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Muslim girl who wants to stay at uni

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Original post by JAFF2400
People here blaming Islam like it says in the Quran "Dear parents, please don't let your child go university"




What?

Who blamed Islam here? Why do some people intentionally do things like this?
Original post by Calmness
Yes and I also know a lot of graduates who know next to nothing about their degree and either switch courses for a masters or go into hard labour. Not everyone who goes to university is doing it for the perks of being a graduate.

£9,000 a year is very expensive fun :hat2:
Original post by IFoundWonderland
£9,000 a year is very expensive fun :hat2:




Tell me about it.
Original post by Calmness
Exactly, I know plenty of pakistani girls in fact in My current Unit, there was this SAUDI ARABIAN girl, that parties more than me.


I think it's not a cultural thing, her parents are just quite strict.


Yeah exactly. It's just so annoying because throughout studentroom there's people that have no knowledge about Islam or 'asian tradition' acting as if they know it all, and people like OP aren't helping. I mean yeah her parents are strict, but does she have to mention being MUSLIM and being PAKISTANI- because as I said, my parents have no problem, its not a generalised thing so people need to stop promoting the view that it is!
Original post by IFoundWonderland

Surely those who are comfortable in their religion can avoid the temptation of 'haram'? Whilst she is bound to conform to her parents' choices, she does not need to respect the fact that they're attempting to oppress her autonomy.


It's pretty much just trust issues with OP and her mother. We can't immediately jump to the conclusion that she's a good girl, always listens to mummy, never does anything out of order etc. If her parents have their reasons in fearing she's not capable of staying away from certain things which can result in many future problems for herself, then I don't think we should hold them accountable for being irrational or "too strict".
Try and talk to your mum about what her reservations are and why. Then talk together about how to overcome it. Try and compromise.
Original post by champ_mc99
It's pretty much just trust issues with OP and her mother. We can't immediately jump to the conclusion that she's a good girl, always listens to mummy, never does anything out of order etc. If her parents have their reasons in fearing she's not capable of staying away from certain things which can result in many future problems for herself, then I don't think we should hold them accountable for being irrational or "too strict".

If they haven't taught her well by the age of eighteen, they'll never be able to drill it in. There comes a point where your child is no longer a child and you must realise that they're a real human being who should begin to take responsibility for themselves through the ability to make the right decisions. You learn best from your own mistakes. I did not say it was irrational or too strict. She isn't a child; being strict doesn't come into it and I'm sure they can attempt to rationalise their viewpoint. I said it was a form of oppressing her autonomy as an individual.
Just tell them its happening and they cant change the fact. Thats what I did and have somehow even managed to get my dad to agree to pay my first years rent even if i stay in London (where we live)! It was a long trek but i started early around 14 years old letting them get used to the idea that I will be moving out for uni, my mum is still more resistant than my dad but shes accepted that theres nothing she can do, she still tries to convince me to stay. Your mum will probably be the same, she is your mum after all and they worry too much especially raising your kids in a different country where these things will be new, but just firmly say that its happening, she wont be disappointed or angry or upset as you fear, just a little sad that her baby is going and then she will accept it. If you dont make such a big deal out of it and if you dont let them see how much power and control they have over you, it'll be a lot easier. How old are you btw? Talk through it carefully explain why its the best option, eg no disturbances to your studies, you will gain confidence and be able to make them proud, that the university is one of the top so you cant turn down the opportunity etc, positive terms and they will realise that they will only be hurting you and your education and career if they hold you back. Good luck and make lots of dua at iftar time its always accepted iA xxx
Original post by Anonymous
I am a girl and I want to stay at uni but due to culture my Pakistani family won't allow me.
I've told them so many times that I won't do anything haram.
What can I do about this?
My mum has trust issues with me because I hid my phone from her once, but I wasn't doing anything wrong it was just personal.


Alot of muslims i knoe move out if tou want to tell your parents. Whta are there reservations can you both talk about it ? Alot of aisan parents are probably just worried.
There are two types of asains at uni ones who study and the ones who go all out and date and go a lil bit cray cray or over the top

They may worry you might turn into that type of course its sterotypical

Out of general question and curiousity lol what you planning to study op im off to uni in sept too although ill be living at home
Original post by IFoundWonderland
If they haven't taught her well by the age of eighteen, they'll never be able to drill it in. There comes a point where your child is no longer a child and you must realise that they're a real human being who should begin to take responsibility for themselves through the ability to make the right decisions. You learn best from your own mistakes. I did not say it was irrational or too strict. She isn't a child; being strict doesn't come into it and I'm sure they can attempt to rationalise their viewpoint. I said it was a form of oppressing her autonomy as an individual.


Fair enough. Though again, it depends on the OP and her character, as well as how big these potential 'mistakes' are whilst taking racial/religious perspective into consideration. Say worst comes to worst and she ends up taking drugs and before you know it she's addicted. This will pretty much haunt her for a long time and have a much bigger impact on her parents than herself. Obviously when religious comes in, she might commit to many other acts that can tarnish herself and may not be so easy to brush off with "mistakes happen". She can still be independent and learn how to take responsibility when still at home.

Hence, the potential benefits of "being free" may not be enough to outweigh the risks. I think she should definitely talk to her parents properly rather than suddenly become rebellious and have the drive to hate them like there's no tomorrow like the other posters seem to imply.
Original post by SeanFM
Harsh for a few reasons.

OP is in a difficult situation where you can't apply logic or really win or get out of it.

You're one of the luckier ones that have okay parents. She is not, and is most likely looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.

Okay, stereotyping is wrong but I don't think that is what the OP is trying to do.

It is sad that people have to live like this in the 21st century, but a teenager who doesn't know of a life differen to that will feel very restricted and lost and helpless, so I think it's worth seeking advice. A shame it can often be difficult to do due to 'culture' and communities and religion and all of that stuff.


PROSM
Original post by SeanFM
Harsh for a few reasons.

OP is in a difficult situation where you can't apply logic or really win or get out of it.

You're one of the luckier ones that have okay parents. She is not, and is most likely looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.

Okay, stereotyping is wrong but I don't think that is what the OP is trying to do.

It is sad that people have to live like this in the 21st century, but a teenager who doesn't know of a life differen to that will feel very restricted and lost and helpless, so I think it's worth seeking advice. A shame it can often be difficult to do due to 'culture' and communities and religion and all of that stuff.


I'm not denying the fact that OP is in a tricky situation at all. I understand her parents don't want her to go, but thing is by linking being a muslim and by linking pakistani culture to this is giving the wrong view to most people. Yes it's harsh but what is harsher is what other people post on TSR about Muslims and the fact OP is linking her situation to being Muslim is making it seem as if our culture is backward and that girls aren't allowed to do anything. If people are allowed to post views about other religions in a harsh manner, surely it's not a crime for me to defend mine in a likewise manner, as I'm not attacking another religion or lifestyle.
Original post by Anonymous
I am a girl and I want to stay at uni but due to culture my Pakistani family won't allow me.
I've told them so many times that I won't do anything haram.
What can I do about this?
My mum has trust issues with me because I hid my phone from her once, but I wasn't doing anything wrong it was just personal.


I'm sure it's not about trust issues, just probably being over-protective. A lot of people have told me about this problem.
Original post by HAnwar
Then listen to her and respect her choice.
It is easy to get caught up in a lot of haram there.

I commute and I'm doing just fine. Made great friends Alhamdulilah, it's not such a big deal.

Posted from TSR Mobile


How did you make friends if your not staying at uni/ was it difficult?
Original post by loveleest
Wtf you are at least 18. An adult. DO what you want.


- White people proverb.
Reply 55
Avatar for HAnwar
HAnwar
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Original post by Emilycunningham
How did you make friends if your not staying at uni/ was it difficult?


Hey

Nope it wasn't.
First day of freshers I approached one of my class mates and asked her if she wanted to look around the stalls and stuff. We automatically clicked and just spent the rest of the day together.

The next couple of weeks we met a few more friends and formed a WhatsApp group and that's how we got to know each other :smile:

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by somemightsay888


Asian "culture" smh, it's actually impressively backwards.


Lmao, so ignorant and uncultured.

What is going forwards to you? Getting kicked out at 16 and ending up on the Jeremy Kyle show with a heroin addition and a tattoo on your forehead?

Asian parents interfere to stop their kids from ****ing up their lives. They're generally more protective over their kids because they support them until they leave home for marriage. That includes paying for Uni fees and such in most cases.
Original post by Anonymous
Lmao, so ignorant and uncultured.

What is going forwards to you? Getting kicked out at 16 and ending up on the Jeremy Kyle show with a heroin addition and a tattoo on your forehead?

Asian parents interfere to stop their kids from ****ing up their lives. They're generally more protective over their kids because they support them until they leave home for marriage. That includes paying for Uni fees and such in most cases.


I'm Asian myself you stupid nutter, I think I've experienced a lot more than you have lmao, I've had friends in exactly the same position as OP, I don't think you can say the same.

Staying in Uni accommodation has NO relation to any of what you've just said :rolleyes: OP is 18 not 16, this isn't "overprotective", having to hide a petty phone at 18 is downright controlling, but you keep being a good little freshie believe the shite you're saying :h:
Original post by somemightsay888
I'm Asian myself you stupid nutter, I think I've experienced a lot more than you have lmao, I've had friends in exactly the same position as OP, I don't think you can say the same.

Staying in Uni accommodation has NO relation to any of what you've just said :rolleyes: OP is 18 not 16, this isn't "overprotective", having to hide a petty phone at 18 is downright controlling, but you keep being a good little freshie believe the shite you're saying :h:


ignur da h8rs beta v al no hu iz r8 :yes:
Original post by undercxver
ignur da h8rs beta v al no hu iz r8 :yes:


ty freshie :tongue:

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