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Is confidence gained?

I could make this a lot more descriptive, but I have coursework due tomorrow :frown:

I'm a shy guy in love with a shy girl, who is almost definitely interested in me. We look at each-other a lot. However this is all that happens, nothing more, and I really want to know this girl. The summer holiday is approaching too fast and I have to talk to her by then.

I know exactly what I need to do, but I really do lack self-confidence, is there a quick way to achieve confidence?

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Original post by Anonymous
I could make this a lot more descriptive, but I have coursework due tomorrow :frown:

I'm a shy guy in love with a shy girl, who is almost definitely interested in me. We look at each-other a lot. However this is all that happens, nothing more, and I really want to know this girl. The summer holiday is approaching too fast and I have to talk to her by then.

I know exactly what I need to do, but I really do lack self-confidence, is there a quick way to achieve confidence?


My way was to "**** life and just give no ****s for anything anymore" that way all shame is reduced to a minimum and rejection doesn't really matter because you couldn't give a **** either way.

That's a dangerous method but i'm like that now...

hopefully someone else can give you a better alternative
fake it, the easiest way to have confidence is to just stop caring what people think but that's easier said than done, if you act like you don't care and just do what you want to do and force yourself to hold your head high and get on with it it will start to feel a little more natural
You really do have to fake it until you make it. Gas yourself up in your head to be this super confident dude who gives no ****s and just get up and talk to her. Honestly dude think about how much you'll regret it one day down the line when you're confident and you'll think back "damn, if only i gained my confidence a little bit earlier and talked to her" but it's too late and she's already slipped away.
Dont listen to any of these guys. Confidence cannot be faked or you will fall flat on your face. You really have to ask yourself.... if you cannot simply appraoch the girl how will you maintain a relationship with her if you're scared to approach her? So faking it wont do anything because it isnt over after you ask her out, you have to maintain a relationship. Being confidence is a mindset. Ask yourself why you are unconfident/care about other's opinion... then come back here and reply.

Original post by doodle_333
fake it, the easiest way to have confidence is to just stop caring what people think but that's easier said than done, if you act like you don't care and just do what you want to do and force yourself to hold your head high and get on with it it will start to feel a little more natural


Dont listen to the guy above
Reply 5
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Original post by Anonymous
Dont listen to any of these guys. Confidence cannot be faked or you will fall flat on your face. You really have to ask yourself.... if you cannot simply appraoch the girl how will you maintain a relationship with her if you're scared to approach her? So faking it wont do anything because it isnt over after you ask her out, you have to maintain a relationship. Being confidence is a mindset. Ask yourself why you are unconfident/care about other's opinion... then come back here and reply.



Dont listen to the guy above


But, the main reason I care about her opinion is fear of rejection (even though I am almost certain she likes me).

I think their advice is pretty good actually, and I'm sure I'd become more comfortable around her once I am in the relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
Dont listen to any of these guys. Confidence cannot be faked or you will fall flat on your face. You really have to ask yourself.... if you cannot simply appraoch the girl how will you maintain a relationship with her if you're scared to approach her? So faking it wont do anything because it isnt over after you ask her out, you have to maintain a relationship. Being confidence is a mindset. Ask yourself why you are unconfident/care about other's opinion... then come back here and reply.



Dont listen to the guy above


Completely agree. Be yourself as faking it may seem okay to start but you would need to keep faking it to appear as you first came across to her. Plus I think that since she is shy too, then she may be put off by your sudden confidence, idk.

Good luck anyway.
Reply 7
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ETRC
17
I can guarantee you 100% she will not reject you. If she is as shy as you, it will be fine but quite awkward at the start if you do get into a relationship. And yeah, you do gain confidence as you get older.
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Original post by Mattinfenwa
Completely agree. Be yourself as faking it may seem okay to start but you would need to keep faking it to appear as you first came across to her. Plus I think that since she is shy too, then she may be put off by your sudden confidence, idk.

Good luck anyway.


Huh, I guess I see where you're coming from.
So you think I shouldn't hide my nervousness from her? Perhaps she would take it as a good thing - that she is worth being nervous about.

Side note: We talked briefly once, before I knew she had feelings for me (and before I knew I had feelings for her) and I think my confidence seemed overwhelming.
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Original post by ETRC
I can guarantee you 100% she will not reject you. If she is as shy as you, it will be fine but quite awkward at the start if you do get into a relationship. And yeah, you do gain confidence as you get older.


100% you say? I appreciate your optimism:biggrin:

Neither of us is shy around other people, it just seems like we are shy around each-other.
Original post by Anonymous
100% you say? I appreciate your optimism:biggrin:

Neither of us is shy around other people, it just seems like we are shy around each-other.


Honestly mate, don't worry about it. Give it a go, it's now or pretty much never since the hols are coming up. You'll regret it otherwise.
Original post by Anonymous
But, the main reason I care about her opinion is fear of rejection (even though I am almost certain she likes me).

I think their advice is pretty good actually, and I'm sure I'd become more comfortable around her once I am in the relationship.


You need to understand its a problem and fix it right away. If you leave it for later it will never get fixed. And fake confidence isnt even close to the real thing. If you arent confident if will be 10x harder to be comfortable around her because you arent comfortable with yourself in the first place. Also why are you scared of rejection. The worst thing that will happen is you wont get the girl but the way you are doing things now you dont have any chance if you dont talk to her. My main advice is you get confident first before you talk to her or I guarantee you it wont work out in the short run or long run.
Original post by Anonymous


I'm a shy guy in love with a shy girl


You are not in love. You are most likely yet to know what that actually means. I do not mean to come across as patronising, but one day you will know what that actually means. I'm telling you this because I made the same mistake myself the first time, and feel like an utter pillock.

Anyway - I'm fairly shy as well, and I too had to approach a shy girl before 6th form ended. The first few conversations were difficult, but you really just have to bite the bullet, get talking, get her number, and I promise that the confidence will grow over time and you'll feel more at ease with her.
Original post by Anonymous
I could make this a lot more descriptive, but I have coursework due tomorrow :frown:

I'm a shy guy in love with a shy girl, who is almost definitely interested in me. We look at each-other a lot. However this is all that happens, nothing more, and I really want to know this girl. The summer holiday is approaching too fast and I have to talk to her by then.

I know exactly what I need to do, but I really do lack self-confidence, is there a quick way to achieve confidence?


Not really, fake it until you make it. Confidence only comes from pushing yourself outside your comfort zone.
Game plan so far (correct me if it could be improved):

1. Wait for one more sign to confirm she likes me.
2. Start having brief, yet awkward conversations.3. Get her phone number?4. Get closer to her until we become a couple.


Or I could simply do this:
1.Wait for one more sign to confirm she likes me.
2. Awkwardly ask if she likes me, tell her I like her.
3. Date and become a couple.
No. Confidence is a mindset. It comes from within not from the outside. What you are talking about is reassurance. If you push outside your comfort zone you will get reassurance in yourself which doesnt quite equate to confidence. Also, faking it doesnt solve anything does it. Who is he faking it to? The problem here is he doesnt believe in himself not whether he will get the girl or not (faking it doesnt get girls anyways)
Original post by Anonymous
Game plan so far (correct me if it could be improved):

1. Wait for one more sign to confirm she likes me.
2. Start having brief, yet awkward conversations.3. Get her phone number?4. Get closer to her until we become a couple.


Or I could simply do this:
1.Wait for one more sign to confirm she likes me.
2. Awkwardly ask if she likes me, tell her I like her.
3. Date and become a couple.


Awkward? Again you are showing how unconfident you are in which case it wont work! You need to believe in yourself that what you are doing will actually work regardless of whether she shows signs or not which she already has so theres no point waiting.
Original post by Anonymous
No. Confidence is a mindset. It comes from within not from the outside. What you are talking about is reassurance. If you push outside your comfort zone you will get reassurance in yourself which doesnt quite equate to confidence. Also, faking it doesnt solve anything does it. Who is he faking it to? The problem here is he doesnt believe in himself not whether he will get the girl or not (faking it doesnt get girls anyways)


Who are you to tell me what my own experiences have done for me? My confidence has personally been built up the most by pushing myself, not from some self help-esque psychobabble about a mindset
Well reassurance can eventually build into confidence but thats really a long and slow process and you will face many doubts while getting there. Also thats not true confidence. Thats just enough self reassurance for you to stop being shy.
Original post by Anonymous
Well reassurance can eventually build into confidence but thats really a long and slow process and you will face many doubts while getting there. Also thats not true confidence. Thats just enough self reassurance for you to stop being shy.


Considering how happy I am with myself it's fair to say I possess this 'true confidence'

I don't need some stranger on anon telling me what I am and what I am not, thank you very much. I am the expert on myself, after all :h:

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