Mum wants to stay in halls first night of freshers?!!

literally my worst nightmare. logistically, her staying overnight in the city makes sense as it's at least a four hour drive back, but I assumed she'd stay in a hotel overnight. Apparently she's going to stay with me in halls and when I refused, she got quite upset and offended. am I in the wrong here? I tried to explain that I needed to settle in on my own and get to know my own flatmates and go out etc, but she said she'd just stay in my room and not interfere, but... just the thought of it it horrific. I honestly do not know how to have this discussion with her.

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Reply 1

Dominae

Original post by s4ffy

cockblocked by your own mother

Reply 2

mercuryman

Stop being ungrateful and let your mother stay with you. Its only for a night.

Reply 3

username1294428

One night isn't going to hurt your social life or disturb you settling in

Reply 4

alexschmalex

Just straight up tell her it's not happening. She can't expect you to want to share your bed with her on the first night of uni, if she doesn't wanna drive home late then you guys should just get there earlier.

Reply 5

Dominae

let her be your wing-man

Reply 6

Themini

Original post by katherine9609

One night isn't going to hurt your social life or disturb you settling in

Lol yes it is. First impressions are everything. OP will be known as the kid whose mummy had to stay with him on his first night (if you're a girl, you'll be fine but if you're a bloke good luck lol).. OP tell her to get a hotel or something because you need to grow up and need independence as harsh as it sounds, its best for her too..Shes having "letting go" issues; this should make it easier on her.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 7

LavenderBlueSky88

Someone in my halls had their dad stay for 2 days but he did sleep in a hotel. Why don't you suggest this to her? Offer to pay for it? Might be a bit awkward on the first night if everyone wants to go out or drink in the flat and someone's mum is hanging around*

Reply 8

Plagioclase

Original post by s4ffy

There's not really much more that you can do than be honest with her and explain that you want to find your own way. You couldn't maybe persuade her to stay in a hotel after all?

Reply 9

Hevachan

Just tell her no, it would be so awkward.. She's got to get a hotel or go home, end of :')

Reply 10

fefssdf

ermmm I'm pretty sure you can't make her stay like if you don't give her permission then the hall security could surely throw her out ?

Reply 11

Tsrsarahhhh

don't be so rude op. It's only one night, I'm sure many other students will have someone they know staying for the first night too.

Reply 12

Doones

Is it even allowed?

Edit to add: seriously, check with your university to see if it's permitted. I doubt it is.

Would your mum like it if other unknown (to her) adult non-students were roaming around your halls, at night?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 13

s4ffy

Original post by LavenderBlueSky88

Offer to pay for it?

I did! She seemed shocked that I'm so against it and she said she couldn't understand why it was such a big deal. She also said loads of parents do it... which I don't believe. I feel like a terrible daughter but it's really not how I want to do it.

Reply 14

Plagioclase

Original post by s4ffy

She also said loads of parents do it... which I don't believe. I feel like a terrible daughter but it's really not how I want to do it.

I don't really believe it either. I don't think you're being a terrible daughter, I think you're being absolutely normal. It's really nice that your mum cares so much about you and wants you to feel safe but she also needs to understand that you're an adult now...

Reply 15

username2694491

Original post by s4ffy

It's not ideal, but it's your mother. She's probably sacrificed a lot for you and wants nothing more than to see her kid grow up into self sufficient adult who makes her proud. She's asking for a simple favour and I'm sure you can sacrifice one night? Besides worst comes to worst, crash at someone else's?

Reply 16

sleepysnooze

you're just going to have to offend her - she's offending you via this sickeningly embarrassing plan, so give her what she deserves
my parents have attempted these kinds of things in the past and sometimes in life you just can't let your parents make you their *****

Reply 17

Zayn is Bae

So basically all you dickheads would put strangers and acting 'cool' before your own mothers? It's only embarrasing if you're a insecure beta.

Reply 18

fefssdf

I'm sorry but everyone would think youre a bit of a weirdo if your mother stays with you for the night and first impressions count ...

Reply 19

Carnationlilyrose

Original post by s4ffy

Even speaking as a mum (and sounding like Andrea Leadsom for doing it :redface:

) I think this is very much not on. I doubt that the halls will let her stay anyway, if you want to go that route, and it certainly isn't the right way to start your university life. We took our son to university and had to stay overnight because it was too far to come home in one day, so we booked a hotel and made a weekend away of it. We took him out for meals, took him to the supermarket and transported the groceries home for him, and then left him to it, while we had a good time sightseeing. Can you suggest this to her? This is all going to come from fear of losing you, so big up that that won't happen, give her a timetable of how often you are going to contact her and when, and then stand your ground.