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Are my parents right? Is he going to drag me down? Convicted criminal & a Law student

Basically, I really really like this guy.

Problem is, he's an ex- convict. He has done 3 years in jail for drug trafficking, criminal damage and possession of weapons.

Ironically, I study Law.

My parents have told me to nip this relationship in the bud believing it just can't work. I intend to travel loads in the future to different countries. I am aware there is no way he is going to get into America and back into Australia where he lived and got deported from.

My parents said he will jeopardise my career for many reasons:

- By associating myself with a criminal they believe it's unlikely I will ever get employed. They also said there would be no chance I would ever be a judge when my partner is a criminal because it shows you can't make clear judgement in your own life.

-They also believe he is going to stop me travelling places and settling in other countries. For example, if I do commit to him it's extremely unlikely I will be able to settle in America.

-Thankfully he has a job at the minute but he's a lifeguard and I guess that doesn't pay as much money as he previously had. As a result of this my parents think that he will be dependent on me to potentially fund him in the future and therefore I can't fund all the expensive hobbies I want to do.
They said this will breed resentment on my part knowing that your partner won't meet you finically and therefore he will depend on me.

My parents only want the best for me but I'm just interested to know your viewpoint and whether you think it could work. I really really really like this guy but I don't want to sacrifice my future at the same time. I do only have one life. I just want to know if maybe you have a relationship with an ex convict and if it has worked out or other things I may need to consider.

Thank you for your answers*

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Original post by Anonymous
Basically, I really really like this guy.

Problem is, he's an ex- convict. He has done 3 years in jail for drug trafficking, criminal damage and possession of weapons.

Ironically, I study Law.

My parents have told me to nip this relationship in the bud believing it just can't work. I intend to travel loads in the future to different countries. I am aware there is no way he is going to get into America and back into Australia where he lived and got deported from.

My parents said he will jeopardise my career for many reasons:

- By associating myself with a criminal they believe it's unlikely I will ever get employed. They also said there would be no chance I would ever be a judge when my partner is a criminal because it shows you can't make clear judgement in your own life.

-They also believe he is going to stop me travelling places and settling in other countries. For example, if I do commit to him it's extremely unlikely I will be able to settle in America.

-Thankfully he has a job at the minute but he's a lifeguard and I guess that doesn't pay as much money as he previously had. As a result of this my parents think that he will be dependent on me to potentially fund him in the future and therefore I can't fund all the expensive hobbies I want to do.
They said this will breed resentment on my part knowing that your partner won't meet you finically and therefore he will depend on me.

My parents only want the best for me but I'm just interested to know your viewpoint and whether you think it could work. I really really really like this guy but I don't want to sacrifice my future at the same time. I do only have one life. I just want to know if maybe you have a relationship with an ex convict and if it has worked out or other things I may need to consider.

Thank you for your answers*


On paper it doesn't seem as if it'd work
however although i do believe what your parents do
it's your life so make sure you make the right choice right?
so if ya wanna go with him go for it
you trying to tell me you take law?

anyone with a half a brain would't needed to be told this- especially by your parents
Reply 3
Of course your parents are right! The guy got deported for his crimes. Leave him and move on; there are plenty of DECENT men out there and you'll find someone better for sure.
Reply 4
Is there no way it could work at all?

I guess I'm just trying to avoid facing reality.

Would I really not be able to get a legal job based on my choice of partner? That's extremely unfair. Your personal life is completely different to your legal life.

I do accept the fact that travelling is going to be difficult but he can travel in Europe at present (dependent on brexits impact) and if he's on his best behaviour so there is no reason for him to get flagged up.

Financially I don't mind sharing my money with someone I love. Money isn't everything. *
Well, he's young (im assuming) and made some stupid choices and made some mistakes. He has paid his debt to society and is now working to put his life back on track.

Can it work? Yes. Will it cause issues - certainly. Youre parents do raise some valid points.

Is he worth it? Thats up to you.
Reply 6
Original post by theBranicAc
you trying to tell me you take law?

anyone with a half a brain would't needed to be told this- especially by your parents


It's easier to come to that conclusion when you're not involved with the person and can see how changed they are.*

It's just hard to face the facts. *
Original post by Anonymous
It's easier to come to that conclusion when you're not involved with the person and can see how changed they are.*

It's just hard to face the facts. *


so? you want to be with someone like that which can completely tarnish your reputation? you dont need to take law to know whether it is the right decision
Reply 8
Original post by skwonc
Of course your parents are right! The guy got deported for his crimes. Leave him and move on; there are plenty of DECENT men out there and you'll find someone better for sure.


Yea, he ****ed up, big time and he was in a better place. It would be so much easier to move on if I knew he wasn't a changed person trying to get his life back together.

I just feel if I drop him it will be a kick in the face to him when he's trying to put his past behind him.

Although my parents did say his past is his past and shouldn't impact my future. *
Original post by Anonymous
Is there no way it could work at all?

I guess I'm just trying to avoid facing reality.

Would I really not be able to get a legal job based on my choice of partner? That's extremely unfair. Your personal life is completely different to your legal life.

I do accept the fact that travelling is going to be difficult but he can travel in Europe at present (dependent on brexits impact) and if he's on his best behaviour so there is no reason for him to get flagged up.

Financially I don't mind sharing my money with someone I love. Money isn't everything. *


I dont know how in depth the law system looks into your personal life when applying for a job but once you start working towards the upper echelons then certainly that wil be looked into. A judge for instance is far more political than being earned through merit.
Original post by theBranicAc
so? you want to be with someone like that which can completely tarnish your reputation? you dont need to take law to know whether it is the right decision


ANYONE can do that. Not just an ex con
Can't believe you're with this guy. Ditch him before u regret it. Your parents are right!


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by silverbolt
ANYONE can do that. Not just an ex con


Exactly.*

Plus my brother has a criminal record (didn't do jail time) so if my potential partner can impact my career and job opportunities why wouldn't a sibling?*
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Yea, he ****ed up, big time and he was in a better place. It would be so much easier to move on if I knew he wasn't a changed person trying to get his life back together.

I just feel if I drop him it will be a kick in the face to him when he's trying to put his past behind him.

Although my parents did say his past is his past and shouldn't impact my future. *


like you said, you only have one life so there's no point dawdling about with an ex-convict when you could be dating in uni/workplace etc etc and finding a quality man. you have to do what's best for you, not your sympathy towards him. i would definitely say to finish your ting with him and move on.
Original post by PrincessPB
Can't believe you're with this guy. Ditch him before u regret it. Your parents are right!


Posted from TSR Mobile


I don't expect you to understand at all. It's such a personal thing.*

It's hard to accept his past when I didn't know him before it. I know him as he is now and he's trying to hard to move forward. He is so ashamed of the crimes he committed.

*
This is funny. Everyone is acting like they havent done a crime in their life?

The guy you like wont be involved in your professional life. Nobody needs to know he is an ex convict. Everybody is being way too harsh here.

Findig a job will be a big difficulty for him (but not impossible as eventually someone will see past this guys past and hire him for who he really is as a person, his skills and experience) but if money isnt an issue then I dont see a big deal in my opinion. If you really can see a future with him and love him then whats the problem?

People make mistakes.

As long as you can really see that he is attempting to change is life and habits then you should be okay. Obviously, anybody would be skeptical even associating with an ex convict. However, get to know him more - maybe for a few months at least. See what his personality and habits are like now. Get to know his friends and find out what they do. You know? Don't just dive straight into a relationship with this guy.

All I'm saying is, his past shouldn't affect your future (if he has changed) and if this guy is really caring, sweet, and kind to you and makes you happy then it would be silly dumping him because he is a convict. I can understand your parents p.o.v though and good luck in whatever decision you make.
(edited 7 years ago)
Some of your parents points are valid but not the one about it hindering your career because it will show you have poor judgement :tongue:
Original post by Anonymous
Basically, I really really like this guy.

Problem is, he's an ex- convict. He has done 3 years in jail for drug trafficking, criminal damage and possession of weapons.

Ironically, I study Law.

My parents have told me to nip this relationship in the bud believing it just can't work. I intend to travel loads in the future to different countries. I am aware there is no way he is going to get into America and back into Australia where he lived and got deported from.

My parents said he will jeopardise my career for many reasons:

- By associating myself with a criminal they believe it's unlikely I will ever get employed. They also said there would be no chance I would ever be a judge when my partner is a criminal because it shows you can't make clear judgement in your own life.

-They also believe he is going to stop me travelling places and settling in other countries. For example, if I do commit to him it's extremely unlikely I will be able to settle in America.

-Thankfully he has a job at the minute but he's a lifeguard and I guess that doesn't pay as much money as he previously had. As a result of this my parents think that he will be dependent on me to potentially fund him in the future and therefore I can't fund all the expensive hobbies I want to do.
They said this will breed resentment on my part knowing that your partner won't meet you finically and therefore he will depend on me.

My parents only want the best for me but I'm just interested to know your viewpoint and whether you think it could work. I really really really like this guy but I don't want to sacrifice my future at the same time. I do only have one life. I just want to know if maybe you have a relationship with an ex convict and if it has worked out or other things I may need to consider.

Thank you for your answers*


No no no no... Bad news.

Forget about him, really. He'll bring you nothing but trouble. Do you really want to be associated with an ex-convict and the hassle? The justice system is very lenient in this country so if he's been in jail his crimes must have been quite serious
Original post by sameehaiqbal
This is funny. Everyone is acting like they havent done a crime in their life?




yeah everyones trafficked drugs, carried a weapon and caused criminal damage right? lmao.
Original post by STEMisSuperior.
yeah everyones trafficked drugs, carried a weapon and caused criminal damage right? lmao.


You're missing my point.

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