If someone is struggling, does it give them an excuse to treat you badly?

Say someone you are fairly close with is going through a depressive episode or something similar, does it give them an excuse to ignore you even if they know you are waiting for them, and just generally behave in an ill manner?

Reply 1

Protoxylic

I guess you can excuse them, but at the end of the day if they are hurting you and they know that, it's pretty ill mannered to keep it going even though they are aware that they are hurting you. It's difficult because at what point is an action not excusable. I've had this happen to me and it's horrible, you try to reach out to help and they outright refuse and just ignore you, yet when they want to talk to me, I'm always there for them. But humanity sucks so there's that.

Reply 2

Wretch

Original post by Protoxylic

Agreed. I would say that it is excusable to an extent, but not for such a long period of time. Whenever I have struggled a lot, I still make an effort to talk to those that I am conversing with and don't just ignore them for time, even though others do that to me. You can tell them that I can't talk right now or whatever :redface:

This is true, but if they know that you are worrying about them then I don't think it's excusable to such an extent. Obviously, you don't always feel like talking to someone when you are feeling like that, but it's still unfair on the person that is trying to be there for you.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

Protoxylic

Original post by Wretch

This is true, but if they know that you are waiting and worrying about them then I don't think it's excusable to such an extent. Obviously, you don't always feel like talking to someone when you are feeling like that, but it's still unfair on the person that is trying to be there for you.

Exactly this. Why does nobody understand this. It isn't hard to say. And yeah when I struggle I don't block people out or push people away, you just risk losing friends that way.

Reply 4

Wretch

Original post by Protoxylic

Exactly this. Why does nobody understand this. It isn't hard to say. And yeah when I struggle I don't block people out or push people away, you just risk losing friends that way.

Exactly. I have absolutely no idea why people don't do that. I'm glad that I'm not the only one that feels like that though haha. Like, how hard is it to say "I can't talk right now" so the other person knows what is going on instead of just ignoring you?

Reply 5

Protoxylic

Original post by Wretch

No idea. Apparently it's an oblivious statement to some. I still agree, however, that they should be excused on the off chance, but on the regular, it's not entirely nice to be ignored or pushed away.

Reply 6

Wretch

Original post by Protoxylic

I agree.

Reply 7

queen-bee

I'd try to understand that they're going through a tough time and excuse them but not continuously*

Reply 8

WhimsicalSloth

That is a really good question. I'd say that it would depend upon who the person is and what the extent of their depression is. I think that it's essential to be understanding of what a person is going through, especially if you yourself have never experienced depressive episodes or gone through serious issues, and part of that understanding is about being supportive and respectful of another person's rights to privacy freedom from interference.

There are times when I think that it is ok to say something if you genuinely believe that the other person is consistently intending to hurt you or themselves, but I also think that (for the most part), people should be given support through a degree of understanding and patience. Again, it depends, but that's my opinion anyway.

Reply 9

fatima1998

hmmmmmmmm tricky tricky :hmmmm2:

errrmmm, i would defo get a proper treatment for them, if needed admit them in a hospital or whatever is good for them, people with mental problems such as being a psychotic etc can do crazy things which can be harmful :unsure:

Reply 10

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Wretch

I'd say yes because if they act this way it's because they generally have tough issues to deal with and don't even know anymore how to do so.

Also sometimes, they just need some space, they want to be alone and they're tired of explaining what they want to everyone, especially because everyone is asking them what is wrong all the time.

Really, forgive them, it was not their intention to upset you

Sometimes

If it was depression, I would be quite sympathetic towards them, show empathy and maybe try and help them and make them feel better. If they were having a bad day however, I would expect them to distance themselves from people they are likely to upset, get it together and then re-integrate into the situation. There is no reason to make someone feel like **** or upset just because they're having a bad day. Even if they feel like they are going to do or say something out of line, they should take a time out and sort themselves out. So if they were ignoring me to sort themselves out id be fine with that and not be mad at them- but it does depend on the nature of the situation and how long they take. If their behaviour is always intolerant and being ill mannered is part of them, I don't know how I would react, I'd probably distance myself from them idek.

If their feelings just spiralled out of control and said something to upset me, I guess i would judge them on their character (how they usually behave towards me), and just wait for them to sort themselves and apologise. If the bad treatment they gave me is somewhat their personality, I would cut them loose.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 13

Wretch

Original post by AthiaKarim

If it was depression, I would be quite sympathetic towards them, show empathy and maybe try and help them and make them feel better.

I agree, to an extent. I can understand ignoring someone for a few days when you are really struggling, but if you know that they are worrying about you then you should at least talk to them or at least just say that "I can't talk right now". Even when I am really struggling, I still make a conscious effort to talk to others, even if it is just to tell them that I can't talk right now or whatever :redface:

If they were having a bad day however, I would expect them to distance themselves from people they are likely to upset, get it together and then re-integrate into the situation. There is no reason to make someone feel like **** or upset just because they're having a bad day. Even if they feel like they are going to do or say something out of line, they should take a time out and sort themselves out. So if they were ignoring me to sort themselves out id be fine with that and not be mad at them- but it does depend on the nature of the situation and how long they take.

How long is acceptable, in your opinion?

If their behaviour is always intolerant and being ill mannered is part of them, I don't know how I would react, I'd probably distance myself from them idek.

If their feelings just spiralled out of control and said something to upset me, I guess i would judge them on their character (how they usually behave towards me), and just wait for them to sort themselves and apologise. If the bad treatment they gave me is somewhat their personality, I would cut them loose.

This is understandable! :smile:

Reply 14

Wretch

Original post by FrenchUnicorn

I understand that, but I still don't think it excuses them to continually treat you like that.

We all need space at times, and there is nothing wrong with that, at all. What is wrong is when you consciously ignore those that worry about you.

Reply 15

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Wretch

If the person you are refering to did ignored you more than once, it's annoying indeed.. Because being depressed or something like that just means you're not 100% yourself, it does not mean you can be completely someone else \:

Have you talked to them about that ? I think that's what I would do if I were in a similar situation

Reply 16

Tiger Rag

It depends on the situation. I've been told that depression is fine for harassing someone. Ok, we'll just ignore the **** I was going through. (my granddad was dying and quite frankly, I didn't care about this guy's depression)

If your friend does have depression, I think you need to understand that maybe they don't want to talk. I think maybe you should let them know that you're there if they do wish to talk though.