Lost the best guy I've ever known
So I met that guy at the end of February, since the first date we got on really well and enkjoyed spending time together. He was so different from all the guys I dated before him. He wouldn't try to get into my pants whatsoever. He was just perfect. We got into a relationship at the end of march and everything was pretty perfect until last tuesday when I had a go at him just because he didn't tell me about his plans. I got upset and I told him a few thing i.e. that I feel like I'm the only one treating our relationship seriously and that I feel like he prefers to spend time with his mates rather than with me. He broke up with me after that. It was our first serious argument and he just left. And now I can't stop thinking about him. He treated me so well and I felt so good with him. He tried to help me with my insecurities and everything. If only I hadn't said all those things on tuesday we'd still be together. And now I just feel really **** because it's all my fault. I'm afraid I will never find anyone like him ever again, someone who will just like me for who I am and who will rather just sleep next to me and cuddle me than do anything else. I'm really scared of being alone. He was the first guy I have ever been in a serious relationship with and I just don't know what to do.
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When did this break up happen?
I'm assuming you already tried to apologize and try to reconcile?
I'm assuming you already tried to apologize and try to reconcile?
Original post by MardyBumm
So I met that guy at the end of February, since the first date we got on really well and enkjoyed spending time together. He was so different from all the guys I dated before him. He wouldn't try to get into my pants whatsoever. He was just perfect. We got into a relationship at the end of march and everything was pretty perfect until last tuesday when I had a go at him just because he didn't tell me about his plans. I got upset and I told him a few thing i.e. that I feel like I'm the only one treating our relationship seriously and that I feel like he prefers to spend time with his mates rather than with me. He broke up with me after that. It was our first serious argument and he just left. And now I can't stop thinking about him. He treated me so well and I felt so good with him. He tried to help me with my insecurities and everything. If only I hadn't said all those things on tuesday we'd still be together. And now I just feel really **** because it's all my fault. I'm afraid I will never find anyone like him ever again, someone who will just like me for who I am and who will rather just sleep next to me and cuddle me than do anything else. I'm really scared of being alone. He was the first guy I have ever been in a serious relationship with and I just don't know what to do.
talk to him and apologise? tell him how much you value him. try not to sound needy or insecure (not saying you are)
Too bad you'll never be rad
Original post by BristolFresher15
When did this break up happen?
I'm assuming you already tried to apologize and try to reconcile?
I'm assuming you already tried to apologize and try to reconcile?
It happened on Thursday. I did try to apologise but he said that the amount of effort he would have to put in it to make it work is not worth it. And he said that he has made up his mind
Original post by Ambre
talk to him and apologise? tell him how much you value him. try not to sound needy or insecure (not saying you are)
I did that but he said he won't change his mind. I regret what I said so much. My friend says that it's not a reason to break up with somone but I still feel so **** and I feel like it's all my fault
Original post by MardyBumm
It happened on Thursday. I did try to apologise but he said that the amount of effort he would have to put in it to make it work is not worth it. And he said that he has made up his mind
In that case maybe he does feel that a relationship was too much effort to cope with. He may change his mind considering it wasn't too long ago. You can send him a more elaborate message of your apology and maybe a way to compromise because of how much he means to you.
Original post by BristolFresher15
In that case maybe he does feel that a relationship was too much effort to cope with. He may change his mind considering it wasn't too long ago. You can send him a more elaborate message of your apology and maybe a way to compromise because of how much he means to you.
I really doubt it would change anything. I tried to do it on thursday but he said he wasn't going to change his mind. And I dont want to come across as desperate or pathetic
Original post by MardyBumm
I did that but he said he won't change his mind. I regret what I said so much. My friend says that it's not a reason to break up with somone but I still feel so **** and I feel like it's all my fault
I don't think he broke up with you for what you said, I'm guessing he must have been discontented with your relationship as a whole, and maybe you weren't aware of that
don't feel bad, I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong
Original post by MardyBumm
I really doubt it would change anything. I tried to do it on thursday but he said he wasn't going to change his mind. And I dont want to come across as desperate or pathetic
Well then, I'm sorry, but you have no other options.
If he changes his mind on his own, great. If not, you can chalk it up to fate. I'm sure you'll find someone else you like as much, its a statistical certainty.
See if he's willing to give it another chance? Just assure that it will be perffeccctt? 
Original post by Ambre
I don't think he broke up with you for what you said, I'm guessing he must have been discontented with your relationship as a whole, and maybe you weren't aware of that
don't feel bad, I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong
don't feel bad, I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong
But everything was perfectly fine before Tuesaday, We met at the weekend as always and it was really good (and I'm really perceptive when it comes to things like that so I would have noticed the smallest change).
I do get insecure sometimes and he was well aware of it but it never was anything big and he would always put my mind at ease or something.
Original post by MardyBumm
So I met that guy at the end of February, since the first date we got on really well and enkjoyed spending time together. He was so different from all the guys I dated before him. He wouldn't try to get into my pants whatsoever. He was just perfect. We got into a relationship at the end of march and everything was pretty perfect until last tuesday when I had a go at him just because he didn't tell me about his plans. I got upset and I told him a few thing i.e. that I feel like I'm the only one treating our relationship seriously and that I feel like he prefers to spend time with his mates rather than with me. He broke up with me after that. It was our first serious argument and he just left. And now I can't stop thinking about him. He treated me so well and I felt so good with him. He tried to help me with my insecurities and everything. If only I hadn't said all those things on tuesday we'd still be together. And now I just feel really **** because it's all my fault. I'm afraid I will never find anyone like him ever again, someone who will just like me for who I am and who will rather just sleep next to me and cuddle me than do anything else. I'm really scared of being alone. He was the first guy I have ever been in a serious relationship with and I just don't know what to do.
You met this guy at the end of Feburary and started dating at the end of March, then things ended last Tuesday. That's just over three months of knowing him.
Miss, I hate to sound patronizing and critical here, but the demise of this relationship was for the most part your fault.
For starters, why is he the best guy you have ever known? You barely even knew him. Just because you date for a while and enter into a relationship doesn't mean you truly know that person. Heck, if that were the case then you would have identified that he would be the type of guy to walk away as soon as the going gets tough. This isn't a criticism and more-so an observation, but you made the typical young teenager mistake of idealizing the person you are infatuated with. Your post screams of a young girl who has put her (ex) partner onto a pedestal, which kills relationships very very quickly.
Secondly, you were in a relationship with this guy for three months and already pulling out the stops to make him run the other way. If there's any issue in your relationship, the very best thing to do is NOT to discuss it when you're emotional but instead wait until both parties have calmed down so that you can talk about things civilly. By arguing with him (and, from the sounds of it, mentioning everything at once) the only thing you end up doing is getting the both of you irate. The other issue here is why, three months into a relationship, do you feel the need to question his commitment to the relationship; it's still very early days, you're both adjusting to a way of life with each other, and whilst certainly there is an expectation for him to spend plenty of time with you there is also the reasonable acceptance that he will want to spend time with his friends. Your insecurities and/or jealousy got in the way here, and he reacted to the warning signs accordingly by leaving.
Which brings me to my third point, which is why do you expect or otherwise allow your new partner to help you with YOUR behavior? I'm sorry but that is unreasonable. If you have issues such as insecurity, that is your problem and something you as an individual need to work on. Sure, he can support you through this, but such a commitment doesn't develop until much further on in a relationship.
The benefit of this is you can learn from the experience. Please do not think I'm having ago at you; I'm merely trying to save you a world of pain and heartache by not repeating the same mistakes many other young people tend to do. It's difficult to say if this relationship is salvageable, but what you really need to do is work on yourself so that this doesn't happen again in the future. Furthermore you need to take a look at your expectations for young relationships and identify that whilst it is perfectly fine to have standards and expect X or Y, very early on in a relationship is not the best time to be finding and working on faults.
You seem like a lovely girl, so please keep your chin up. If not this guy, then there will be another who will one day sweep you off your feet. Stay strong, stay positive, and work on fixing those issues you claim to have. Then the rest will fall into place and you will be all the more happier for it.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by MardyBumm
So I met that guy at the end of February, since the first date we got on really well and enkjoyed spending time together. He was so different from all the guys I dated before him. He wouldn't try to get into my pants whatsoever. He was just perfect. We got into a relationship at the end of march and everything was pretty perfect until last tuesday when I had a go at him just because he didn't tell me about his plans. I got upset and I told him a few thing i.e. that I feel like I'm the only one treating our relationship seriously and that I feel like he prefers to spend time with his mates rather than with me. He broke up with me after that. It was our first serious argument and he just left. And now I can't stop thinking about him. He treated me so well and I felt so good with him. He tried to help me with my insecurities and everything. If only I hadn't said all those things on tuesday we'd still be together. And now I just feel really **** because it's all my fault. I'm afraid I will never find anyone like him ever again, someone who will just like me for who I am and who will rather just sleep next to me and cuddle me than do anything else. I'm really scared of being alone. He was the first guy I have ever been in a serious relationship with and I just don't know what to do.
That is no reason to break up with someone, if he truly liked you there's no way that one little argument would cause an end to a relationship.
Maybe there were other things that were stressing him out to the point that the idea of a relationship was too much? Exams, university?
Don't say that you'll never find someone better, because you will. What he has done just looks very immature. Arguments should be sorted out, he avoided confrontation and ended it because it was easier for him. One day you'll find someone who will possess all the qualities which he lacked, he will put more effort into you than his mates and he will make the effort to improve on anything that you have an issue with.
If he doesn't want to be with you anymore then I'd say don't waste your time on him, spend that time trying to get over him.
Speaking from experience, there was once a guy who I got along with very well, then suddenly he started to put in less and less effort, after I told him about my worries he said he'd change but he didn't. He then left but at that stage I couldn't care less. Now all he does is message me every few weeks apologizing and trying to get back together, I say it's too late.
So yeah, if he wanted to be with you, he'd put in the effort. Don't spam him with messages, don't be clingy because that'll only make it worse. If he wants to get back with you, he will.
I think that's what I needed really.
And we were going to discuss all of it on Friday but on Thursday he sent me a message saying that he had been thinking about us and that its best if we break up now so we don't waste each other time.
I was totally fine with hm not spending every single day with me. The only time when I got annoyed was when he cancelled to meet becasue he was too tired ( even though we were going to just chill and watcha film or so).
And I know, I've only realised that I can't expect anyone to solve my problems after the break up. I need to sort it out myself, now I know that.
And we were going to discuss all of it on Friday but on Thursday he sent me a message saying that he had been thinking about us and that its best if we break up now so we don't waste each other time.
I was totally fine with hm not spending every single day with me. The only time when I got annoyed was when he cancelled to meet becasue he was too tired ( even though we were going to just chill and watcha film or so).
And I know, I've only realised that I can't expect anyone to solve my problems after the break up. I need to sort it out myself, now I know that.
Original post by Anonymous
That is no reason to break up with someone, if he truly liked you there's no way that one little argument would cause an end to a relationship.
Maybe there were other things that were stressing him out to the point that the idea of a relationship was too much? Exams, university?
Don't say that you'll never find someone better, because you will. What he has done just looks very immature. Arguments should be sorted out, he avoided confrontation and ended it because it was easier for him. One day you'll find someone who will possess all the qualities which he lacked, he will put more effort into you than his mates and he will make the effort to improve on anything that you have an issue with.
If he doesn't want to be with you anymore then I'd say don't waste your time on him, spend that time trying to get over him.
Speaking from experience, there was once a guy who I got along with very well, then suddenly he started to put in less and less effort, after I told him about my worries he said he'd change but he didn't. He then left but at that stage I couldn't care less. Now all he does is message me every few weeks apologizing and trying to get back together, I say it's too late.
So yeah, if he wanted to be with you, he'd put in the effort. Don't spam him with messages, don't be clingy because that'll only make it worse. If he wants to get back with you, he will.
Maybe there were other things that were stressing him out to the point that the idea of a relationship was too much? Exams, university?
Don't say that you'll never find someone better, because you will. What he has done just looks very immature. Arguments should be sorted out, he avoided confrontation and ended it because it was easier for him. One day you'll find someone who will possess all the qualities which he lacked, he will put more effort into you than his mates and he will make the effort to improve on anything that you have an issue with.
If he doesn't want to be with you anymore then I'd say don't waste your time on him, spend that time trying to get over him.
Speaking from experience, there was once a guy who I got along with very well, then suddenly he started to put in less and less effort, after I told him about my worries he said he'd change but he didn't. He then left but at that stage I couldn't care less. Now all he does is message me every few weeks apologizing and trying to get back together, I say it's too late.
So yeah, if he wanted to be with you, he'd put in the effort. Don't spam him with messages, don't be clingy because that'll only make it worse. If he wants to get back with you, he will.
Well yes, we both had exams and his ended at the beginning of June. we didnt see each other as often during that time and it was a bit frustrating but I didn't really talk to him about how I felt about it.
And yes, he sent a break up text instead of telling me that face to face.
And I haven't masseged him since we broke up. The reason why I feel so bad is becaue it's only my fault and if I hadn't said what I said on that day we'd still be together.
he was a nice guy and you decided to have a go at him just because he didn't tell he about his plans, not good.
Original post by MardyBumm
I think that's what I needed really.
And we were going to discuss all of it on Friday but on Thursday he sent me a message saying that he had been thinking about us and that its best if we break up now so we don't waste each other time.
I was totally fine with hm not spending every single day with me. The only time when I got annoyed was when he cancelled to meet becasue he was too tired ( even though we were going to just chill and watcha film or so).
And I know, I've only realised that I can't expect anyone to solve my problems after the break up. I need to sort it out myself, now I know that.
And we were going to discuss all of it on Friday but on Thursday he sent me a message saying that he had been thinking about us and that its best if we break up now so we don't waste each other time.
I was totally fine with hm not spending every single day with me. The only time when I got annoyed was when he cancelled to meet becasue he was too tired ( even though we were going to just chill and watcha film or so).
And I know, I've only realised that I can't expect anyone to solve my problems after the break up. I need to sort it out myself, now I know that.
I very much commend you for your maturity on the matter.
It's good you can identify things that went wrong and your responsibility for it (though I should say, no break-up is 100% one individual's responsibility; he has played his part too!).Have you spoken to each other since? There might be an opportunity to salvage this, but the ball is in his court I'm afraid. Knowing a bit more detail about how your argument panned out and how the conversations during and post-break up went would give me better insight.
Feel free to PM me, for advice on your issues, to talk about the break-up more or for a friend.
Try to remain friends. Nothing else you can do. He might have been waiting for an excuse. In future don't cause an argument over bloody plans
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