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FWB and abortion

Apologies if this posts twice but I lost connection when posting the first time so thought I would post again.

I met a guy back in March and had sex with him 3 times on a very casual basis. At the beginning of May he 'ghosted' on me. I found out I was pregnant and knew instantly I would have an abortion- the procedure was fine and I'm so relieved. I decided not to tell him I was pregnant because it seemed pointless and irrelevant. I told my parents (unavoidable due to their professional access to medical records), my uni friends and a few friends from our community (both me and the guy in question are Jewish, although he doesn't know the fellow Jews I told).

On Monday he messaged me out of the blue asking if I would like to go to his house for 'some fun'. I replied saying I can't do tonight but can do Tuesday night. Anyway, he messaged me on Tuesday asking what time I was coming over. I replied with 'tbh I've had a termination since I last saw you (it was a product of our last meeting, I genuinely don't know how it happened) and although I feel 100% fine in myself I'm still feeling very easily exhausted (bizarre considering I'm usually an insomniac)' I then sent some Beyoncé parodies which I found funny.

He replied with 'oh my! I'm pleased you're ok! Haha that is funny lol'

I asked him how he is and explained that the only people who know are my parents, my uni friends and a few fellow Jewish friends who I trust implicitly and know they haven't told anyone.

He's read the messages and hasn't replied!

Why do you think he hasn't replied?! I find it really rude tbh

Reply 1

VodkaCokeLime

Shameless bump because I need advice

Reply 2

xylas

Original post by VodkaCokeLime

Spoiler

Why did you text "tbh I've had a termination since I last saw you" ? It doesn't make sense in the context you've provided. You make it seem you are up for meeting him again on Tuesday and then on the day you bring up something like this and change your mind?

I'd be more worried about your own behaviour than whether or not he was rude afterwards!

Reply 3

Petro_99

Even if I had an abortion through an FWB, I would expect his support during the whole thing. As you both are responsible.

He`s not interested, and how can that be funny? I`d expect an are you ok/ should have contacted me and we would have dealt with it together.

Your still chasing him? He got what he wanted, and now isn`t really bothered

Reply 4

VodkaCokeLime

I told him in that context because I wanted to explain why I was too tired to go to his. I'm not really chasing him, I'm just so confused by why he hasn't even replied

Reply 5

xylas

Original post by VodkaCokeLime

I told him in that context because I wanted to explain why I was too tired to go to his. I'm not really chasing him, I'm just so confused by why he hasn't even replied

What changed between Monday when you agreed you would meet tomorrow, and Tuesday that made you 'too tired'?

Your text about a termination you had long ago does not explain that one bit. No wonder he hasn't replied, your actions don't make any sense...

Reply 6

Turquaz

Original post by VodkaCokeLime

........(both me and the guy in question are Jewish, although he doesn't know the fellow Jews I told).........

......and a few fellow Jewish friends..........

So do Jews only go out with, and share their secrets only with Jewish people?

And also what does Judaism generally say about premarital sex and abortion?

Reply 7

abcde3237

Have some self respect

Reply 8

Hopefully1

Well, frankly, I'm surprised that you even entertained the idea of going to his and felt the need to explain why you were tired. Not even knowing you were pregnant or anything else he chose to ghost you - no explanation. Did you ask him about that? You must have reached out to contact him (not about the abortion) to know that he was ghosting you. You end up having a termination and I am glad you feel okay and that you are physically okay but I'm a surprised that you'd be willing to turn around and theoretically go hook up with him again. Why has he not responded to you since Monday? Why did he ghost you from May - July?? The guy is only interested in sex. By your own description it was a very casual arrangement... you're not
available for sex...he's not interested. He's not even being a fwb. I am sorry that this happened to you but I, personally, would not consider even a friendship with this guy. Please have more self respect. Move on, find someone new. I hope you find a true relationship to be in or at least a fwb arrangement w/ a true friend. Good Luck.

Reply 9

username47781

Original post by VodkaCokeLime

I told him in that context because I wanted to explain why I was too tired to go to his. I'm not really chasing him, I'm just so confused by why he hasn't even replied

He's had what he wanted so he is not interested anymore.

Reply 10

shawtyb

this doesnt come across as a serious situation, which it is and should be treated with seriousness

Reply 11

Ladymusiclover

I don't think he understood what you meant by "tbh I've had a termination since I last saw you". I think it's best if you stopped seeing each other. Having an abortion is very serious and requires time to heal mentally and emotionally.