Guys' texting habits and keeping with relationships
If I could also get some detailed male perspectives I'd really appreciate it because I am soooooo clueless it's almost sad.
So I've never had a boyfriend before, principally because there has never ever been a guy I liked (epically depressing). I have never clicked with any guy on a emotional or romantic level.
Last summer I was on holiday and I met this guy who is about 7 years older than me. I had actually met him the year before but only briefly then happen to bump into him again last year. He was working on the job during the whole time it was during a festival. Instantly there was a click. More on his part first. His colleagues noticed something at first before me and when they pointed it out I started noticing he was very sweet around me. And then it progressed until I had to go home. Now I know some might think oh this was just a bit of fun and a fling but could u plz imagine that special click u make with the other sex sometimes which is instant and happened in a very short space of time. U can't yet put your finger on it but there's seriously something there. He was so different around me compared to his colleagues and other people. He's a stress head essentially. He's the head of the fieldwork division in the whole company so he's always running around, stressed, working epically long hours sometimes I can't even believe. So long story short it got somewhere on the last day i could see him (no didn't sleep with him). The spark peaked ....and then I had to leave.....
So I guess I never got proper closure.
We exchanged numbers and I've been trying so hard to keep in contact with him. At first when I got home he did text me normally then as the year progressed getting back to normal life he is still nice when he replies to my texts but it's very noticeable he blanks my messages. I ask him stuff and sometimes he asks me first how I am but either he has no idea how to hold a conversation or he doesn't respond to my messages even when I ask him a question.
When he starts its always 'hey' 'how r u' and what does he expect of me just to say hi back. He doesn't progress the convo in any direction it's so frustrating. Bc of the time difference he's 5hrs behind me I understand we r at diff times of the day but a lot of the time he never responds back to my texts. Never not even days later. I'm not needy what so ever he is not my boyfriend, we both unspokenly mutually liked each other and I'm just trying to keep up the great chemistry we had since last summer even as a friendship. If u saw my other question I posted, I want to keep relationships but no one ever seems to want the same.
Obviously this annoys the crap out of me and I do complain to him and he apologises but he always says he is busy. I half and half believe and don't believe this BS. In his job he's not allowed at all to be on his phone during fieldwork jobs I know that and the 5hr time difference worsens his unavailability. It doesn't seem like he's completely forgotten about me because whenever he texts me back he's still just as sweet and he apologises every time I call him out. But come on! I feel so sad about this. I know he's busy but texting doesn't have to be communicating with the other person in real time. Couldn't he reply a few hrs later when he finishes work or has a break. A reply takes only a few seconds. And he says bc of the time difference when he wakes up I fall asleep but no! Five hours is not that big of a diff. I'm awake most of the day when he already wakes up. And also so what if I fall asleep I'll wake up in a few hours then the convo can carry on. He is already so stressed with his job and I don't want to pile on to his stress. I get that he's busy. The last time I called him out he's saying he's been doing 15-20hr shifts lately so I could understand when he gets a break he just wants to chill ok I totally understand. But...couldn't he even drop me a short message or reply.... His silence just makes me think he's completely ignoring me. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes to understand why he might be busy 24/7. R some people busy 24/7??? I can't picture it. He's not a playboy, he's not an ass. He is a very sweet, serious, decent man when I met him. He has been said to me that he's sorry for texting like an ass he might be working so much his stress is making him a negative person and he's projecting it onto me.
I've seen many of these kinds of threads saying ditch the guy, move on. But plz there was something there. On a we live in diff countries so not practical but even just the friendship. I do like him. Even though he frustrates the crap out of me! Most relationship threads keep mentioning the he only acts however cos he wants sex but non of those reads r helpful to me because my situation is diff: we live in diff countries so obvs no coitus involved. I'm very careful not to rant like crazy to him giving him a hard time because he genuinely could be neck deep in work and I'm not his first priority which is understandable. It's just hard bc I don't know what's going on with him.
So guys can u shed some light on this situation. What r your texting habits? R all guys terrible texters? The only way we communicate is via whatsapp so texting isn't just a convenient way to make plans anymore it's our sole way of talking but ....he doesn't seem to be putting in any effort anymore 😔😔😔
Btw guys is there anyway a girl can tell u how she feels without sounding needy?? Or is all of those texts needy? In which case how is a girl supposed to tell u what u r upsetting her about?
So I've never had a boyfriend before, principally because there has never ever been a guy I liked (epically depressing). I have never clicked with any guy on a emotional or romantic level.
Last summer I was on holiday and I met this guy who is about 7 years older than me. I had actually met him the year before but only briefly then happen to bump into him again last year. He was working on the job during the whole time it was during a festival. Instantly there was a click. More on his part first. His colleagues noticed something at first before me and when they pointed it out I started noticing he was very sweet around me. And then it progressed until I had to go home. Now I know some might think oh this was just a bit of fun and a fling but could u plz imagine that special click u make with the other sex sometimes which is instant and happened in a very short space of time. U can't yet put your finger on it but there's seriously something there. He was so different around me compared to his colleagues and other people. He's a stress head essentially. He's the head of the fieldwork division in the whole company so he's always running around, stressed, working epically long hours sometimes I can't even believe. So long story short it got somewhere on the last day i could see him (no didn't sleep with him). The spark peaked ....and then I had to leave.....
So I guess I never got proper closure.
We exchanged numbers and I've been trying so hard to keep in contact with him. At first when I got home he did text me normally then as the year progressed getting back to normal life he is still nice when he replies to my texts but it's very noticeable he blanks my messages. I ask him stuff and sometimes he asks me first how I am but either he has no idea how to hold a conversation or he doesn't respond to my messages even when I ask him a question.
When he starts its always 'hey' 'how r u' and what does he expect of me just to say hi back. He doesn't progress the convo in any direction it's so frustrating. Bc of the time difference he's 5hrs behind me I understand we r at diff times of the day but a lot of the time he never responds back to my texts. Never not even days later. I'm not needy what so ever he is not my boyfriend, we both unspokenly mutually liked each other and I'm just trying to keep up the great chemistry we had since last summer even as a friendship. If u saw my other question I posted, I want to keep relationships but no one ever seems to want the same.
Obviously this annoys the crap out of me and I do complain to him and he apologises but he always says he is busy. I half and half believe and don't believe this BS. In his job he's not allowed at all to be on his phone during fieldwork jobs I know that and the 5hr time difference worsens his unavailability. It doesn't seem like he's completely forgotten about me because whenever he texts me back he's still just as sweet and he apologises every time I call him out. But come on! I feel so sad about this. I know he's busy but texting doesn't have to be communicating with the other person in real time. Couldn't he reply a few hrs later when he finishes work or has a break. A reply takes only a few seconds. And he says bc of the time difference when he wakes up I fall asleep but no! Five hours is not that big of a diff. I'm awake most of the day when he already wakes up. And also so what if I fall asleep I'll wake up in a few hours then the convo can carry on. He is already so stressed with his job and I don't want to pile on to his stress. I get that he's busy. The last time I called him out he's saying he's been doing 15-20hr shifts lately so I could understand when he gets a break he just wants to chill ok I totally understand. But...couldn't he even drop me a short message or reply.... His silence just makes me think he's completely ignoring me. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes to understand why he might be busy 24/7. R some people busy 24/7??? I can't picture it. He's not a playboy, he's not an ass. He is a very sweet, serious, decent man when I met him. He has been said to me that he's sorry for texting like an ass he might be working so much his stress is making him a negative person and he's projecting it onto me.
I've seen many of these kinds of threads saying ditch the guy, move on. But plz there was something there. On a we live in diff countries so not practical but even just the friendship. I do like him. Even though he frustrates the crap out of me! Most relationship threads keep mentioning the he only acts however cos he wants sex but non of those reads r helpful to me because my situation is diff: we live in diff countries so obvs no coitus involved. I'm very careful not to rant like crazy to him giving him a hard time because he genuinely could be neck deep in work and I'm not his first priority which is understandable. It's just hard bc I don't know what's going on with him.
So guys can u shed some light on this situation. What r your texting habits? R all guys terrible texters? The only way we communicate is via whatsapp so texting isn't just a convenient way to make plans anymore it's our sole way of talking but ....he doesn't seem to be putting in any effort anymore 😔😔😔
Btw guys is there anyway a girl can tell u how she feels without sounding needy?? Or is all of those texts needy? In which case how is a girl supposed to tell u what u r upsetting her about?
I don't know him or you or what your friendship is like, but consider this - do you need replies?
My current fiance is quite terrible at keeping in contact, it doesn't mean he's not interested or his love for me is any less deep - he just doesn't message people much. We used to be long distance, although we spent a large portion of our time together because we were constantly traveling back and forth. When together, we were inseparable, and when apart - he would sometimes not message me much/at all but I knew it didn't mean anything. He didn't even have a heavy job either! I would still message him, all the time, telling him little things I thought were funny or interesting or that he'd like, or just about my day. I knew he'd read them as and whenever he'd read them, and he mostly wouldn't reply, but I personally didn't need him to. I just knew he enjoyed it anyway and I liked feeling connected to him that way. Now we live together and work at the same place, if we could we would literally spend 24/7 together and never get fed up.
Maybe you could just say to him that you understand he's busy so he can't reply much - but you're going to message him anyway not expecting him to and hope he doesn't mind. If you think that could be enough to keep it alive for you too, that is.
What's your long term plan? Obviously endless messages with no reply are not that much of a friendship, but I imagine you'll see each other again one day too?
My current fiance is quite terrible at keeping in contact, it doesn't mean he's not interested or his love for me is any less deep - he just doesn't message people much. We used to be long distance, although we spent a large portion of our time together because we were constantly traveling back and forth. When together, we were inseparable, and when apart - he would sometimes not message me much/at all but I knew it didn't mean anything. He didn't even have a heavy job either! I would still message him, all the time, telling him little things I thought were funny or interesting or that he'd like, or just about my day. I knew he'd read them as and whenever he'd read them, and he mostly wouldn't reply, but I personally didn't need him to. I just knew he enjoyed it anyway and I liked feeling connected to him that way. Now we live together and work at the same place, if we could we would literally spend 24/7 together and never get fed up.
Maybe you could just say to him that you understand he's busy so he can't reply much - but you're going to message him anyway not expecting him to and hope he doesn't mind. If you think that could be enough to keep it alive for you too, that is.
What's your long term plan? Obviously endless messages with no reply are not that much of a friendship, but I imagine you'll see each other again one day too?
What are you hoping to happen? Not being funny but he's in another country and there are plenty of other women he can entertain instead.
Wow, long post.Maybe he doesn't want a long distance relationship and isn't motivated enough to put effort in to chatting with you that much.
Original post by Ribbits
I don't know him or you or what your friendship is like, but consider this - do you need replies?
My current fiance is quite terrible at keeping in contact, it doesn't mean he's not interested or his love for me is any less deep - he just doesn't message people much. We used to be long distance, although we spent a large portion of our time together because we were constantly traveling back and forth. When together, we were inseparable, and when apart - he would sometimes not message me much/at all but I knew it didn't mean anything. He didn't even have a heavy job either! I would still message him, all the time, telling him little things I thought were funny or interesting or that he'd like, or just about my day. I knew he'd read them as and whenever he'd read them, and he mostly wouldn't reply, but I personally didn't need him to. I just knew he enjoyed it anyway and I liked feeling connected to him that way. Now we live together and work at the same place, if we could we would literally spend 24/7 together and never get fed up.
Maybe you could just say to him that you understand he's busy so he can't reply much - but you're going to message him anyway not expecting him to and hope he doesn't mind. If you think that could be enough to keep it alive for you too, that is.
What's your long term plan? Obviously endless messages with no reply are not that much of a friendship, but I imagine you'll see each other again one day too?
My current fiance is quite terrible at keeping in contact, it doesn't mean he's not interested or his love for me is any less deep - he just doesn't message people much. We used to be long distance, although we spent a large portion of our time together because we were constantly traveling back and forth. When together, we were inseparable, and when apart - he would sometimes not message me much/at all but I knew it didn't mean anything. He didn't even have a heavy job either! I would still message him, all the time, telling him little things I thought were funny or interesting or that he'd like, or just about my day. I knew he'd read them as and whenever he'd read them, and he mostly wouldn't reply, but I personally didn't need him to. I just knew he enjoyed it anyway and I liked feeling connected to him that way. Now we live together and work at the same place, if we could we would literally spend 24/7 together and never get fed up.
Maybe you could just say to him that you understand he's busy so he can't reply much - but you're going to message him anyway not expecting him to and hope he doesn't mind. If you think that could be enough to keep it alive for you too, that is.
What's your long term plan? Obviously endless messages with no reply are not that much of a friendship, but I imagine you'll see each other again one day too?
It's because he lives in a different country so texting is our only form of communication. If there's no two way communication, we might as well be strangers. So u could at least see ur fiancé when it was long distance, but I was there on holiday so yeah I can't just jet back and forth. I like him. And I think I he still likes me. I just wish I knew more about him but he's not a very open person.
How can a friendship or relationship sustain if there's prolonged silence. Everything would just fizzle neither would have any idea what's happening in the other persons life. I'd like to tell him more stuff but can u understand if I keep rambling on about my life and he just reads and never replies wouldn't I sound very narcissistic he didn't even asked and he could think why do I keep updating him about my life
And I'd like to know stuff about him too, it's no fun if I, the only one talking.
Oh cruel fate. Why is it the first man I ever fall for is out of my reach
that's so cruel. And I don't like guys easily at all. It's really is a rarity. He asked me earlier in the year would I go back bc he wants me to and I love that city and I'd like to see him as well so am planning to go this summer. I know it's stupid but maybe I'm just setting myself up to get hurt.Original post by phunky_fresh
What are you hoping to happen? Not being funny but he's in another country and there are plenty of other women he can entertain instead.
That's mean
u r assuming all guys r playboys. Fair logic to that. But yeah....strongly he is not a playboy at all. If so I wouldn't be interested.Original post by JazzyFlower
That's mean u r assuming all guys r playboys. Fair logic to that. But yeah....strongly he is not a playboy at all. If so I wouldn't be interested.
u r assuming all guys r playboys. Fair logic to that. But yeah....strongly he is not a playboy at all. If so I wouldn't be interested.No I'm being realistic. I didn't say all guys were playboys anywhere in my response. He is in another country and his slow responses could indicate his interest being elsewhere. Unless both parties are putting in alot of effort then its hard to sustain any kind of LDR..
@JazzyFlower K so without going through all of this he probably is busy tbh. But no one is too busy to text back. He probably wants to give his undivided attention to ya but can't because he's...well...busy, so instead of typing something not genuine for rushing, just to text back, or having to figure out a way to get private time for you while on the job, he just...blanks ya :\ and it probably sucks but there's no way to get an answer outta him since he never answers lol and now you're probably wondering, "is it me?" I doubt he started speaking to you just to stop later. But you say you wanna keep a relationship, and he is too busy to. So why he started something with you in the 1st place is stupid, he knew he'd not have the time. So maybe he just wanted a sling dunno. You gonna have to be direct and not ask him small talk ****, just straight up ask, "Are you playing with me?" or whatever women say. Like whatever you have to say ask him, we're not psychics.
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