is it shallow to reject someone on looks

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No... just cuz you're in a friendship w/ them does not mean you want to be more than friends. The fact that you're their friend should be enough instead of them expecting something. Plus, why build a friendship w/ a person you couldn't have? Its like the person was setting themselves up from the beginning with high exceptions and messages they wanted to believe.

Oh,yeah. No one is obligated to date someone b/c they're friends w/ them. If the guy doesn't share the values you like in a guy why get involved w/ him out of guilt?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 61

XxKingSniprxX

Original post by upperechelon

so if someone you knew really well and liked spending time with asked you out, and you said no, because you are not physically attracted to them, you aren't shallow right? isn't that the defining difference between a friend and a potential lover? it doesn't make you a bad person does it?

Banter!

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 62

XxKingSniprxX

Original post by upperechelon

Also I am quite into health and fitness etc, and would like someone who similarly likes to take care of their body. He does not share this ethos of mine

In other words, you want a guy that lifts. :dumbells:

If you want a guy that lifts, there are similar same standards you have to live up to yourself such as working out
yourself to also meal prepping etc.

Its a 2-way street imo. :moon:

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 63

sarkrista112

I only require long hair, a beard and minimum one testicle.

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Reply 64

slade p

Original post by Atlas Thugged

I have a friend who was given a 70k car before they could drive, a shift in Tesco's doesn't exactly cover that :rofl:

I'm not trying to be nasty, but if I were overweight or ugly and said to my mum why can't I get girls, she should tell me it's because I'm fat and I would use that as motivation to lose weight. My mind is blown that I'm having this conversation with someone.

Also I am a feminist and these things are not mutually exclusive.

You're a guy and a feminist, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Reply 65

slade p

No its not shallow, people reject others for many reasons. Looks is a basic aspect of attraction. Its only shallow if your standards in looks are really high.

Reply 66

upperechelon

Original post by XxKingSniprxX

In other words, you want a guy that lifts. :dumbells:

If you want a guy that lifts, there are similar same standards you have to live up to yourself such as working out
yourself to also meal prepping etc.

Its a 2-way street imo. :moon:

Not really to be honest. I go running every other day and I do like to watch what I eat, but I don't only want a 'guy that lifts.' Just someone who exercises with some element of fitness and isn't sitting in a computer chair all day

Reply 67

miser

It's not nice to be rejected for the way you look, but it's unavoidable that not everyone will find your looks attractive. Unlike wealth or social status, being attracted to someone's looks is a fairly necessary component of a healthy relationship, so you shouldn't feel bad about what happened - it's not your fault you can't have a relationship with him.

Reply 68

Andy98

Original post by upperechelon

All I know is it hurts like hell to get rejected on looks alone. I guess it's slightly shallow because I'd say it's the romantic attraction that makes the difference. If I fancy the pants off someone it's usually what's inside, not the appearance

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Reply 69

Andy98

Original post by upperechelon

So basically you don't someone who'll end up working in an office with computers?

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Reply 70

NHM

Attraction is practically the key to a relationship! But personalities can also be attractive!

Reply 71

upperechelon

Original post by Andy98

So basically you don't someone who'll end up working in an office with computers?

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You can work in an office and still find time to take care of your health. I meant as in sitting playing games all day and not doing exercise

Reply 72

PossiblyNotGod

Original post by upperechelon

You can work in an office and still find time to take care of your health. I meant as in sitting playing games all day and not doing exercise

I roll from my pc desk to my weight bench and back again.

Reply 73

lucabrasi98

Original post by Atlas Thugged

That's retarded, you could easily say the same to guys who refuse to get with chubby girls.

Tbh i disagree with your analogy. If they're chubby/fat then they can do something about it. The fact that they don't shows that they're either lazy or they don't care enough. And I'm not attracted to that.

Original post by Anonymous

So help him...? Go gym together. Nothing gets you more stimulated than exercising. Actually you know what? Just reject him lol.He deserves better. No one is perfect.

Why would i have to waste my time fixing someone else when i can find someone else who isn't over weight and also has a good personality?

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 74

Atlas Thugged

Original post by miser

The man from Japan. :ninja:

Reply 75

username2379043

Original post by Anonymous

Your comment is retarded. I have been with chubby girls, girls with acne etc. I love someones spirit and personality which leads me to being physically and sexually attracted to them.. (obviously not at first sight, but it grew). If you don't give them a chance based on how they look or how they dress..then that is shallow. Same as if you reject someone based on their race or economic background. Just saying man.

Wtf, that's your business. If you wanna date fat chicks with acne that's down to you :rolleyes:

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Reply 76

Anonymous #1

Original post by Jazzy97

Wtf, that's your business. If you wanna date fat chicks with acne that's down to you :rolleyes:

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I responded to his ignorant comment where he plays out like as if all guys are shallow as well like OP. Why comment lol? Added no value what so ever into the discussion.

Reply 77

username2379043

Original post by Anonymous

I responded to his ignorant comment where he plays out like as if all guys are shallow as well like OP. Why comment lol? Added no value what so ever into the discussion.

Because I found the comment you made, unappealing. Applauding your need to help people aside, I don't agree with the point you were making, so I commented.

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Reply 78

silverbolt

Original post by Anonymous

No that is shallow. How would you feel if you were rejected based on how you look? Physical attraction isn't everything, love grows and you become attracted to them physically later on in the relationship.

oh please. People get rejected on how they look every damn day of the week. Get over it.

We like we like, its human nature

Reply 79

Eywn370

“Isn’t that the defining difference between a friend and a potential lover?” No; romantic relationships are more than just sexual friendships. The defining difference between a lover and a friend is that you (eventually) share an entire life with your lover. Lovers should become far more important to each other than any friend can be, which wouldn’t make sense if attraction were the only difference. You should love your partner enough to always exclusively put them first–as if they are the most important half of your own self–which also wouldn’t make sense if attraction were the only difference, and wouldn’t be possible if anyone else were equal to them because it’d create a conflict of interests. Assuming you have no children, of course.

Lovers depend on each other more than friends should, because as life partners, any decision either of you makes affects the other. This also gives you some measure of rightful authority over each other. Many couples even lose their attraction over time, or their attraction comes and goes, but the fundamental nature of their dynamic doesn’t change. The emotional/psychological aspects of their relationship outgrow the physical aspects and become far more important to them. There are more boundaries between friends than there are between lovers, because friends live almost entirely separate lives. Even if two friends tried to “live as a sexless couple”, this would prevent them from forming full romantic relationships with others; they would essentially become a married couple that just never has sex.

Why do you think losing a lover typically hurts so much more than losing a friend does? Again, this wouldn’t make sense if attraction were the only difference.

Physical attraction can even stem from mental/emotional attraction, yet most people who have experienced this have never lusted after our closest friends. Even “demisexuals” rarely lust for our friends. This further proves that the psychological bond between lovers differs from that between friends, and why we should open our minds to falling in love with people we aren’t physically attracted to. Getting to know the person even better may change the way you feel about their appearance. Falling in love with “ugly” men has made them less ugly to me; I still saw the way they look, but their images came to represent something special to me. Humans find certain things “beautiful” and “ugly” because of their positive or negative associations. Seeing those pimpled faces and scrawny bodies excited me because I knew they were attached to someone who makes me feel good in the most special ways.

We cannot always choose our tastes, but we can always choose to look beyond the surface. If you’re going to reject someone, let it be for lack of mental/emotional capability, then you can rightfully “friendzone” them.

(edited 1 month ago)