I have just done the most terrible thing

I was going to open with four key words, but I'd like to get some background sorted first. I'm 18, hoping to go to uni, currently being diagnosed because of hallucinations, wating on a neurologist referral, no clue about psychology nor science. I like to think I'm polite, friendly, not massively popular but no shrinking violet either. I'm currently in a relationship of coming on for two years, and maybe can be described as inwardly troubled, but mostly just chugging along through life. Time for those four words.

I am a paedophile.

I've never done ANYTHING to any child, and I've suppressed it with common sense mostly, but I know I am for the most part atttacted to people at least three years younger than me. At the time of writing (12.25) I have done a horrible thing.

I'm currently at my SO's house, supposedly sleeping, in her little sister's bedroom - she's in Year 7 so I guess 13? Anyway, I'm looking for a clock in the room to find out the time and I knock over a pile of clothes. Underwear. I feel sick to the stomach writing this, but it turned me on to see and feel such small clothes, and I held them close to me, I was turned on like crazy when my girlfriend's mother got home and I froze. She didn't come in, but my initial reaction was to stay still and replace it all.

The problem is simple - in one night I have failed to suppress my sick mindset and now I don't know where to turn. TSR is a fsirly unforgiving forum so I'd love some advice on what to do next, even if it does include pushing me to end my problem the prehistoric way - with a hole in my head.

I dont deserve aid, but I'm asking,

Thanks

I was going to open with four key words, but I'd like to get some background sorted first. I'm 18, hoping to go to uni, currently being diagnosed because of hallucinations, wating on a neurologist referral, no clue about psychology nor science. I like to think I'm polite, friendly, not massively popular but no shrinking violet either. I'm currently in a relationship of coming on for two years, and maybe can be described as inwardly troubled, but mostly just chugging along through life. Time for those four words.

I am a paedophile.

I've never done ANYTHING to any child, and I've suppressed it with common sense mostly, but I know I am for the most part atttacted to people at least three years younger than me. At the time of writing (12.25) I have done a horrible thing.

I'm currently at my SO's house, supposedly sleeping, in her little sister's bedroom - she's in Year 7 so I guess 13? Anyway, I'm looking for a clock in the room to find out the time and I knock over a pile of clothes. Underwear. I feel sick to the stomach writing this, but it turned me on to see and feel such small clothes, and I held them close to me, I was turned on like crazy when my girlfriend's mother got home and I froze. She didn't come in, but my initial reaction was to stay still and replace it all.

The problem is simple - in one night I have failed to suppress my sick mindset and now I don't know where to turn. TSR is a fsirly unforgiving forum so I'd love some advice on what to do next, even if it does include pushing me to end my problem the prehistoric way - with a hole in my head.

I dont deserve aid, but I'm asking,

Thanks

I was going to open with four key words, but I'd like to get some background sorted first. I'm 18, hoping to go to uni, currently being diagnosed because of hallucinations, wating on a neurologist referral, no clue about psychology nor science. I like to think I'm polite, friendly, not massively popular but no shrinking violet either. I'm currently in a relationship of coming on for two years, and maybe can be described as inwardly troubled, but mostly just chugging along through life. Time for those four words.

I am a paedophile.

I've never done ANYTHING to any child, and I've suppressed it with common sense mostly, but I know I am for the most part atttacted to people at least three years younger than me. At the time of writing (12.25) I have done a horrible thing.

I'm currently at my SO's house, supposedly sleeping, in her little sister's bedroom - she's in Year 7 so I guess 13? Anyway, I'm looking for a clock in the room to find out the time and I knock over a pile of clothes. Underwear. I feel sick to the stomach writing this, but it turned me on to see and feel such small clothes, and I held them close to me, I was turned on like crazy when my girlfriend's mother got home and I froze. She didn't come in, but my initial reaction was to stay still and replace it all.

The problem is simple - in one night I have failed to suppress my sick mindset and now I don't know where to turn. TSR is a fsirly unforgiving forum so I'd love some advice on what to do next, even if it does include pushing me to end my problem the prehistoric way - with a hole in my head.

I dont deserve aid, but I'm asking,

Thanks

The best thing to start with is that you spoke about it. If you keep it locked away for too long then it might get the better of you. The next step is to start talking to a doctor or specialist psychologist about it and get help.
Also if you are attracted to people 3 years younger than you consistently then by the time you're 21 they'd be 18 and that's not a bad age gap, I know some 16 year olds who go out with 23 year olds, which is a larger gap than that. But just in case you actually are attracted to people much younger than yourself, it might be worth a quick word with a psychologist.

3 years? OP is 18 and the girl is in Year 7. That's a 6-7 year age difference.

3 years? OP is 18 and the girl is in Year 7. That's a 6-7 year age difference.

Actually the post was made in 1970, so OP would be 64

Year 7 is age 11-12. A paedophile is specifically attracted to prepubescent children so the word paedophile may not be the right one.

In any case, you should talk to gp and ask to be referred to therapeutic services. Prevention is always better than cure

I didnt notice the post date.
Obvious troll is obvious. Nothing to see here.