How can I get over this?

Around 5 months ago I broke up with my gf. We were together for 3 years. It was a messy and bad break up.

After the breakup, I didn't everything you can imagine that I should not do. I pleaded and begged her, constantly messaged her, etc. I became desperate and perhaps obsessed.

The breakup really tore me up and my life very quickly went into a whirlwind of pain and depression.

She cut me off completely from everywhere and I was suffering from anxiety and depression. About 6 weeks ago i gave up and decided I wasn't going to contact her again and so it's been 6 weeks NO CONTACT.

I still feel sad and I miss her everyday. I cry from time to time about her. I know I will never forget her and this pain will always stay with me.

What hurts me more is she moved on so quickly and easily and I couldn't, and I still am damaged by this whole experience.

It really took away all my confidence and if took me months to want to get out of my room and try and live life again.

I will never see her again and that's a sad thought. It was a bad breakup and that hurts more.

I should feel better now but i am not. When will this get easier for me?

I have been trying to stay busy, working a lot to try and keep my mind occupied to prevent thinking about her.

But it just feels like I am running away from my pain and I am avoiding it.

I feel like I am running in circles and I don't feel much motivation in life.

What advice would you give to me?

Reply 1

Tiger Rag

It will get easier with time. Have you tried talking to someone?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Tiger Rag

It will get easier with time. Have you tried talking to someone?

I guess time does heal wounds. I have, yes. In the early stages of the breakup I would always talk about her to my friends but after a few months I stopped because I felt I was going in circles.

I do see a therapist every 2-3 weeks and I do a CBT thingy with her.

But I just feel like I'm not over her and I will never be for a long time, I miss her every day and I still feel miserable daily.

It's a long and slow process :/

Reply 3

Emily.97

You have to give it time unfortunately. There's no easy way through a break up. And it's okay to do other things and distract yourself- it doesn't mean you're ignoring what you're going through. It's obviously a very powerful part of your life right now and you are acknowledging how you're feeling.
Well done for the decision to stop contact- that was definitely a good move. Retaining contact just prevents wounds from healing, it makes things worse. It's about acknowledging that in the grand scheme of things there is so much more to life that you can get fulfillment from, and its about accepting that this is the end. But it does take time. Try not to isolate yourself too much, try to talk about it with someone you trust but not too much.

Reply 4

jamesthehustler

Original post by Anonymous

the same method I took when I was involved in a breakup
vodka lots and lots of vodka

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Emily.97

Yeah I know :/. It just feels like I am ignoring it and constantly running away from it but I don't know.
I wish I started the no contact sooner, I spent 3 months begging her basically which I really regret now.

I just feel really sad that she is no longer in my life and I will never see or hear from her again. It scares me to be honest.
Yeah, I talk about it with my best friend when I'm feeling really low, but in general, I try to not talk about it as it just upsets me.

Reply 6

username1726117

My ex girlfriend of four years broke up with me. A year later I still feel the pain.

It's not an easy road to travel on, but it does get easier. No contact, not looking at photos etc goes a long way in the healing process and I do recommend it.

But most importantly; give yourself a chance. If you were a loving partner who opened their heart to this girl, your healing will be a whirlwind of emotions. Cut yourself some lack and understand that this is completely normal.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I'm sorry about that. I know it definitely isn't easy. It's my first breakup ever too so it feels pretty bad. I am on nc and I haven't put away any photos of us so I can't see them. I want to cry when I see her photo somewhere, it really puts me in a bad state.

Yeah it is a whirlwind of emotions. It's normal yes but it feels awful and I feel like this has damaged me and even my confidence in myself.

I feel like I will never find another girl like her again. I don't want to continue feeling like this. 5 months already and I still feel pain and think about it daily.

I know it's just a breakup but it feels like my whole world is upside down and I feel emptiness.

Reply 8

emobambam

I don't think breakups ever get easier. The only thing that will help is time and maybe a new girlfriend

Reply 9

username1726117

I've got your back mate. Drop me a private message if you ever need a friend. :smile:

Reply 10

CorpusLuteum

Original post by Anonymous

Around 5 months ago I broke up with my gf. We were together for 3 years. It was a messy and bad break up. After the breakup, I didn't everything you can imagine that I should not do. I pleaded and begged her, constantly messaged her, etc. I became desperate and perhaps obsessed. The breakup really tore me up and my life very quickly went into a whirlwind of pain and depression. She cut me off completely from everywhere and I was suffering from anxiety and depression. About 6 weeks ago i gave up and decided I wasn't going to contact her again and so it's been 6 weeks NO CONTACT. I still feel sad and I miss her everyday. I cry from time to time about her. I know I will never forget her and this pain will always stay with me. What hurts me more is she moved on so quickly and easily and I couldn't, and I still am damaged by this whole experience. It really took away all my confidence and if took me months to want to get out of my room and try and live life again. I will never see her again and that's a sad thought. It was a bad breakup and that hurts more. I should feel better now but i am not. When will this get easier for me? I have been trying to stay busy, working a lot to try and keep my mind occupied to prevent thinking about her. But it just feels like I am running away from my pain and I am avoiding it. I feel like I am running in circles and I don't feel much motivation in life. What advice would you give to me?

Well, with these situations, it takes more than a month or two to get by.

And a good way to really get her off your chest is to develop a love for yourself - to recognise that the only person worth of your attachment is you and you shouldn't be depending on love to rescue you from this.

Meditate. Do things that make you feel good about yourself - flirt with yourself and laugh at how cringey you're being. I find that making myself laugh makes me a lot more content with me. Put yourself first.

Hang out with your friends andwhatever you do, don't revisit memories in your head or else where. As soon as you begin remembering her start to think of something else or block the thought one way or another. Don't let her seep into your day to day business.

Be grateful for little things in your life and try to accomplish something be it small or big. Save up money so you don't feel broke. Save up money for charity also, give to people.

Aspire to make a difference and don't try to fit into the crowd. This is a big chance to be a new you. This girl is a mere thought and it's a good thing she blocked you and you should do the same. Simply because you can now recover and love yourself more than you love anyone else. Stop being a sheep and start being a Shepard. You can do it. We all can.