child stay with them part of the time, the amount they pay goes down on a sliding scale. All in all, that sounds reasonably balanced to me - it's based more on ability to pay than need, in fact, so arguably it puts the resident parent in the worse situation.

For clarity, as a woman, I'm not about to use my slutty wiles to sneakily entrap some passing man for sixty quid a week with a side order of sleepless nights and stretch marks.

Reply 62

connormc199

15

drug her and then bring her to an abortion clinic, 100% effective!

Reply 63

Studentus-anonymous

12

Original post by Anonymous

So I've been seeing this girl L for the last 4 to 5 months. We usually go on a small "date" and then head back to hers for some fun.

We told eachother we wouldn't get in contact other than for sex or setting up the "date".

She got in contact yesterday evening to say that she's pregnant and has been for 2 weeks. Wth!?

She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.

I'm 21, I'm not cut out to be a dad quite yet... I've got my career in mind and I'm not mature enough either.

I don't know what to do from here?

Tell her in no uncertain terms you will not support her or the baby.

It's a risky play but it will immediately put the kibosh on her fantasy and plans to have a kid with you doing the leg-work. She could very well get an abortion unless she wants to be a single mum.

Also lesson learned: Always suit up with these casual sort of things.

As said by Anon:

Honestly, I'd suggest you talk to her. Explain to her what you want to do, be it termination or whatever, and allow her to explain her stance to you also. If you wish to be in the baby's life, then you can work it out from there.

If she wants to keep it and you don't, then you can either live with the consequence and be involved in the kids life and support it, or you can refuse involvement.

If you don't want anything to do with the baby, then my advice would be to explain to her that you will not be getting involved or aiding financially as this may or may not influence her decision. As far as I know, she could only come after you for child support if you're on the birth certificate. So if you really don't want this child, cut contact from now and stay away, especially from the child once it's born as it'd be unfair to be in and out of their life.

To anyone who may judge you in this situation, they should probably remember that women have an opt out clause in the form of an abortion. The man has no say, and the only way they can opt out is to avoid involvement.
In my opinion, there is no shame in terminating a pregnancy, and there is likewise no shame in refusing to support and commit to a pregnancy you didn't want or expect either.

I hope the situation can be resolved smoothly. Good luck OP.

You don't want to be a dad, then don't be a dad. It'll just create resentment and end up complicated the potential kid's life.

Likewise (as you probably already know) trying to "make a go of things" with the girl isn't going to work out. Kids are great for a couple already solidly in love and wanting a family. For everyone else it's just more strain on a relationship one or both don't really want anyway.

So yeah, steer clear. She can't force you to be involved, and if she has been sleeping around and without a paternity test she's limited in how she can force you.
Also I'm not there so I can't question her sincerity, but there's a chance she's lying?
Who knows. Important thing is if you're not interested in being a father than don't get involved. It'll just lead to another kid growing up with a resentful father they can sense doesn't really want to be there or want them, and being the unfair victim of the parent's fighting and bad feelings.

Trust me, the kid will be better off without that dynamic, so go live your life and do you.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 64

username2371841

20

you shouldnt leave her

honestly you dont know her intentions, cos one guys ex got pregnant for benefits doesnt mean you gf did the same

your 21, people have kids at lowest 12/13 years old, im sure once the baby comes you'd be more mature

also go to the doctor together and see why if she was on the pill she got pregnant, and then break up if you still want to but you spoke about how heinous women are, but you're leaving a fragile girl whose carrying your DNA in human form for the next 9 months, im not saying stay with her but to leave her wiithout knowing how or why she got pregnant is harsh

how many years in uni in total? maybe you could find a small apartment for both of you together near your uni and then you visit every once in a while if the baby doesn't allow you to work or sleep (which is a promise probably), but education first cos without it then your future as a parent will be tough

good luck!

Reply 65

Anonymous #8

Original post by Anonymous

So I've been seeing this girl L for the last 4 to 5 months. We usually go on a small "date" and then head back to hers for some fun.

We told eachother we wouldn't get in contact other than for sex or setting up the "date".

She got in contact yesterday evening to say that she's pregnant and has been for 2 weeks. Wth!?

She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.

I'm 21, I'm not cut out to be a dad quite yet... I've got my career in mind and I'm not mature enough either.

I don't know what to do from here?

This is why you should use protection

Reply 66

username2371841

20

Original post by ivybridge

I believe your actions are worse because you deleted her number and attempted to ignore her. You should take some responsibility for the fact you didn't wear a condom because no form of protection is 100% guaranteed. You have no idea if she planned it and that is why talking to her is essential.

You are very clearly blurring the lines between what I am saying about your actions after and references to the actual sex.

been reading yours an OPs bickerings for a while and i've gotta say i applaud you. OP has made very harsh decisions.

about your point on protection not being 100% efficient is something nobody on this thread wants to understand. if the guys condom broke and the girl got pregnant, i doubt she would react in the same way.

Reply 67

DamnDaniel2

18

Original post by Anonymous

How have I ****ed it lol? She's the one who didn't take the pill!

Pills aren't 100% protective just saying so she could be telling the truth, however it's unlikely if she has been taking it at the correct time and not missing some out but it's not impossible!

Also don't blame it all on her. Why didn't you use protection as well? Now deal with the consequences.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 68

Shumaya

14

Original post by sfaraj

you shouldnt leave her

honestly you dont know her intentions, cos one guys ex got pregnant for benefits doesnt mean you gf did the same

your 21, people have kids at lowest 12/13 years old, im sure once the baby comes you'd be more mature

also go to the doctor together and see why if she was on the pill she got pregnant, and then break up if you still want to but you spoke about how heinous women are, but you're leaving a fragile girl whose carrying your DNA in human form for the next 9 months, im not saying stay with her but to leave her wiithout knowing how or why she got pregnant is harsh

how many years in uni in total? maybe you could find a small apartment for both of you together near your uni and then you visit every once in a while if the baby doesn't allow you to work or sleep (which is a promise probably), but education first cos without it then your future as a parent will be tough

good luck!

They're not together! They're friends with benefits.

Reply 69

rxns_00

15

Original post by Anonymous

How have I ****ed it lol? She's the one who didn't take the pill!

You're the one who didn't wear a condom, lol

If you're gonna act like an idiot you'll **** up sooner or later, clearly your time has come Hun

Reply 70

999tigger

19

All this stuff about not supporting her. If the CSA are called in, then they can require a DNA test and he will have no option, but to pay if the child is his. As it should be.

Reply 71

Shumaya

14

OP, I think you should tell her you don't want to be a father. But if she decides to to keep it, the right thing to do would be to support the baby. I wouldn't drop out of uni and get a full time job or anything like that but I'd get a part time job. Also, you don't know that she lied. Pills aren't 100% effective.

Reply 72

TimeTravel_0

3

If you can't practice safe sex, then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.

Reply 73

username2371841

20

Original post by Shumaya

They're not together! They're friends with benefits.

ohhhh, so thats what fwb stood for

Reply 74

dnr_23

9

are u seriously suggesting u want her to get it aborted lool thats sickening, if you dont want a baby, wear a condom and understand that even with the pill and condoms, there is a chance of pregnancy. if you dont want a baby - dont have sex.
now face the consequences, you dont have to be involved in baby's life, the girl cant force that, but dont even suggest she should abort it, its not her body, its the baby's.

Reply 75

Elivercury

16

I think the OP has abandoned this, but assuming they haven't.

I think a big thing will be to not approach her as an enemy. You are making big assumptions that you are such a catch she is trying to man-trap you with a baby. In reality there is every possibility that the pill failed. It is only 99% effective and there are a relatively wide number of things that can interfere with it. For example, about 10 years back people were commonly prescribed an antibiotic that actively stops the pill working, without informing women on the pill of this. Boom instant pregnancies.

You have not taken any precautions what-so-ever, and have left it purely down to her. This does not make it any less your fault, as you placed all your trust in her and the pill. I suggest you approach it maturely and clearly state you've no interest in being a father and that your opinion is that abortion or adoption is best. Should she not be happy with either of these, clearly state you don't plan to be a father or have any involvement, however accept that you will be paying her child support - it's a legal obligation. Possibly get a paternity test if there is any doubt.

Following this you continue exactly as you would have before, just you may be losing a chunk of your salary every month once you graduate. Best of luck.

Reply 76

Elivercury

16

Original post by dnr_23

are u seriously suggesting u want her to get it aborted lool thats sickening, if you dont want a baby, wear a condom and understand that even with the pill and condoms, there is a chance of pregnancy. if you dont want a baby - dont have sex.
now face the consequences, you dont have to be involved in baby's life, the girl cant force that, but dont even suggest she should abort it, its not her body, its the baby's.

She is two weeks pregnant. There is no "baby". There is a pile of random cells and DNA that can be easily aborted.

He has every right to suggest his preference for an abortion. He has no right to attempt to coerce or force her into having an abortion. Stop being ridiculous.

Incidentally, I must admit that I find it slightly suspect that she has found out she's pregnant after just two weeks. This seems very low to me, but then it's possible she was expecting her period, or she's further gone than she thinks.

Reply 77

Reue

20

Personally I'd tell her that I had no intentions of being a father, that this was an accident and I'd recommend she went for an abortion.
If she decided to keep the child then that is her decision, not mine. I'd support the child to the financial extent that I was legally required to do so but would neither have nor want any further contact.