Dating a single mother

Hi all,

I am 27 years old and recently met a really nice girl who I have been dating last 3 months. She is 25 and has a 9 month baby. We met online. Her ex (father of the child) is not involved anymore and she confidently told me that in person. Infact he left when she became pregnant so its been a year now since shes been single. I trust her and like her. I havent met the kid yet. Im not sure how i feel about being a step dad..even tho its very early days. Im not against the idea but im not ready yet..however i like her.
what should i do?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Revision120

Stay with her and if things go well they go well

Reply 2

twentystraveller

If you love a girl, you will jump, run and fly over obstacles for her, whatever makes her happy. If you are sure you love her and are willing to spend time with her, then there should be nothing to be hesitant about. Don't begin doubting yourself, if its the pressure getting to you, thats normal. A step dad isn't a difficult role in life and i can be most certain, that you'll be great at it. Love is love, so whatever happens should only be an adventure and journey with your loved one(s).

My last piece of advice; You'll be fine.

Reply 3

Elivercury

Simple, forget she is a single mother and date her how you would any other girl. She isn't about to demand you become the father or break up in the next few weeks, so just take your time, get to know her and enjoy yourself.

If you're still dating after a year or so, then you can perhaps start to get involved with the child and consider whether this being a step-dad business is for you.

Forget the kid, focus on the woman and the rest will figure itself out one way or another.

Reply 4

shawtyb

i was a single mother until my partner and i got together. he took on my own two kids and we had a third together.
its not a big'a deal as people make it out to be!
single mothers/fathers are not bad people and although we have 'baggage', were still capable of being good partners!

people who shun single/young mothers do my ****ing nut in !

not saying that you are, this topic drives me insane and its impossible to stay quiet

Reply 5

BekahTalc

I think you should give it a go so you don't have any regrets if you back off at first chance, cause you sound like you really like the girl. At first it may be a little overwhelming understandably, but you could get used to it in time and grow to love both of them. Good luck! :h:

Reply 6

username1726117

Original post by shawtyb

people who shun single/young mothers do my ****ing nut in !

What do you mean by "shun"? I myself would never date a single/young mother, but I don't have any less respect for or think ill of them.

@OP;

It's entirely up to you mate. Follow your heart. If you love the girl and love the kid, I don't see why not. :smile:

Reply 7

shawtyb

well people tend to avoid single/young mothers, im not sure why, maybe they think were not good enough people compared to those without kids.
were exactly the same, just have more responsibility

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by shawtyb

Depends why they're single mothers tbf, if she was a cheat then...understandable, if it was the other partner cheating/not wanting to have anything to do with the kid, then I agree.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Original post by shawtyb

well people tend to avoid single/young mothers, im not sure why, maybe they think were not good enough people compared to those without kids.
were exactly the same, just have more responsibility

I think it's because it's not their kid and could make the relationship more complex, I'd say it's more avoided by younger men, due to their maturity and perhaps not wanting to raise someone elses kid(especially if they have never had kids and don't know what to do)

Reply 10

shawtyb

Original post by Anonymous

not complex at all, not even in teh slightest as its the mothers job to do the parenting, his just going to be around the kid.
sure it will make things different to a r.ship without kids, its just a different kind of routine

thats kinda hot

Give her a chance

Follow your heart

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Original post by shawtyb

Hmmm but people may think that, not to mention I suppose it depends upon the woman, I had a wonderful stepdad, I still do(they split up for a bit) but he did basically become my father when I was younger and didn't see my dad.

Reply 14

Zarek

Yep, follow your instincts. If it does work out, it's a big plus that the father's not on the scene. Watch 'About a Boy' too. Good luck.

Reply 15

Elivercury

Original post by Anonymous

And did he take on the role of stepdad after the 2nd date or did he wait until the 4th/5th?

Reply 16

stargirl63

Original post by shawtyb

well people tend to avoid single/young mothers, im not sure why, maybe they think were not good enough people compared to those without kids.
were exactly the same, just have more responsibility

I avoid any men with children. I have friends who have children, and that's great, but when you're dating them, there's a whole other ball game.

1. The kid will come first, always.
2. There are things that may require more planning, none of this "let me surprise you with a nice evening out", everything needs to be planned, and then be prepared for things to get cancelled at the last min because the kid is sick or something.
3. There can be issues with exs - you can't simply say you don't want them seeing each other, there will always be the bond of the child.
4. The child was not your choice to have. As someone who is careful to take extra precaution when having sex because I am not ready to be a parent, that is now just...put upon me.
5. Could be an extra expense too e.g. paying for a child ticket to go somewhere etc. Obviously they don't have to pay for the child, but it looks a dick move if you only pay for your date, and expect the date to pay for the child, especially if it's your treat.
6. If you don't gel with the child, that could be a deal breaker in an otherwise perfect relationship

There's a lot more to it than simply being parent-ist.

There are a hell of a lot of other people in the world who are smart, funny etc who I can date, and get along with who don't have children.

Reply 17

Alexion

Original post by Anonymous

...has a 9 month baby...

...he left when she became pregnant so its been a year now since shes been single...

1 year - 9 months... that was one damn short pregnancy :eek:

Reply 18

shawtyb

Original post by stargirl63

wow your cheerful

Reply 19

stargirl63

Original post by shawtyb

wow your cheerful

I just wanted to answer your question when you said you weren't sure why because maybe you're not good enough people.

So I wanted to clarify that it has nothing to do with your good/bad personality. The thing is, when there is a child involved, there's a lot that changes.