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Girlfriend's Family are closed

So to put you all in perspective, me and my girlfriend have been together for 18 months and there's nothing wrong with how her family treat me when we're together at one another's houses other than the odd occasions where they'll intervene asking about revision/hwk and whether we should put that first. It's a tad difficult as we're both in our last year of A-Levels, both work and so we get to see each other between once and three times a week generally.

However, the issue is not like the above but more other events which take place. For instance, it's her younger sisters birthday meal soon and I haven't been invited. I haven't ever been invited to any of their family meals except one (this is all within the 18 month time span). Yet she has been invited to all of my family's meals as well as those including grandparents and the like.

Going on from that, by no means do I expect it but they're going on holiday in the Summer and didn't ask whether I'd like to go with them or not. It particularly bugs me because my family treat her in the complete opposite, asking whether she'd like to come on holidays with us and to meals etc and her parents know this yet don't reciprocate that to me.

Do any of you have any ways in which I can try and bridge this gap as I am always polite to them and treat their house as though it was my own, with a lot of respect and sometimes they can get on with me really well, however on other occasions they just shut me out.....I honestly don't know what to do and I love my girlfriend but her family is starting to bug me as it feels as though I am putting in a lot of effort for not a great lot in return.

Sorry for the long message too but let's see where I can get with this :smile: Thanks in advanced :smile:

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Original post by Anonymous
So to put you all in perspective, me and my girlfriend have been together for 18 months and there's nothing wrong with how her family treat me when we're together at one another's houses other than the odd occasions where they'll intervene asking about revision/hwk and whether we should put that first. It's a tad difficult as we're both in our last year of A-Levels, both work and so we get to see each other between once and three times a week generally.

However, the issue is not like the above but more other events which take place. For instance, it's her younger sisters birthday meal soon and I haven't been invited. I haven't ever been invited to any of their family meals except one (this is all within the 18 month time span). Yet she has been invited to all of my family's meals as well as those including grandparents and the like.

Going on from that, by no means do I expect it but they're going on holiday in the Summer and didn't ask whether I'd like to go with them or not. It particularly bugs me because my family treat her in the complete opposite, asking whether she'd like to come on holidays with us and to meals etc and her parents know this yet don't reciprocate that to me.

Do any of you have any ways in which I can try and bridge this gap as I am always polite to them and treat their house as though it was my own, with a lot of respect and sometimes they can get on with me really well, however on other occasions they just shut me out.....I honestly don't know what to do and I love my girlfriend but her family is starting to bug me as it feels as though I am putting in a lot of effort for not a great lot in return.

Sorry for the long message too but let's see where I can get with this :smile: Thanks in advanced :smile:


Do they invite you to things which don't cost money to have you there?
Reply 2
Original post by claireestelle
Do they invite you to things which don't cost money to have you there?


They don't really do a lot anyway, so not really. They are a fairly wealthy family and so don't have concerns about and even so, I would be willing to pay for myself if needs be.
Some family units are very closed. Your gf would know what they are like. They might treat everyone like that. You could do a chamr iffensive but they could take that either way. Just carry on being polite imo so you dont give them any excuse.

Do your parents interact with them?

I wouldnt make too much of an issue of it.
Original post by Anonymous
They don't really do a lot anyway, so not really. They are a fairly wealthy family and so don't have concerns about and even so, I would be willing to pay for myself if needs be.


It does seem like you are doing everything you should be to be polite, it could be that they see those events as family only and dont recognise why you should be invited i m afraid.
Reply 5
Original post by 999tigger
Some family units are very closed. Your gf would know what they are like. They might treat everyone like that. You could do a chamr iffensive but they could take that either way. Just carry on being polite imo so you dont give them any excuse.

Do your parents interact with them?

I wouldnt make too much of an issue of it.


I know that some can be however I'd have thought that after 18 months of being myself, a genuinely nice kid, they would open up to me a bit more. I feel as though sometimes they treat other the same or some of her better friends, a bit better than myself which I find a tad strange but don't worry about too much.

Of course I'll carry on staying how I am, just gets me down from time to time :frown:
Reply 6
Original post by claireestelle
It does seem like you are doing everything you should be to be polite, it could be that they see those events as family only and dont recognise why you should be invited i m afraid.


That's what I've thought however they know that we are very close and as my girlfriend has said; my presence makes her happy and if her family would like her to be happy then surely it should be within them to contemplate inviting me...
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
So to put you all in perspective, me and my girlfriend have been together for 18 months and there's nothing wrong with how her family treat me when we're together at one another's houses other than the odd occasions where they'll intervene asking about revision/hwk and whether we should put that first. It's a tad difficult as we're both in our last year of A-Levels, both work and so we get to see each other between once and three times a week generally.

However, the issue is not like the above but more other events which take place. For instance, it's her younger sisters birthday meal soon and I haven't been invited. I haven't ever been invited to any of their family meals except one (this is all within the 18 month time span). Yet she has been invited to all of my family's meals as well as those including grandparents and the like.

Going on from that, by no means do I expect it but they're going on holiday in the Summer and didn't ask whether I'd like to go with them or not. It particularly bugs me because my family treat her in the complete opposite, asking whether she'd like to come on holidays with us and to meals etc and her parents know this yet don't reciprocate that to me.

Do any of you have any ways in which I can try and bridge this gap as I am always polite to them and treat their house as though it was my own, with a lot of respect and sometimes they can get on with me really well, however on other occasions they just shut me out.....I honestly don't know what to do and I love my girlfriend but her family is starting to bug me as it feels as though I am putting in a lot of effort for not a great lot in return.

Sorry for the long message too but let's see where I can get with this :smile: Thanks in advanced :smile:


sounds like my bfs family. i think they only do stuff out of obligation and not because they wamt too
Original post by Anonymous
That's what I've thought however they know that we are very close and as my girlfriend has said; my presence makes her happy and if her family would like her to be happy then surely it should be within them to contemplate inviting me...


Unfortunately not every family is like that i m afraid.
Original post by Anonymous
That's what I've thought however they know that we are very close and as my girlfriend has said; my presence makes her happy and if her family would like her to be happy then surely it should be within them to contemplate inviting me...
Do you know whether your girlfriend has asked her parents if you could also attend and what their response was?

It may be that she has not made her wishes known?
Original post by shawtyb
sounds like my bfs family. i think they only do stuff out of obligation and not because they wamt too


See, I don't even feel as though they do that sometimes....As I say, I've been to one of their meals and that felt a bit of both as though they wanted to but also because they felt the need to. Since then, I was hoping things would pick up and I'd be able to do more family things with them however it seems as the moment as though that's not the case
Original post by Anonymous
See, I don't even feel as though they do that sometimes....As I say, I've been to one of their meals and that felt a bit of both as though they wanted to but also because they felt the need to. Since then, I was hoping things would pick up and I'd be able to do more family things with them however it seems as the moment as though that's not the case


i understand and sympathise.
i hate my bfs mum, who favours his ex over myself and is not willing to give me a chance.
Original post by shawtyb
i understand and sympathise.
i hate my bfs mum, who favours his ex over myself and is not willing to give me a chance.


It's not as though they're not giving me a chance but there's a lot worse people out there who my gf could be with and I just don't understand why they can't be happy about me being a kind of sub family I guess and become to trust me. I've house sat for them whilst they've been on holiday so I am trusted by them but then I'm not invited to family meals, I find it all a bit bizarre.
Original post by Anonymous
It's not as though they're not giving me a chance but there's a lot worse people out there who my gf could be with and I just don't understand why they can't be happy about me being a kind of sub family I guess and become to trust me. I've house sat for them whilst they've been on holiday so I am trusted by them but then I'm not invited to family meals, I find it all a bit bizarre.


ask ur missus to have a quiet word?
Original post by shawtyb
ask ur missus to have a quiet word?


I already have....we had a discussion about 4/5 months ago and so she spoke to her mom and her mom pretty much agreed (by the sounds of things at least) and that's why I was then able to go to this one meal out however nothing since then so it feels as though it may have been a bit of a one trick pony
Original post by Anonymous
I already have....we had a discussion about 4/5 months ago and so she spoke to her mom and her mom pretty much agreed (by the sounds of things at least) and that's why I was then able to go to this one meal out however nothing since then so it feels as though it may have been a bit of a one trick pony


im not sure then :/
Original post by shawtyb
im not sure then :/


I know...I feel as though I'm pretty much out of options.....in my head at least anyway :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
I know...I feel as though I'm pretty much out of options.....in my head at least anyway :frown:


same as me.
i now just avoid talking to them unless they talk to me, i dont expect to be invited over etc and if i dont, i just force myself not to think of it.
thats the best i can do.
iv accepted she'll never like me more then his ex, or even at all
Original post by Anonymous
I know that some can be however I'd have thought that after 18 months of being myself, a genuinely nice kid, they would open up to me a bit more. I feel as though sometimes they treat other the same or some of her better friends, a bit better than myself which I find a tad strange but don't worry about too much.

Of course I'll carry on staying how I am, just gets me down from time to time :frown:

Your gf is the one who should know,
Are there any cultural things in the way?
They might treat everyone like that.

Talk to your parents. Maybe invite them for a barbecue or picnic

You are doing everything right, just don give them an excuse.
Original post by shawtyb
same as me.
i now just avoid talking to them unless they talk to me, i dont expect to be invited over etc and if i dont, i just force myself not to think of it.
thats the best i can do.
iv accepted she'll never like me more then his ex, or even at all


I think that's what I'm going to have to do....just not ideal by any means -.-

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