Depression over unrequited love

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Heyy, sorry about your situation atm and that you haven't had any replies yet. I could go on but I doubt you'd want a long reply anyway, the main thing is that love can be a very confusing thing. I'm no expert in this topic but I think it's better to hold onto what you loved about someone than to act upon what you didn't like. This guy does seem reasonable in his decisions to break it off if he genuinely meant everything he told you (you being able to have better and so forth). However, his on and off interest in you suggests to me he's still in love with you, or is confused about whether he is in love with you or not. This could be due to a fear of what the future may bring in addition to the feelings he still holds for his ex.
As I said, I'm no expert at this. I'd say the best thing to do now is try to get involved in your key interests and hobbies, living according to your normal routine. Do you have any interests that can involve expressing yourself? I find that helps a lot when I'm not feeling great. The main thing is being able to make the best of the situation at hand. As you are still in love with this guy but he not as much, I'd say you should try to express yourself for the time being.
I hope I haven't missed anything...
Feel free to PM if you'd like to

Posted from TSR Mobile

hi, thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it!

I understand what you're saying.. it may well because he still has feelings. He broke up with her 2 years ago and hasn't been out with anyone else since,; I'd been the only girl for a while. He says he doesnt want to go out with anyone at all for the moment, and has been saying that for the last few months.

He said he hasn't really fallen for anyone since his ex either...

I just can't understand how somebody can be so indecisive. Now, he's quite cold towards me when we chat online; he's polite but no more.

I will try my best to keep busy.. it's just so confusing, and so is he.

Sorry for the long post; I know people will tell me it takes time. But how on earth can somebody like me, then not like me (he said 4 months ago to my friend that he only liked me as a friend!) then like me again, then not like me! It just doesn't make any sense and I feel like I'll never understand. I can't help taking it personally; that I must havedone something wrong...

It does happen OP and the reverse can happen as well.

People are strange and complicated creatures who rarely know what we actually want from life. And no it doesnt make sense.

You havent done anything wrong - at all.

If hes still in love with his ex then tbf, its not a bedrock for a sound relationship and hes doing the right thing in pulling back from you.

What you need to do is stop fantasising - we've all been there, making up the happy lttle images of getting with him, being with him, doing things together etc etc. Develop the discipline of every time youre thinking of him - think of something else instead. Get on with your life Its not easy and it takes time.

Thanks It could be that yeah... he had told me he'd stopped being in love with his ex when he met me at the start of this year, but then just over a week ago he admitted that he was still into her... but said he'd never go out with her again, then said he didn't want to talk about it.

It could be yeah! But he also said he 'hadn't had that connection with me', even though we get on extremely well ,spend hours talking etc. but at the same time we haven't seen each other much in person really, and he's left now..

I just think that he'd know early on if he hadn't had the connection, not 5 months later..

Plus, he said that he didn't want to go out with me even to try, because he saw that I was more into him than he was to me and he 'panicked' and wasn't ready.

So i guess that's my fault, but oh well..

I'll try my best to keep busy

Yeah, I guess he was maybe forcing himself into the relationship a bit too much. Well, everyone gets confused and makes mistakes but it's what you choose to do now and why you do it that counts

Good good

Posted from TSR Mobile

Into the thing he had with me you mean? Yeah.. I guess it's just that after all he realised he just didn't like me enough, and that's all there is to it haha

Just preserve some dignity and get rid. I don't understand why you want to stick around after clearly not being first choice and being friends is the ultimate beta thing. Better to just wish each other good luck and moved on like nothing happened

Into the relationship in general - like him being attracted but not so much as to have a longer relationship so he tried to keep it going despite this. If this is the case, then it's probably best to try to forget about him for the most part, as much as I appreciate how difficult that will be. Have you tried contacting him to ask why he entered the relationship if he still had feelings for his ex? That might help you to make better sense of this.

Posted from TSR Mobile

yeah, he just told me several times that he 'liked me'..and whilst I didn't expect him to be in love, he told me he was interested and really liked me. Then last week he told me he was 'attracted to me but nothing more...'. Despite having earlier told me that he liked me..

I had always suspected that it was something to do with his ex, I mean he told me that he'd had trouble falling for anyone else since her, and hadn't felt like going out with anyone else since her...

OK, maybe it was just errors on his part then, knowing you liked him and using that to his advantage? That sounds awful the way I put it but I'm sure he had his reasons.
Just make sure you don't keep your emotions bottled up inside. Not to sound patronising, but I know from experience how bad that is and still do it
(I'd also like to say sorry for seeming to drag this on so much - in case if you didn't feel like talking about it much or feel like it's solved)

Posted from TSR Mobile

Yeah, it could be that; his good friend actually told me he possibly took advantage of the fact that I liked him in order to sleep with me. Even the very first time we slept together, he knew at that point that I wanted to have a relationship.

After each time we'd slept together, he'd tell me a couple of days later that we 'shouldn't have done it'..

I think I will never really understand; I'm just mad at him for telling me several times that he liked me if he didn't really mean it.

You are right, I had a bit of a go at him to be fair; there was a lot of resentment on my part and I told him so. I let it all out and I got an apology from him for hurting me, which was good.

And no don't apologise at all, you have helped me so much with this advice, I really appreciate it, thank you.