Need feedback on my cover letter please

I want to apply for a job that requires data entry and some research and attention to detail. It required a cover letter so I have made a quick one, but don't know if it is good or not. I would attach my CV as well, but don't know if it is safe or not.
Please give me feedback on it. my cover letter for TSR.png

Reply 1

Reda2

Original post by J-SP

Sorry for the poor formatting of the previous posts - unfortunately every time I try to edit it to make it easier to read, it doesn't save for some reason :frown:

No problem at all! I just want to start of by saying, thank you soo much for this amazing and informative reply. I really appreciate it. By the way, do you just have experience in this stuff or is it part of your job? Since you seem to be pretty good at it.

I have dealt with all the changes you have mentioned and noted some notes about each point, please see them below, and let me know if I have made any improvements and if it's good to go.
Cover letter 2 PNG.PNG

1) Spaces gone2) Name is nowhere to be found.3) Dealt with, please let me know if it’s better now.4) Got rid of that, but left “almost” is that fine?5) “For example” removed.6) Changed.7) Kinda dealt with this, removed a few words and changed some of the wording.8) GUI dealt with. Good point.9) Transferred comma.10) I split it up into 2 sentences. New sentence now starting with “Discovering”.11) I think you are right. After some research I found out that it is optimisation.12) I don’t think I have repeated anything from my CV directly.13) I added a bit to the end of the last paragraph but after that I want to put “and” another reason that I cannot think of.14) I did change it but, Word is telling me to change it to “any way” hehe.15) I replaced one of the “Business” with industry which makes way more sense. But still have it repeated twice, is that ok? I was going to replace one of the other ones with “firm”?

Thank you very much.

Reply 2

Reda2

Ah, I faced the same problem, it's not keeping the texts format.

Reply 3

username402722

There are some grammatical mistakes. The GUI required a great level of attention, as an example.

It is a bit longer than it need be- suggest you look carefully at each sentence.*

Reply 4

Reda2

Original post by barnetlad

There are some grammatical mistakes. The GUI required a great level of attention, as an example.

It is a bit longer than it need be- suggest you look carefully at each sentence.*

Thanks for the reply. Can you please be more specific if you don't mind?

Reply 5

username402722

I have a deep knowledge of database systems and how they work, as I have developed two where I determined the data entry the end user needed for system access.

I was required to understand the client's business thoroughly, which I gained via online research, so I could then develop an optimised website.*

Reply 6

Reda2

Original post by barnetlad

Perfect! This is it now:
In my role as a Web developer, I was responsible for creating and maintaining client websites. Discovering customer needs through different marketing research was a big part of that process. I was required to understand the client's industry thoroughly, which I gained via online research, so I could then develop an optimised website. This coupled with my enthusiasm and dedication has helped the business increase the number of clients exponentially.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 7

Reda2

Original post by J-SP

I've spent my career reviewing CVs and applications forms :smile:

1)The "not an ordinary student" is still an odd phrase - I think you can get the sentiment across better. Your sentence could be something like "Despite only just finishing my A-levels, I have gained significant relevant work experience...." or something similar.2)The term "almost" is again not assertive enough. You can say "my previous work experience have involved..." and it keeps its meaning, you are not lying and it is suitable.3)The sentence structure is still clunky in places which makes it unclear and difficult to read/understand. It is too difficult to try and edit on here where it is an image rather than a word doc, but if you want to PM me with the text, I'll have a play around with it to show you what I mean by it.4) There are some grammatical issues as already pointed out - again it is more difficult to go through these where it is a word document.5) Don't worry about the anyway - I might be wrong, you can change it back. Or just get rid of that part of the sentence (it is a bit of an odd phrase again).6) I still don't get enough of why you want to do the job with that organisation from what is there. Think about why you are applying to this and other jobs. What would make you pick this job rather than other ones you have seen, what attracted you to this company rather than others you could have applied to. Be specific as possible. If the company has a website look to see if they have a careers section and if they do look at what they offer their employees in terms of training/development/career progression (or whatever else is important to you - as long as it is not money!).6)

Thank you again for your amazing reply. I have already sent you my CV and I will send you that cover letter now as well. Thank you for your time. I won't do any changes to it yet until you had a look at the actual document so we don't make too many versions of it, and get confused hehe.

Reply 8

Chrisateen

Out of curiosity are you applying for uni or just going straight into work after A Levels

Reply 9

Reda2

Original post by Chrisateen

Out of curiosity are you applying for uni or just going straight into work after A Levels

I have applied to uni. I just want to work in the summer as I have always done each year, but each job in those years didn't require a cover letter, but I found this nice job that needed it this year, so I have to make one now, no way around it hehe.