My response to writing to argue

no they don't

its all about supply and demand, people are willinging to pay alot for football, so are the football clubs for the players

Can you check if my writing to argue piece is okay?can u give a grade and how to improve. Have english exam tmo.

I could try if you want
Do you want to do private message or just do it here?

Question: Do footballers get paid too much?
It is clear that footballers earn excessively too much -to earn over £100,000 (per year?) is completely insane and outrageous. How can we live in a society where half the world is suffering from poverty, but one person has enough money to feed a whole country?
Visualise this, Gemma is a hardworking, skillful and smart-witted junior doctor, she brings positive outcomes to our country: saving lives everyday and enhancing individuals health problems (this last part would perhaps be better phrased as 'improving the health of numerous individuals' or something along those lines). She works from 8pm to 10am, she is a singe mother to a 10 month baby, how can she not see her precious baby every night? Who will care for her? Well she has to come up with a solution, because she needs to work to feed her baby, and earning only £800 a week is shockingly less than a footballer. What does a footballer do, please remind me? Kicking a ball around a field for 90mins? Wow. How is that helping anybody? And they earn £100,000 a week, now that is staggering.
In contrary, the typical football fan may say "I've never missed a match in my life, I idolise Ronaldo, he deserves that £100,000, he has skills!". But what about a doctor? Don't think about wthat do you, remember next time you're in pain, who is helping you, is it Ronaldo?
(Im not finished so yeahhh can u grade this and tell me how to improve please)