I was going to open with four key words, but I'd like to get some background sorted first. I'm 18, hoping to go to uni, currently being diagnosed because of hallucinations, wating on a neurologist referral, no clue about psychology nor science. I like to think I'm polite, friendly, not massively popular but no shrinking violet either. I'm currently in a relationship of coming on for two years, and maybe can be described as inwardly troubled, but mostly just chugging along through life. Time for those four words.
I am a paedophile.
I've never done ANYTHING to any child, and I've suppressed it with common sense mostly, but I know I am for the most part atttacted to people at least three years younger than me. At the time of writing (12.25) I have done a horrible thing.
I'm currently at my SO's house, supposedly sleeping, in her little sister's bedroom - she's in Year 7 so I guess 13? Anyway, I'm looking for a clock in the room to find out the time and I knock over a pile of clothes. Underwear. I feel sick to the stomach writing this, but it turned me on to see and feel such small clothes, and I held them close to me, I was turned on like crazy when my girlfriend's mother got home and I froze. She didn't come in, but my initial reaction was to stay still and replace it all.
The problem is simple - in one night I have failed to suppress my sick mindset and now I don't know where to turn. TSR is a fsirly unforgiving forum so I'd love some advice on what to do next, even if it does include pushing me to end my problem the prehistoric way - with a hole in my head.
I dont deserve aid, but I'm asking,
Thanks