Advice on coping with a relationship with an escort

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Reply 40

Gora The Xplorer

If she loved you she would stop, dump her without mercy.

Reply 41

Kinkajou93

Original post by alevelssuck_

I truly do feel sorry for you. I know it must hurt that all these people are calling you stupid and telling you for being with her but I fully understand where you are coming from. You love her so much you see past all the negatives of it as I would do the same with my boyfriend. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself this question, am I happy being with her? If yes, then continue being in the relationship however if the answer is no then you know what to do. It's very natural for you to be territorial and possessive as I'm sure 99% of people in relationships are too, especially in this case. But also I would advise you to sit down a have a chat asking her how much do YOU mean to her, does she see you guys spending the rest of your lives together and what is more important her job or being with you. I completely understand finances are important to her but she could get another job and also she will get student finance so its not like she completely will have 0 money for herself. Yes she will have less money as you said but at least your girlfriend will be 100% yours. At the end of the day if I was in this situation I would quit the job for my boyfriend in a heart beat and if she truly does love you and if she sees a future together she would do the exact same.

Yes it is pretty depressing that I've come on here to ask for a bit of help in terms of coping with it yet all these people are hurling insults my way. As if it doesnt hurt enough. Are they really that narrow minded that they think I havnt thought these things myself?? Of course I know its crazy what I'm doing, and their saying im weak for staying with her. But I think it would have been weak for me to leave. I've stood up and supported the girl I love in a terrible situation, I think thats more manly than what they have suggested, and unless they were in the same situation, how can they judge it.

Thankyou for actually being helpful though. Its appreciated, I will have a talk with her and try to convince her to stop for the sake of our relationship. I know that she feels the same way about me, and she sees a long term future. It hurts her too that shes hurting me.

I've never had a proper relationship before ao I'm scared of leaving her as I feel so attached, we have a very deep love and I would easily die for her, its just a shame we are in this mess.

Reply 42

Mrs House

this is so pathetic, do you even have any self worth left?

Reply 43

TheIr0nDuke

Op confirmed for a literal cuckold

Reply 44

Ethics Maniac

But I think it would have been weak for me to leave.

*facepalm*

OP this is your first proper relationship, but you seem to want to only accept what you want to hear. You should keep an open mind to all our advice/criticism. Work on your attachment, have a circle of friends (men and women), have hobbies, go out and meet new people and get out of this unhealthy relationship.

Reply 45

Kinkajou93

Original post by Ethics Maniac

[Made a throwaway account for this]

If you're not trolling then I am sorry to say this OP but you are a real life example of a cuckold.
Be a man and get rid of her. There are so many red flags but yet you stay. You are needy af. Get a better girl, and all that 'true love' is just ********. Grow a pair

Thanks mate, When I'm already down and struggling you manage to kick me when I'm down. Great advice therem 😒

Reply 46

alevelssuck_

Original post by Kinkajou93

I don't think it's depressing that you have come on here because I doubt you can talk friends or family as they will have that biased outburst of listing all the negative things about the relationship and encouraging you to break up with her. You are very strong for staying with her as so many men would run away as soon as they found out the truth. But I do think you should put yourself first because at the end of the day she would hate you having sex with multiple girls before her (you should tell her to think about that and how she would feel too)... I completely understand that you are scared of leaving her due to your attachment because I am soooo in love with my boyfriend I would die if we weren't together. But at the end of the day all relationships are messy at some point and if you guys do pull through this that will show that you should be together and that you truly are a wonderful guy who will stand by her through thick and thin. In all honesty I respect you for staying with her and make sure you don't take in all the negative comments because they cannot even come close to understanding and feeling what you do in this situation.

Reply 47

HeimIX

LOL, what a tool. You don't deserve any help. I don't know what's wrong with people like yourself but you my friend, are broken. Beyond repair.

Reply 48

Kinkajou93

Original post by HeimIX

LOL, what a tool. You don't deserve any help. I don't know what's wrong with people like yourself but you my friend, are broken. Beyond repair.

In what way am I broken??

Reply 49

Manchester_123

Break up with her. She is only good for one thing and that is sex, not relationships

Reply 50

alevelssuck_

Original post by Manchester_123

Break up with her. She is only good for one thing and that is sex, not relationships

Wow that is too harsh. You are talking about someone he truly loves.

Reply 51

Manchester_123

Original post by alevelssuck_

Wow that is too harsh. You are talking about someone he truly loves.

He shouldn't love her, she is a walking vagina and that's it

Reply 52

Kinkajou93

Yes its true that now that shes done it, its something that will always follow her.
Ill be honest I often worry when I am out with her about bumping into clients. In fact, even when I'm on my own, I'll look at guys sometimes and just wonder if hes ****ed her. Its disgusting. I absolutely hate it.

Reply 53

Kinkajou93

Original post by Manchester_123

He shouldn't love her, she is a walking vagina and that's it

Are you for real? A walking vagina??
I know shes a sex worker but she is so much more than that. She has a great character and we have a good time together. She will be studying to become a translator very soon and in the long term she wants out.

Reply 54

Kinkajou93

Thanks man, that may be a good idea. But the thing is I really dont want to leave her. I know people are suggesting I should but I dont know what I would do without her, my world would feel so empty and I would always know that the girl I love is out there somewhere and out of my reach.

Reply 55

RDKGames

Study Forum Helper

Original post by Kinkajou93

Plenty more fish in the sea.

Reply 56

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kinkajou93

Hey there,

As I am writing this, my girlfriend is away in a hotel right now doing god knows what with any man who can pay what she charges, and it hurts so much.

We were quite deep into our relationship when I found out what she does in the worst possible way, when I came home one day to hear her in the bedroom with another man. I already had suspicions as to what she did and this just confirmed it.

Well, as much as you may judge me for it, i stayed with her, because I see the best in her, and I know she doesnt want to do it but she has been doing it for a few years ever since she moved to England from the Czech Republic and she feels financially dependent on it. We are both studying at uni as of September and so I cant see her stopping any time soon as she will need to support herself through her education.

Now I dont judge girls who choose to sell sex. Thats their choice and it is very rewarding finanically, but when a commited relationship is thrown into the mix, it obviously creates huge problems.

She does ensure her safety, including health related, and I enforce it by making sure she takes precautions when dealing with these guys shes going to sleep with, such as having an alarm with her, messaging me when she is safe, and being selective in who she chooses to see. She also doesnt do the worst things sexually, she always uses protection and doesnt kiss etc.

Emotionally, it wrecks me. To know that tons and tons of mainly older guys are using the girl i want to marry as nothing but sex makes me sick. I cant help but visualise what shes doing, and it torments me to think about it.
I guess its comparable to being cheated on every single day, just that money is exchanged, but to me it doesnt change the emotional impact of it.

Its also made me more protective and territorial. Its as if I have a public girlfriend, and so I try to ensure that when I'm with her, I feel like shes mine and im hers, because when your having to share your girlfriend every day it makes you question whether she is just your partner or a girlfriend for hire.

Sadly, there is nothing I can do to get her out of it atm, I dont have much money for as long as im a student and although she wants to stop, she wont make anything near what she makes now from working in a bar, although for me, id rather be poor as hell but still have each other over having material possessions and being cheated on every day.

Ive tried to ask for help in dealing with it on escort forums, but it just seems that a vast majority of escorts and punters have such deluded outlooks on relationships and sex, and they make out that I am unfair, possessive and wierd because I have a problem with my girlfriend getting screwed by other men 3 times a day. Well yes! I think it would be more of a problem if I didnt care at all, i mean seriously who the hell wouldnt find this difficult?? And i think i deserve credit for standing up and loving my partner where most other men couldnt, but instead they just criticise me.

And so I turn to here.
1) Has anybody else ever had a similar experience that they could share? 2) How do I cope with this? 3) I love her so much and dont want to leave her, but its so painful.

Thanks in advance.

J

A very long background. *sigh* I hope at least you read fully the long replies!

Short answers:
1) Me? Never! Others? Maybe.

2) Honestly, the best solution would be to break up, but there is another way, while remaining in the relationship. That is to stop being infatuated and stop loving her, but still caring for her. If you start being more logical, you can cope with this. :smile:

(Impossible? Well not to be rude, but think like you are caring for a pet?!)

3) Ok, don't leave her, but can you stop love her? In this way it will be less painful. :smile:

Important Comments:

" We were quite deep into our relationship when I found out what she does in the worst possible way, when I came home one day to hear her in the bedroom with another man. I already had suspicions as to what she did and this just confirmed it. "

1 - Not sure what hints she gave. It may be her fault to hide/not telling you beforehand or it may be your fault to ignore her hints.

"she has been doing it for a few years ever since she moved to England from the Czech Republic and she feels financially dependent on it. We are both studying at uni as of September and so I cant see her stopping any time soon as she will need to support herself through her education."

2 - Well, she is supporting herself for her study, even though it is not the best way to do. I just hope she won't depend on it after her study.

How are you supporting yourself for your study? Parents?

If I were a woman and in her position, I would do this "sacrifice", finish my study, find a proper job enough to support myself and my future children (in the hope to find a proper man to live with, and obviously I would hide the past or mention I was just an escort, but nothing sexual). This would be my rough plan!

"She does ensure her safety, including health related, and I enforce it by making sure she takes precautions when dealing with these guys shes going to sleep with, such as having an alarm with her, messaging me when she is safe, and being selective in who she chooses to see."

3 - If I were in her position, I would obviously want to ensure my safety! Having a man who supports me in these things, would make me feel safe and happy (even though sometimes can be annoying).

If my boyfriend knows what I did and still support me and care of me, it is likely to be my future partner/husband, unless I find a better guy (handsome, caring and rich), but I would still prefer my boyfriend over that perfect guy (unless I want to forget my past as an escort).

Ive tried to ask for help in dealing with it on escort forums, but it just seems that a vast majority of escorts and punters have such deluded outlooks on relationships and sex, and they make out that I am unfair, possessive and wierd because I have a problem with my girlfriend getting screwed by other men 3 times a day.

4 - They would obviously have such point of view about sex and relationship. It is like asking (not to be rude, just example) to other thieves that you don't like your girlfriend is a thief. As a thief they would protect themselves and force their point of view.

The comments of you being unfair, possessive and weird are true for their point of view, but they were morons to not notice that you are a student or a young individual. Some of the comments may as well from inexperienced escorts around your age, who knows.

My Questions to you:
1 - What is your future plan? What kind of job do you want to do? What dreams do you have?

I finished my master and I am planning to get either a PhD or a job. In both cases I get the money. I took a gap years after my master to accomplish half of my dreams and I am very satisfied with what I did. What is left for me are the long term commitments, hence, it is to get a job, get a house, save 100k £ for my children education, travel and keep nurturing my hobbies.

Ah right!? I need to find a partner, but I am confident.

2 - What benefits do you get from being in this relationship now?

If your girlfriend is a beauty and you want her genes (bone structure, height, skin, hair colour, eyes colour), I can understand to invest your time on her, but it risky as well, she may not be with you.

Moreover, if she is smart and gets good grades as well as having a caring side on her, that would be more advantageous so it may be worth to give a shot with her now as in the future you may not get someone as good as her.

3 - Do the benefits outweigh costs?

You are spending your time with this woman, instead of focusing on your future and career. Students must find a balance with enjoyment (going out with friends or girlfriend) and duty (good grades on your studies).

Hence, I am assuming you benefits in some way from her like (1) she stimulates you in a way that leads you going to the gym and make your body more fit and appealing to her or (2) you release sexual tension for free with her or (3) you have a companion who makes you feel less lonely and depressed or (4) she is good in her study and helps me out sometimes.

---------------------------------

Good luck with it! :smile:

Reply 57

theBranicAc

Original post by Ethics Maniac

finally what needed to be said has been said!

Reply 58

galaxyruler

Hey it's really great you're staying with her. Have you spoken to her about this? What did she say? If not, you really should. In a relationship like this communication is key, even more so than in other relationships.

You said she didn't really want to do it but she feels financially dependent on it. Is there any way she could look for an alternative source of income? If she prefers not to, that's her choice and you have to learn to live with that. If you find it very difficult, you may have to, as others have suggested, find a way out of the relationship.

Good luck

Reply 59

username1842595

I feel really sorry for you, and also feel really disgusted at some of the responses on this thread. Why can't everybody be a bit more empathetic? Anyways.

I know you are extremely in love with her, and that the thought of parting with her makes you sick to the stomach, hell you try and avoid the thought as much as possible because you want to try and make it work.

But you are so much better than that. You have worth. You do not deserve to put yourself in a situation where all you are is hurt. You can leave. And when you leave, you wont regret it. It will transform your life. At first, it feels miserable, like you're going cold turkey from an addiction. But as time goes on, you come to discover that each passing day brings unexpected new blessings. You begin to develop self respect, boundaries, and true friendships instead of running around absorbing and forgiving everything like you are doing just now. This freedom allows your spirit to thrive and somebody you will look back and wonder how you even tolerated interacting with such unhealthy people. You should talk to her, and allow her to see if she can get a proper respectful job. Sit her down and have a chat with her, tell her how you feel and ask her how much you mean to her. If not, then you need to leave. Get out of this relationship and save yourself all the misery. You don't deserve to be hurt this way. You will find someone much better.

All the best.

(edited 7 years ago)