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GIRLS!! Boyfriend looks at other women

So I have been with my lovely boyfriend for a few years now, everything is perfect apart from my jealousy problems. He has never cheated, is a very loyal honest guy and does not flirt with any other girls. My problem is this.. when we first got together he did not show any other interest in other females but last year I saw him looking on instagram at a picture of a half naked woman. I was so angry! We had parked by a shop and I offered to run inside and when I came back without intentionally looking at what he was doing, he was on that picture and quickly closed it. Ever since then I am a paranoid state and whenever I leave him when he is on his phone I get anxious and worked up at what he is probably doing. Anyway, a few months after this happening he started following slutty fitness models on instragram who post pictures in their underwear everyday. This got me angry because if he enjoys looking in his own time privately then fair enough but why follow them so that everyone can see and he doesn't miss a single picture they post.

When I confronted him about being angry and hurt by this, he said its natural and every guy does it. We got into an argument and he admitted to looking at other females in public and checking them out which i already knew because he stupidly does it when he is with me. He doesn't make it obvious but I can always tell :unimpressed: We have had so many arguments about him being attracted to other women but he said he is never going to unfollow them because all his other friends with girlfriends do it and their girlfriends don't care. His other argument is that me asking him to do that is me asking him to stop being a man.

On one side of the argument I can see his point, all humans find other humans good looking, even myself (but at least I don't feel the need to follow male models or even acknowledge them). He isn't going to act upon his attraction which i know. But on the other side I am infuriated that he cannot stop himself looking when is with me and I shouldn't feel paranoid that every time I leave the room he is checking out other women.

Anyway, sorry for the massive paragraph:colondollar: What im trying to ask is girls... what would you do if you were me and how would you stop letting it get to you or solve this problem. Thank you very much in advance, all replies are appreciated and I will reply to all of them!

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Reply 1
Avatar for aarora
aarora
18
It's human nature to check somebody out. On numerous occasions I've seen guys who are with their girlfriends look at other girls, the same goes for girls but they tend to be slightly more subtle. Initially he probably wasn't as focused on other girls because you were his new girlfriend, you were in the honeymoon period so to speak. But there's nothing you can do, sometimes people can't help but look at an attractive person. You should only really be worried if he starts treating you badly, seems disinterested in your relationship etc.
Reply 2
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
EDIT: Just another piece of info, I do not have low self esteem or anything like that. I think I am attractive and confident but whether you are confident or not, having your boyfriend looking at other women is annoying and infuriating.
Reply 3
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by aarora
It's human nature to check somebody out. On numerous occasions I've seen guys who are with their girlfriends look at other girls, the same goes for girls but they tend to be slightly more subtle. Initially he probably wasn't as focused on other girls because you were his new girlfriend, you were in the honeymoon period so to speak. But there's nothing you can do, sometimes people can't help but look at an attractive person. You should only really be worried if he starts treating you badly, seems disinterested in your relationship etc.


I totally understand about the honeymoon phase but my problem is, I still feel I am in the honeymoon phase and do not care to look at other men. I mean, I even turned down an invite with my girls to watch the Channing Tatum magic mike XL film because I literally do not even care to look at attractive men. Why can't men be the same ffs
Why shouldn't he? Do you not find other guys hot or do you switch off the telly when male models with little clothing on come on adverts? As long as he doesn't cheat on you which it doesn't sound like he's doing why are so paranoid? You don't stop finding the other sex attractive just because you have a boyfriend or girlfriend
Reply 5
Avatar for Dheorl
Dheorl
17
If I see a pretty building when strolling around I'm going to give it a good look. If I see a nice car I'll turn my head. If I see a quirky tree I'll pay more attention. Why on earth would I or anyone else, not look at an attractive human being?
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by 1998RF
Why shouldn't he? Do you not find other guys hot or do you switch off the telly when male models with little clothing on come on adverts? As long as he doesn't cheat on you which it doesn't sound like he's doing why are so paranoid? You don't stop finding the other sex attractive just because you have a boyfriend or girlfriend



Well I don't go out my way to follow male models and look at their pictures everyday nor do I constantly do it whenever my boyfriend leaves the room :K:
Reply 7
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Dheorl
If I see a pretty building when strolling around I'm going to give it a good look. If I see a nice car I'll turn my head. If I see a quirky tree I'll pay more attention. Why on earth would I or anyone else, not look at an attractive human being?


In my mind there is a difference between looking at an attractive human being and going out your way to constantly do it. Also I think doing it when with your partner is extremely disrespectful, what is your opinion on that?
Despite you repeatedly saying this is not about your insecurities...this is clearly about your insecurities. To quote my married (female) friend when I suggested I shouldn't be looking at any other women now that I'm married "Looking is fine, just no touching".

Really I'm unsure why you're giving the guy a hard time.

That said, it's ultimately your choice to decide you dislike this behaviour, but the solution isn't browbeating him into submission, it is breaking up and finding someone who fits your criteria.
Reply 9
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
Boys will be boys. The inner instinct is to spread those genes.
Original post by Elivercury
Despite you repeatedly saying this is not about your insecurities...this is clearly about your insecurities. To quote my married (female) friend when I suggested I shouldn't be looking at any other women now that I'm married "Looking is fine, just no touching".

Really I'm unsure why you're giving the guy a hard time.

That said, it's ultimately your choice to decide you dislike this behaviour, but the solution isn't browbeating him into submission, it is breaking up and finding someone who fits your criteria.


I don't think it is about insecurities because I know i'm good looking and have a great body (without sounding big headed). I don't feel like he is going to leave me for anyone or anything like that. I just think it's to do with principle and if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't like something then don't do it out of respect, or at least try your hardest not to. Everyone wants to be made to feel like the most important person by their partner and I am sure there are lots of people who feel insignificant when their partners display this type of behaviour.

I do agree with you though about giving him a hard time, I really do love him and think he is a lovely guy. I just wish I wasn't so bothered by this. I have a feeling it is to do with me being not used to it. With my past relationship my old boyfriend was just like me and never showed any interest in other females, no looking in public, no following on social media. He said he didn't care for anyone but me and I believed him because I felt the same way. I guess everyone is just different but it isn't something I would dump him for.
Original post by Anonymous
Well I don't go out my way to follow male models and look at their pictures everyday nor do I constantly do it whenever my boyfriend leaves the room :K:

Maybe you should. See if he feels the same way about it as you do
Original post by Zarek
Boys will be boys. The inner instinct is to spread those genes.


This actually made me laugh :laugh:
Original post by Anonymous
I totally understand about the honeymoon phase but my problem is, I still feel I am in the honeymoon phase and do not care to look at other men. I mean, I even turned down an invite with my girls to watch the Channing Tatum magic mike XL film because I literally do not even care to look at attractive men. Why can't men be the same ffs

And did your friends boyfriends object to them seeing the film?
Original post by 1998RF
Maybe you should. See if he feels the same way about it as you do


Hmm, thinking about it.. maybe you are right. I think I will try this and see how it goes. It will feel weird though because I really do not care to look at naked men or anything but hey ho, if he can do it then so will I :biggrin:
Original post by Anonymous
Hmm, thinking about it.. maybe you are right. I think I will try this and see how it goes. It will feel weird though because I really do not care to look at naked men or anything but hey ho, if he can do it then so will I :biggrin:
I'm not really a fan of the naked body either my friends think I'm strange 😊
Original post by 1998RF
And did your friends boyfriends object to them seeing the film?


Only one of them had a boyfriend at the time and he cheated on her at every chance he could get so whether he said yes or no she wouldn't have cared.

However, when I was asked by my boyfriends mum if I was going to watch it (whilst I was with my boyfriend)... He answered no for me because he didn't want me to go. Which in my opinion is rather hypocritical :laugh::laugh: luckily for him, I did not wish to go anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
Only one of them had a boyfriend at the time and he cheated on her at every chance he could get so whether he said yes or no she wouldn't have cared.

However, when I was asked by my boyfriends mum if I was going to watch it (whilst I was with my boyfriend)... He answered no for me because he didn't want me to go. Which in my opinion is rather hypocritical :laugh::laugh: luckily for him, I did not wish to go anyway.


Actually I'm beginning to see why this is annoying you if he won't let you do the same
Original post by 1998RF
Actually I'm beginning to see why this is annoying you if he won't let you do the same


I don't even want to do the same but he doesn't like the thought of me doing it which I can tell from little things like that film, very very annoying and if I can go without doing it then why can't he :s-smilie:
Reply 19
Avatar for Kikina42
Kikina42
To be honest, I may be the most jealous chick there is, but when it comes to checking people out, my boyfriend makes sure to tell me so we'd both enjoy the view :biggrin:
(edited 7 years ago)

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