Cheating on your partner- is it ever okay?

I've always thought that cheating is never acceptable and told myself that if anyone ever cheated on me (even just kissing/flirting with someone else) I would break up with them immediately. However, I recently watched a TED talk on the topic by Esther Perel and now I'm not sure if I hold the same opinion.

So, do you believe that affairs only ruin relationships or can provide an opportunity to examine what's not working in the relationship and empower them to change those things for the better?

I think it would be interesting if everyone stated their opinion on affairs before and after watching the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q

(edited 7 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Helloagain1

How i see it is that if your partner can't provide you with something that would make you happy, you should look elsewhere. Like how can your girl be like you can't cheat but then again she cant do the same what another girl is willing to.... come on mate.

Reply 2

smegsxo

I think it can show what isn't working and the strongest couples can get through it if they really really try hard. But to me, regardless of if we have issues, it's NEVER okay to cheat.
If we've tried to fix things and it isn't working, break up with me. Don't cheat.
But that's just my opinion and I'm sure many will hold different ones.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

username2244141

Rather than cheat just say what's wrong?????

Reply 4

TreeFellOnMe

No, if you cheat you're a disgusting person and you deserve everything bad that is coming to you. A relationship takes effort to maintain, you can't just go ****ing walk out when there's something you don't like, make it work or terminate it before you emotionally stab their guts out.

Reply 5

wildleaves

She wasn't justifying cheating. The vid shoudn't change your opinion on it.

Reply 6

SmileyVibe

No. If its not an open relationship then there should be no kissing or touching any person who isn't the person your in a current relationship with. If a person was truly in a happy relationship then they wouldn't feel the need to cheat on their partner.

Reply 7

Andy98

It's not OK, however, sometimes it is done by accident. In those circumstances i think it can be worked through.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 8

Bang Outta Order

Original post by Andy98

It's not OK, however, sometimes it is done by accident. In those circumstances i think it can be worked through.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

Andy98

Original post by 0to100

For example, when you're too pissed to know who you are

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 10

Bang Outta Order

Original post by Andy98

For example, when you're too pissed to know who you are

Posted from TSR Mobile

Was hoping you wouldn't say that. That's not a mistake, that's carelessness, recklessness, someone who can't control themselves with liquor and probably not without it either to get that pissed...I've been blathered out my face and don't just go round sticking my nob in the wrong hole :laugh:

Reply 11

username1294428

No. Either way it's not okay.

If you know that you and your partner are clearly not working, there's something missing between the two of you or you simply cannot be who they want or the other way round, then you leave and look for the "right person". You shouldn't do that while still in the relationship or simply shouldn't cheat to see if something isn't working out.

If something isn't working then that shouldn't be an open door to unfaithfulness and hurting the other

Reply 12

Andy98

Original post by 0to100

I'd say the getting that drunk is reckless, but what happens while you are that drunk is a mistake.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 13

Mrs House

Original post by Andy98

I'd say the getting that drunk is reckless, but what happens while you are that drunk is a mistake.

Posted from TSR Mobile

People get drunk all the time. It's not an excuse to cheat. What happens if they get drunk a further 10 times, is that ok too?

Reply 14

Emily.97

No no no. Cheating is never justified- if you don't think the relationship is working , sort it out with your partner and communicate or leave.

Reply 15

Emily.97

Original post by Andy98

It's not OK, however, sometimes it is done by accident. In those circumstances i think it can be worked through.

Posted from TSR Mobile

What an idiotic comment. You use getting drunk as an example, but the individual is in control when they start drinking and they know full well that the more they drink, the more intoxicated they will get. If they then cheat that's a direct result of that decision so it doesn't make their behaviour a mistake or accidental.

Reply 16

Rakas21

Original post by goam

Cheating is an act of disloyalty. If we take the end goal of any relationship at this stage in my life to be finding a woman that i view worthy of producing my heirs then disloyalty is a blood red line, it is not a trait that my children will be taught.

Original post by Andy98

For example, when you're too pissed to know who you are

Posted from TSR Mobile

You'd view a woman with so little self discipline as somebody that was worthy of being with you?

Reply 17

Mutmit287

Original post by goam

Its never ok to cheat, but I do feel when it was done by accident/unintentionally it can be forgiven. For example...

If my partner outrightly went behind my back for weeks texting random girls, deleting their texts and numbers from his phone, then met up with them and things went further, he purposfully cheated and this planned cheating shows they have no respect for the partner or the relationship and it should be ended.

On the other hand, say your partner went out on a night out with friends, got very drunk and another girl came onto him and kissed him, nothing went further, although I would be hurt I could forgive that, because although he kissed her, he didnt intend to do it, nor did he have any feelings to detray me or want to take it further.

I have been through the second scenario a good few months ago and it truly hurt me at the time (didnt help that we were long distance also), but through talking and working through the issues behind the drinking and making compromises to suit the relationship we have come out of it stronger than we were before. I cant say it doesnt hurt me sometimes but I know deep down he had no intention.

Reply 18

donte

YES ITS OKAY. ITS PERFECTLY FINE.

Spoiler

Reply 19

Mutmit287

Original post by Emily.97

not neccesarily in control of their behavoir. Some people have issues they are not willing to discuss openly, and some people cannot physically know when their limit is. I have seen people who I would normally class as a heavyweight on a night out after having less than usual be on the floor, it depends on many factors. For some people peer pressure is a thing, and many get spiked so it can be done without intention.

The thing is just because they got themselves that drunk doesnt mean they ever intended to cheat, or ever would normally, a lot of times people this drunk are taken advantage of and end up being kissed and because they are so drunk they dont know how to react or even what is going on. Drinking is not a great excuse, but you cannot say just because they got that drunk means they cheated on purpose because that is never the case with this situation, and trust me, it happens a lot more often than people let on...