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Strange boy very keen - HELP!

A boy I "met" on the Facebook applicants group for a certain university has been Facebook messaging me. He seems nice and normal except, well, we don't know each other and yet he keeps suggesting that we meet up. Whatever I say, he will twist it into an idea for a date. I would understand him wanting to meet if we had been talking for weeks but it's only been a few days and he had begun to do this within minutes. I have never met up with anyone who I met online and I'm an extremely shy person in "real life". I've also never been on a date, despite being 18. So, the thought of meeting him is terrifying. What should I do?
This sounds kinda weird. I met my ex in a kind of similar situation and when he spoke about the possibility of meeting in the future after about a day, I was just kinda like 'woah there'. He was actually way too keen and things only started working for us once he chilled out a bit. If you want to meet him, make sure he knows it's a big deal for you and of course make sure you do it safely in a public space etc. If you don't want to meet him, don't. If you feel uncomfortable with it and you don't know, leave it a while. He should understand that if he's half decent. It's not like you've been an item for a year and you're refusing to meet him face to face.
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Original post by chelseadagg3r
This sounds kinda weird. I met my ex in a kind of similar situation and when he spoke about the possibility of meeting in the future after about a day, I was just kinda like 'woah there'. He was actually way too keen and things only started working for us once he chilled out a bit. If you want to meet him, make sure he knows it's a big deal for you and of course make sure you do it safely in a public space etc. If you don't want to meet him, don't. If you feel uncomfortable with it and you don't know, leave it a while. He should understand that if he's half decent. It's not like you've been an item for a year and you're refusing to meet him face to face.

Thanks. I figure I might just tell him how I feel and see what he says. If he stops talking to me then I guess I don't need someone like that in my life. The only thing making me hesitate from doing that is the fact it would be very awkward if we ended up going to the same uni (his firm is my insurance). I wouldn't like to have made an enemy before even starting!
Original post by Platopus
Thanks. I figure I might just tell him how I feel and see what he says. If he stops talking to me then I guess I don't need someone like that in my life. The only thing making me hesitate from doing that is the fact it would be very awkward if we ended up going to the same uni (his firm is my insurance). I wouldn't like to have made an enemy before even starting!


Haha I wouldn't worry about running into him later. Actually, that's a lie. I'd definitely worry about that, but I'd worry about it for no reason :tongue: Unless you'd be doing exactly the same classes then you'd be unlikely to meet awkwardly, and even then everyone's an adult so I'm sure it'd go by smoothly. There's still months until you'd be starting, so I'm sure he'd have gotten over it by then!
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Original post by chelseadagg3r
Haha I wouldn't worry about running into him later. Actually, that's a lie. I'd definitely worry about that, but I'd worry about it for no reason :tongue: Unless you'd be doing exactly the same classes then you'd be unlikely to meet awkwardly, and even then everyone's an adult so I'm sure it'd go by smoothly. There's still months until you'd be starting, so I'm sure he'd have gotten over it by then!

Ah. Thing there is that the uni I'm talking about is Durham. And he and I would both be in the same college. Which is the second smallest college. So if we did both go, the chances of meeting would be very very high. Which would be very very awkward. But as I say, he seems nice. He probably just doesn't expect me to be so cripplingly shy :frown:
Honestly, from what I've gathered, the people who do message me first from the uni applicants page are very very weird. :lol:

I think you should just keep telling the guy that you'll see him in freshers if you do go to uni, you're not obliged to meet him beforehand just because you'll be in the same place in 3 months time.
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Original post by thecatwithnohat
Honestly, from what I've gathered, the people who do message me first from the uni applicants page are very very weird. :lol:

I think you should just keep telling the guy that you'll see him in freshers if you do go to uni, you're not obliged to meet him beforehand just because you'll be in the same place in 3 months time.

Thank you! I do feel bad though because I think I have (unintentionally) led him on because I might say "I like the film X" and he would reply with things like "oh we could watch X together". And I would be like "yeah that sounds cool" because I didn't think he meant it literally but the next thing I know he's trying to arrange a date for me to come to his house and watch Netflix with him! Is this my fault?
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Platopus
Thank you! I do feel bad though because I think I have (unintentionally) led him on because I might say "I like the film X" and he would reply with things like "oh we could watch X together". And I would be like "yeah that sounds cool" because I didn't think he meant it literally but the next thing I know he's trying to arrange a date for me to come to his house and watch Netflix with him! Is this my fault?


Sorry for the super late reply. Hahah I don't blame you, that's something I'd respond too if someone suggested and then you're like 'woah, woah, woah' I said in the future not near future i.e. tomorrow :rofl:

Whatever you do, don't go his house for a 'movie watching session' good Lord.
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Original post by thecatwithnohat
Sorry for the super late reply. Hahah I don't blame you, that's something I'd respond too if someone suggested and then you're like 'woah, woah, woah' I said in the future not near future i.e. tomorrow :rofl:

Whatever you do, don't go his house for a 'movie watching session' good Lord.

No worries, thanks very much. I worried that I was being really uptight or something. Oh dear, I wish I'd never replied at all :frown:
Original post by Platopus
Ah. Thing there is that the uni I'm talking about is Durham. And he and I would both be in the same college. Which is the second smallest college. So if we did both go, the chances of meeting would be very very high. Which would be very very awkward. But as I say, he seems nice. He probably just doesn't expect me to be so cripplingly shy :frown:


My bad for not replying earlier. My memory is all over the place at the moment :tongue: You could try using that to your advantage. Just a 'Oh, sorry, busy over the summer. I'll probably see you at uni though!'. It'd work as a gentle way out if you needed it
Original post by Platopus
A boy I "met" on the Facebook applicants group for a certain university has been Facebook messaging me. He seems nice and normal except, well, we don't know each other and yet he keeps suggesting that we meet up. Whatever I say, he will twist it into an idea for a date. I would understand him wanting to meet if we had been talking for weeks but it's only been a few days and he had begun to do this within minutes. I have never met up with anyone who I met online and I'm an extremely shy person in "real life". I've also never been on a date, despite being 18. So, the thought of meeting him is terrifying. What should I do?


He sounds like bad news, to be honest.

If you ever feel uncomfortable, just shut him down or ask him to leave you alone. Okay, you may or may not have led him on (just slightly) but that's in the past.
Original post by Platopus
A boy I "met" on the Facebook applicants group for a certain university has been Facebook messaging me. He seems nice and normal except, well, we don't know each other and yet he keeps suggesting that we meet up. Whatever I say, he will twist it into an idea for a date. I would understand him wanting to meet if we had been talking for weeks but it's only been a few days and he had begun to do this within minutes. I have never met up with anyone who I met online and I'm an extremely shy person in "real life". I've also never been on a date, despite being 18. So, the thought of meeting him is terrifying. What should I do?


That's cringey af

Are you actually interested in this guy or do you just want to loose your 'date virginity' so to speak?
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Original post by chelseadagg3r
My bad for not replying earlier. My memory is all over the place at the moment :tongue: You could try using that to your advantage. Just a 'Oh, sorry, busy over the summer. I'll probably see you at uni though!'. It'd work as a gentle way out if you needed it


Original post by SeanFM
He sounds like bad news, to be honest.

If you ever feel uncomfortable, just shut him down or ask him to leave you alone. Okay, you may or may not have led him on (just slightly) but that's in the past.


Thanks, both of you! I stopped the conversation by saying that I had to go and he hasn't messaged me in two days now, so I think he might get that he was coming on too strong. Hopefully, anyway.
Reply 13
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No, I just replied to his messages because I thought he was being friendly and I didn't want to offend someone that there is a very high possibility of spending 3 years with. I don't want to lose my "date virginity" whatever that is and I certainly don't want to meet some stranger off the internet.
Original post by Platopus
No, I just replied to his messages because I thought he was being friendly and I didn't want to offend someone that there is a very high possibility of spending 3 years with. I don't want to lose my "date virginity" whatever that is and I certainly don't want to meet some stranger off the internet.


You are leading him on by continuing to talk to him. Stop talking to him unless you're interested.
As others have said, if you've no interest in speaking to him, just stop speaking to him.

If you are happy speaking to him, tell him you're busy and you'll see him at freshers.

You've no obligation to speak to the guy, let alone meet him, just because he found you on facebook.
Original post by Platopus
A boy I "met" on the Facebook applicants group for a certain university has been Facebook messaging me. He seems nice and normal except, well, we don't know each other and yet he keeps suggesting that we meet up. Whatever I say, he will twist it into an idea for a date. I would understand him wanting to meet if we had been talking for weeks but it's only been a few days and he had begun to do this within minutes. I have never met up with anyone who I met online and I'm an extremely shy person in "real life". I've also never been on a date, despite being 18. So, the thought of meeting him is terrifying. What should I do?


Dont be terrified, they are just on the end of the internet and he doesnt know where you live.

Never do anything that you dont want to or makes you feel uncomfortable.

Its perfectly fine to tell him you prefer to get to know people a lot better before thinking about meeting people as a number of your friends have had bad experiences or that you just arent keen on the idea at the moment.

See how he responds. If its bad then dump him.
If he ridicules or otherwise doesnt respect your opinion then dump him.

If he pressures you and pester, then dump him.

If you find you dont like him or he is boring, then dump him.

Getting the idea?
Reply 17
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Original post by Elivercury
As others have said, if you've no interest in speaking to him, just stop speaking to him.

If you are happy speaking to him, tell him you're busy and you'll see him at freshers.

You've no obligation to speak to the guy, let alone meet him, just because he found you on facebook.


Original post by AngryRedhead
You are leading him on by continuing to talk to him. Stop talking to him unless you're interested.


Ok, I apologise. I have certainly never said anything to indicate that I was interested in that way. I simply thought it was polite to reply to messages. Thanks for replying, anyway.
Reply 18
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Original post by 999tigger
Dont be terrified, they are just on the end of the internet and he doesnt know where you live.

Never do anything that you dont want to or makes you feel uncomfortable.

Its perfectly fine to tell him you prefer to get to know people a lot better before thinking about meeting people as a number of your friends have had bad experiences or that you just arent keen on the idea at the moment.

See how he responds. If its bad then dump him.
If he ridicules or otherwise doesnt respect your opinion then dump him.

If he pressures you and pester, then dump him.

If you find you dont like him or he is boring, then dump him.

Getting the idea?


Thank you, that's very kind. We're not close enough for it to really be a "dumping" situation which is one of the reasons I'm weirded out. But I take your point.

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