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Muslim girl who wants to stay at uni

I am a girl and I want to stay at uni but due to culture my Pakistani family won't allow me.
I've told them so many times that I won't do anything haram.
What can I do about this?
My mum has trust issues with me because I hid my phone from her once, but I wasn't doing anything wrong it was just personal.

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Wtf you are at least 18. An adult. DO what you want.
Reply 2
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by loveleest
Wtf you are at least 18. An adult. DO what you want.


I know but I don't want my mum to be unhappy with me
Reply 3
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BH1234
3
Literally what I was about to say! Make your own decisions uni is a time to be independent and free from things like this!
Ngl, there is nothing you can do, I think they have to evidence income for your maintenence loan for you to live there so you can't do it covertly.

You can try and convince them but if they get annoyed that you're hiding your phone, nah actually the fact you have to hide your phone at 18, says it all about how controlling they are.

Asian "culture" smh, it's actually impressively backwards.
I would say stay at home and commute. If you feel that your parents won't agree then that's the best choice. Then try to aim for a Muslim girl house for second year and your parents may feel more comfortable like that.

I've seen both Muslim boys and girls commute, it's not the end of the world if you do commute :dontknow:

I imagine the average tsrian will tell you to run away from home, renounce your faith, call your parents backwards and stick a general finger up at them. I would ignore that type of advice or anything which hints towards that.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I know but I don't want my mum to be unhappy with me


Aww poor Mummy. Rebel and tell her you are an adult and you will do whatever you want. You are not a baby anymore, you make grown up decisions yourself.
Reply 7
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Calmness
1
Hey, I'm pretty sure that the whole point of University is to be Independent.


It kinda defeats the whole purpose of sending you to University if your parents still dictate everything to you
Original post by Anonymous
I am a girl and I want to stay at uni but due to culture my Pakistani family won't allow me.
I've told them so many times that I won't do anything haram.
What can I do about this?
My mum has trust issues with me because I hid my phone from her once, but I wasn't doing anything wrong it was just personal.


This is such rubbish lol- it's not 'tradition' - I'm a muslim pakistani girl and my parents WANT me to go to uni and most of my friends who are muslim and girls- they're parents WANT them to go to uni. Don't blame it on religion and stop stereotyping. Our culture isn't as mysoginistic as you are making it out to be- probably just your parents. Surely also you should sort it out with them- what are a bunch of people who don't know you or your parents going to do to help. Stupid.


turn on them. rebel. release the anger.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by somemightsay888
Ngl, there is nothing you can do, I think they have to evidence income for your maintenence loan for you to live there so you can't do it covertly.

You can try and convince them but if they get annoyed that you're hiding your phone, nah actually the fact you have to hide your phone at 18, says it all about how controlling they are.

Asian "culture" smh, it's actually impressively backwards.


No it's not 'backwards' at all- get your facts right. Just cause this girl is having problems doesn't mean every muslim and pakistani girl is. Grow up and stop being so judgmental
Reply 11
Avatar for HAnwar
HAnwar
17
Original post by Anonymous
I know but I don't want my mum to be unhappy with me


Then listen to her and respect her choice.
It is easy to get caught up in a lot of haram there.

I commute and I'm doing just fine. Made great friends Alhamdulilah, it's not such a big deal.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by nerdygeek101
This is such rubbish lol- it's not 'tradition' - I'm a muslim pakistani girl and my parents WANT me to go to uni and most of my friends who are muslim and girls- they're parents WANT them to go to uni. Don't blame it on religion and stop stereotyping. Our culture isn't as mysoginistic as you are making it out to be- probably just your parents. Surely also you should sort it out with them- what are a bunch of people who don't know you or your parents going to do to help. Stupid.




Exactly, I know plenty of pakistani girls in fact in My current Unit, there was this SAUDI ARABIAN girl, that parties more than me.


I think it's not a cultural thing, her parents are just quite strict.
Original post by Anonymous
I am a girl and I want to stay at uni but due to culture my Pakistani family won't allow me.
I've told them so many times that I won't do anything haram.
What can I do about this?
My mum has trust issues with me because I hid my phone from her once, but I wasn't doing anything wrong it was just personal.


I get what you mean and people will be like "you're 18 do what you want you're an adult now" but the reality is that you probably wont be allowed- my sister wasnt allowed either
You can try and regain their trust, be on their good side, prove to them that you're able to live by yourself since loads of other muslim girls do too

Good luck :h:
Original post by nerdygeek101
This is such rubbish lol- it's not 'tradition' - I'm a muslim pakistani girl and my parents WANT me to go to uni and most of my friends who are muslim and girls- they're parents WANT them to go to uni. Don't blame it on religion and stop stereotyping. Our culture isn't as mysoginistic as you are making it out to be- probably just your parents. Surely also you should sort it out with them- what are a bunch of people who don't know you or your parents going to do to help. Stupid.


Harsh for a few reasons.

OP is in a difficult situation where you can't apply logic or really win or get out of it.

You're one of the luckier ones that have okay parents. She is not, and is most likely looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.

Okay, stereotyping is wrong but I don't think that is what the OP is trying to do.

It is sad that people have to live like this in the 21st century, but a teenager who doesn't know of a life differen to that will feel very restricted and lost and helpless, so I think it's worth seeking advice. A shame it can often be difficult to do due to 'culture' and communities and religion and all of that stuff.
Original post by nerdygeek101
No it's not 'backwards' at all- get your facts right. Just cause this girl is having problems doesn't mean every muslim and pakistani girl is. Grow up and stop being so judgmental


Where did I mention her religion though? Where did I say Muslim culture is backwards?

Get over yourself it's always Asian girls having these problems and making threads like this not white, East Asian, European whatever other ethnicity. Ignorance smh.
Original post by HAnwar
Then listen to her and respect her choice.
It is easy to get caught up in a lot of haram there.

I commute and I'm doing just fine. Made great friends Alhamdulilah, it's not such a big deal.

Posted from TSR Mobile


I am sure that it is very easy not to get caught up in haram stuff as well, especially if you can apply for single sex accommodation.

I can't imagine life where you're controlled by parents, even at university, and to have very little freedom to be a fun one. Although it seems to be a situation where you just can't win, I think suggesting to take it lying down is a very insensitive response and part of the problem that people face in religious communities.
Original post by Seleukidai
I would say stay at home and commute. If you feel that your parents won't agree thhen that's the best choice. Then try to aim for a Muslim girl house for second year and your parents may feel more comfortable like that.

I've seen both Muslim boys and girls commute, it's not the end of the world if you do commute :dontknow:

I imagine the average tsrian will tell you to run away from home, renounce your faith, call your parents backwards and stick a general finger up at them. I would ignore that type of advice or anything which hints towards that.


How would I find a Muslim
Girl house??

The thing is for my course as well there are no good unis close by, the ones that are good have ridiculously high grades which I won't get, so if I move I'll get more choice
Original post by SeanFM
I am sure that it is very easy not to get caught up in haram stuff as well, especially if you can apply for single sex accommodation.

I can't imagine life where you're controlled by parents, even at university, and to have very little freedom to be a fun one. Although it seems to be a situation where you just can't win, I think suggesting to take it lying down is a very insensitive response and part of the problem that people face in religious communities.


Yeah, but I think it might be hard for me to get single sex accommodation now cause I'll have to go to clearing if I want to stay away at a uni that I haven't applied to. Also a lot of unis I think don't have single sex accommodation
Reply 19
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drogon
2
Original post by HAnwar
Then listen to her and respect her choice.
It is easy to get caught up in a lot of haram there.

I commute and I'm doing just fine. Made great friends Alhamdulilah, it's not such a big deal.

Posted from TSR Mobile


What do you mean respect her choice? She doesn't trust her daughter and is depriving her of further education. I don't think that choice deserves even the slightest of respect.

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