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Advice on coping with a relationship with an escort
Hey there,
As I am writing this, my girlfriend is away in a hotel right now doing god knows what with any man who can pay what she charges, and it hurts so much.
We were quite deep into our relationship when I found out what she does in the worst possible way, when I came home one day to hear her in the bedroom with another man. I already had suspicions as to what she did and this just confirmed it.
Well, as much as you may judge me for it, i stayed with her, because I see the best in her, and I know she doesnt want to do it but she has been doing it for a few years ever since she moved to England from the Czech Republic and she feels financially dependent on it. We are both studying at uni as of September and so I cant see her stopping any time soon as she will need to support herself through her education.
Now I dont judge girls who choose to sell sex. Thats their choice and it is very rewarding finanically, but when a commited relationship is thrown into the mix, it obviously creates huge problems.
She does ensure her safety, including health related, and I enforce it by making sure she takes precautions when dealing with these guys shes going to sleep with, such as having an alarm with her, messaging me when she is safe, and being selective in who she chooses to see. She also doesnt do the worst things sexually, she always uses protection and doesnt kiss etc.
Emotionally, it wrecks me. To know that tons and tons of mainly older guys are using the girl i want to marry as nothing but sex makes me sick. I cant help but visualise what shes doing, and it torments me to think about it.
I guess its comparable to being cheated on every single day, just that money is exchanged, but to me it doesnt change the emotional impact of it.
Its also made me more protective and territorial. Its as if I have a public girlfriend, and so I try to ensure that when I'm with her, I feel like shes mine and im hers, because when your having to share your girlfriend every day it makes you question whether she is just your partner or a girlfriend for hire.
Sadly, there is nothing I can do to get her out of it atm, I dont have much money for as long as im a student and although she wants to stop, she wont make anything near what she makes now from working in a bar, although for me, id rather be poor as hell but still have each other over having material possessions and being cheated on every day.
Ive tried to ask for help in dealing with it on escort forums, but it just seems that a vast majority of escorts and punters have such deluded outlooks on relationships and sex, and they make out that I am unfair, possessive and wierd because I have a problem with my girlfriend getting screwed by other men 3 times a day. Well yes! I think it would be more of a problem if I didnt care at all, i mean seriously who the hell wouldnt find this difficult?? And i think i deserve credit for standing up and loving my partner where most other men couldnt, but instead they just criticise me.
And so I turn to here.
Has anybody else ever had a similar experience that they could share? How do I cope with this? I love her so much and dont want to leave her, but its so painful.
Thanks in advance.
J
As I am writing this, my girlfriend is away in a hotel right now doing god knows what with any man who can pay what she charges, and it hurts so much.
We were quite deep into our relationship when I found out what she does in the worst possible way, when I came home one day to hear her in the bedroom with another man. I already had suspicions as to what she did and this just confirmed it.
Well, as much as you may judge me for it, i stayed with her, because I see the best in her, and I know she doesnt want to do it but she has been doing it for a few years ever since she moved to England from the Czech Republic and she feels financially dependent on it. We are both studying at uni as of September and so I cant see her stopping any time soon as she will need to support herself through her education.
Now I dont judge girls who choose to sell sex. Thats their choice and it is very rewarding finanically, but when a commited relationship is thrown into the mix, it obviously creates huge problems.
She does ensure her safety, including health related, and I enforce it by making sure she takes precautions when dealing with these guys shes going to sleep with, such as having an alarm with her, messaging me when she is safe, and being selective in who she chooses to see. She also doesnt do the worst things sexually, she always uses protection and doesnt kiss etc.
Emotionally, it wrecks me. To know that tons and tons of mainly older guys are using the girl i want to marry as nothing but sex makes me sick. I cant help but visualise what shes doing, and it torments me to think about it.
I guess its comparable to being cheated on every single day, just that money is exchanged, but to me it doesnt change the emotional impact of it.
Its also made me more protective and territorial. Its as if I have a public girlfriend, and so I try to ensure that when I'm with her, I feel like shes mine and im hers, because when your having to share your girlfriend every day it makes you question whether she is just your partner or a girlfriend for hire.
Sadly, there is nothing I can do to get her out of it atm, I dont have much money for as long as im a student and although she wants to stop, she wont make anything near what she makes now from working in a bar, although for me, id rather be poor as hell but still have each other over having material possessions and being cheated on every day.
Ive tried to ask for help in dealing with it on escort forums, but it just seems that a vast majority of escorts and punters have such deluded outlooks on relationships and sex, and they make out that I am unfair, possessive and wierd because I have a problem with my girlfriend getting screwed by other men 3 times a day. Well yes! I think it would be more of a problem if I didnt care at all, i mean seriously who the hell wouldnt find this difficult?? And i think i deserve credit for standing up and loving my partner where most other men couldnt, but instead they just criticise me.
And so I turn to here.
Has anybody else ever had a similar experience that they could share? How do I cope with this? I love her so much and dont want to leave her, but its so painful.
Thanks in advance.
J
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why would you have a girlfriend that is an escort? lol thats your fault
Dude. Seriously.
Original post by theBranicAc
why would you have a girlfriend that is an escort? lol thats your fault
Why??
Dude, I didnt know she was an escort when I fell in love with her. I met her in a completely unrelated setting.
And in terms of why im still with her? Because love.
this is joke, how can you let your self been a relationship while shes having sex with other people?
you can't be that desperate, just leave already
you can't be that desperate, just leave already
Original post by Clockrice
Dude. 
Get out of this relationship.
Get out of this relationship.I dont think I can. I love her so much and shes the only girl I've ever loved, we live together and everything else about her is lovely.
Love or no, you have to make her choose between you and the escorting.
Why is she financially dependent on it? Why can't she get a normal person job? Why do I suspect that financially dependent means she wouldn't be able to buy herself as many shoes if she worked at a normal job?
(Of course our imminent exit from the EU will mean one day working in the black economy really will be her only option...)
Why is she financially dependent on it? Why can't she get a normal person job? Why do I suspect that financially dependent means she wouldn't be able to buy herself as many shoes if she worked at a normal job?
(Of course our imminent exit from the EU will mean one day working in the black economy really will be her only option...)
Original post by Kinkajou93
I dont think I can. I love her so much and shes the only girl I've ever loved, we live together and everything else about her is lovely.
what is wrong with you? tbh your causing yourself all this harm, not her. If she loved you back she won't be having sex with different people all the time
Original post by theBranicAc
what is wrong with you? tbh your causing yourself all this harm, not her. If she loved you back she won't be having sex with different people all the time
Trust me, she loves me as much as I love her, I know that. Its strange, she legitimises it as a normal job (even though I know its not) and as I said thats where most escorts have a deluded sensrof sex and relationships.
I see it as unfair of her that she allowed the relationship to go on long enough for us to be in love before I found out about it. Had I found out when I wasnt so emotionally attached to her, then there is no doubt I would have left in a second.
Original post by Kinkajou93
Trust me, she loves me as much as I love her, I know that. Its strange, she legitimises it as a normal job (even though I know its not) and as I said thats where most escorts have a deluded sensrof sex and relationships.
I see it as unfair of her that she allowed the relationship to go on long enough for us to be in love before I found out about it. Had I found out when I wasnt so emotionally attached to her, then there is no doubt I would have left in a second.
I see it as unfair of her that she allowed the relationship to go on long enough for us to be in love before I found out about it. Had I found out when I wasnt so emotionally attached to her, then there is no doubt I would have left in a second.
i dont understand, what is it that that is stopping you from leaving, even after all the suffering you enduring? If she REALLY LOVED you she would't be having sex with other people for money, can't she get a job/
Clearly your too weak of a person to do anything different, so keep on going out with since you 'love' her
Original post by Kinkajou93
Why??
Dude, I didnt know she was an escort when I fell in love with her. I met her in a completely unrelated setting.
And in terms of why im still with her? Because love.
Dude, I didnt know she was an escort when I fell in love with her. I met her in a completely unrelated setting.
And in terms of why im still with her? Because love.
your asking why? does that really need a question lol
yeah okay then fair enough, but now you know what difference should it make, becuase you say, you still love her, so being an escort shouldt be a problem for you
Original post by Kinkajou93
I dont think I can. I love her so much and shes the only girl I've ever loved, we live together and everything else about her is lovely.
But it will just eat away at you, even after she has stopped doing it. In must make you feel disgusted and that she doesn't really care about you and is just using you? That is how it would make me feel. I would be so disgusted by it, I couldn't love that person. I would try and get over it, but in the end I couldn't. I mean why on earth didn't she tell you or you ask before you went out with her? That is was dumb move, you shouldn't go out with someone until you know who the are and what history they have. Otherwise you are setting yourself up to get hurt.
I have done this myself loving people before I truly knew who they were and being hurt. But as always you have the opportunity to have someone you life and you make the same mistake again. We are both dumb. But really you need to get out of this relationship it is damaging you.
Original post by Kinkajou93
she wont make anything near what she makes now from working in a bar, although for me, id rather be poor as hell but still have each other over having material possessions and being cheated on every day.
Well, there you go.
She knows her 'work' destroys you, and yet she continues. She likes the money more than she cares for your feelings.
It's a tough one, normally it's entirely reasonable to not drop everything that a partner dislikes, that a person choosing a job that their partner doesn't like is fair enough, but this is more than just a regular job and your complaints are a bit more substantial than petty moaning.
I'd personally call time on that relationship myself, but that's entirely my own opinion on the matter, I just personally wouldn't date a prostitute, escort, whatever you call it. Someone who sells their body for the sexual gratification of strangers.
I don't haver any problem with women who want to do that, it just wouldn't be compatible with my wants and needs from a relationship.
I guess all I can suggest is you ask yourself seriously if this is something you can live with. Even if she was to stop, could you fully get over the fact she has sold herself to other men?
Best of luck dude. Sometimes love alone isn't enough, but that'll be for you to decide.
Original post by Kinkajou93
Trust me, she loves me as much as I love her, I know that. Its strange, she legitimises it as a normal job (even though I know its not) and as I said thats where most escorts have a deluded sensrof sex and relationships.
I see it as unfair of her that she allowed the relationship to go on long enough for us to be in love before I found out about it. Had I found out when I wasnt so emotionally attached to her, then there is no doubt I would have left in a second.
I see it as unfair of her that she allowed the relationship to go on long enough for us to be in love before I found out about it. Had I found out when I wasnt so emotionally attached to her, then there is no doubt I would have left in a second.
She hid it from you. Don't you see how much of an insult that is to you? She let you fall in love with her without telling you this deal breaker, so that by the time you found out it was too late. She completely ignored your feelings....
A girl like that has no self worth. None. She may be lovely and everything, but so are thousands of other girls.
And here's a good point. You say you want to marry her? Okay. What happens when you marry her, and you have kids? Think about it honestly, and ask yourself if you want this girl to be the mother of your kids. You want her to kiss your kids goodnight? And say you're at the beach or whatever, and one of her former clients comes over? You'll play it cool?
Save yourself man. Please.
Original post by theBranicAc
your asking why? does that really need a question lol
yeah okay then fair enough, but now you know what difference should it make, becuase you say, you still love her, so being an escort shouldt be a problem for you
yeah okay then fair enough, but now you know what difference should it make, becuase you say, you still love her, so being an escort shouldt be a problem for you
I take it you have never been in love before. If you had, you would know its not easy to leave someone.
I feel like the pain i would endure from leaving her would be just as bad as what i have now.
And the way i see it, if i leave her, i will still be in love with her, and she will still be doing it, just further away from me and I wouldnt be able to be with her.
Life isnt black and white my friend.
Maybe you can support her while she gets a normal job?
Original post by Kinkajou93
I take it you have never been in love before. If you had, you would know its not easy to leave someone.
I feel like the pain i would endure from leaving her would be just as bad as what i have now.
And the way i see it, if i leave her, i will still be in love with her, and she will still be doing it, just further away from me and I wouldnt be able to be with her.
Life isnt black and white my friend.
I feel like the pain i would endure from leaving her would be just as bad as what i have now.
And the way i see it, if i leave her, i will still be in love with her, and she will still be doing it, just further away from me and I wouldnt be able to be with her.
Life isnt black and white my friend.
your completely brainwashed, keep on going out with then you weak ass person
Original post by donutellme
She hid it from you. Don't you see how much of an insult that is to you? She let you fall in love with her without telling you this deal breaker, so that by the time you found out it was too late. She completely ignored your feelings....
A girl like that has no self worth. None. She may be lovely and everything, but so are thousands of other girls.
And here's a good point. You say you want to marry her? Okay. What happens when you marry her, and you have kids? Think about it honestly, and ask yourself if you want this girl to be the mother of your kids. You want her to kiss your kids goodnight? And say you're at the beach or whatever, and one of her former clients comes over? You'll play it cool?
Save yourself man. Please.
A girl like that has no self worth. None. She may be lovely and everything, but so are thousands of other girls.
And here's a good point. You say you want to marry her? Okay. What happens when you marry her, and you have kids? Think about it honestly, and ask yourself if you want this girl to be the mother of your kids. You want her to kiss your kids goodnight? And say you're at the beach or whatever, and one of her former clients comes over? You'll play it cool?
Save yourself man. Please.
Yea, i often think about that. Even myself, I cant kiss her properly, knowijg where her mouth has been etc. Its even at the point wher I cant even see porn anymore, becuasr it reminds me of what she is doing. Any references to prostitution or such make me breakdown.
Its such a sad situation I find myself in, I feel like there is no escape from it, and whatever decision I make will be miserable.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Maybe you can support her while she gets a normal job?
I try my best to, but i dont earn much atm.
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