Girlfriend invited to stay at male acquaintances house

My girlfriend recently went on holiday, and as you do on holiday, met lots of people. I knew she was going to be in clubs etc and talking to guys, I'm fine with that, I trust her and know she wouldn't cheat on me.

After she got back I saw a message - didn't go through her phone, it just popped up when I was next to it - from a guy saying how nice it was to meet her etc. I was a little suspicious so I asked her about him (without mentioning the message) and she dismissed the conversation pretty quickly and was very vague (I think I'd remember the name of someone I received a message from a few hours earlier?)

A day or so later I had a quick look at the conversation (I know, I know, I feel bad), and after exchanging a few pleasantries, he said it would be good to meet up if she was ever in his part of the country, she said the same back. He then invited her to come and stay at his on the other side of the country. She didn't reply, but he was only really reiterating his previously made invitation.

What bothers me, is that through all of this, there was no mention that she has a boyfriend, either explicitly or by implication. From my perspective, it seems like she wants to keep her options open to see him again should things not work out between us.

Am I justified in feeling let down/ betrayed? How do I bring this up, as this is information I found out by looking through the conversation?

tl;dr Girlfriend invited to stay at guys house she met in a club, didn't say no, didn't say she has a bf.

Reply 1

username1292215

Bring it up and be honest. If she gets angry at you because you went through her phone that means she is hiding something imo.

Reply 2

maggie43

Original post by Anonymous

Talk to her about it. She's being a bit sneaky

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

999tigger

Original post by SuperHuman98

Bring it up and be honest. If she gets angry at you because you went through her phone that means she is hiding something imo.

Or some people consider going through someoen elses phone a dumpable offence and invasion of privacy.

OP if you need to bring it up, then go for it, but no good will come of it and she will resent you for it. Enjoy.

Run

It was wrong of you to go through her phone unless that's the agreement you have and you can casually do it, but she's shady. Break up and start again with someone else.

Reply 6

elmosandy

Original post by Atlas Thugged

It was wrong of you to go through her phone unless that's the agreement you have and you can casually do it, but she's shady. Break up and start again with someone else.

It is wrong of him to go through the phone but still I think what's she's doing is more wrong than him.

Reply 7

Emily.97

I can understand why you feel this way - I'd be uncomfortable if I was in your shoes.
I find it odd that she hasn't brought it up with you- it's quite a big thing to go and stay at some ones house, and in a relationship you do share things with each other.

Any way - she isn't going to be happy that you looked through her phone, but it's obv a conversation that needs to be had because it's been on your mind.

Reply 8

Xellah

If she's met this guy in person, she could easily have told him about you then. She could well just be replying to be polite, and not telling you as it would cause upset and stress to you both for something quite innocent. Can't see telling her you've been snooping on her private conversations going down too well either.

Reply 9

Atlas Thugged

Original post by elmosandy

It is wrong of him to go through the phone but still I think what's she's doing is more wrong than him.

I agree, which is why breaking up is the only option.

Reply 10

AndrewSCO

I don't blame him for going through the phone. If you saw something that looked suspicious and you want proof/peace of mind then most people will do it if they get the chance

Reply 11

an_atheist

As a couple of others have said, talk to her about it. Then judge what you should do next by her reaction to being asked directly about it. Obviously if she gets unreasonably angry about it then dump and move on, She is acting pretty shady, but she might not want to actually see him. Talk to her about it.
She does have the right to get angry about you going through her phone, but if you can explain well enough why you did you should be off the hook this time.

Reply 12

999tigger

Original post by an_atheist

but if you can explain well enough why you did you should be off the hook this time.

There are some people who will bother less, but others who will take it as an invasion of privacy and a dumpable offence. Its clearly a sign of mistrust and she isnt oing to appreciate that whether or not anything was going on.

Reply 13

an_atheist

Original post by 999tigger

She clearly didnt want to talk to him about this guy, nor did she mention the fact he invited her to visit him on the other side of the country. Which is suspicious and to me is enough justification to warrant looking at the rest of the conversation.
But if you look at how she responded to the invitation though. She didnt say yes, but she also didnt say no or mention the fact she is already in a relationship. Which makes this something worth confronting her about to my mind.

Reply 14

999tigger

Original post by an_atheist

Confront away and it will mean end of relationship now or in the not too distant future imo.

Trust your gut.

Original post by Antediluvian

Run

5k in 20 minutes should solve OP's problems

Reply 17

insert-username

On one hand she wont be happy if you reveal you went through her phone, especially when there's no concrete proof that she's cheating or contemplating cheating. It could be that she was just exchanging pleasantries. Her saying "me too" when he suggested meeting up doesn't really mean anything, its what most people would say in that situation. Like saying to a friend "lets get together this summer!" when you dont actually plan to do so. There's a reason's she's ignored his invitation to his house twice.That said, I do think it's quite dishonest if she hasn't made it clear that she has a boyfriend. I doubt this other guy knows she does because It's unlikely he would have been inviting her to his house if he knew she was with another guy. So like others have suggested, it sounds like she was trying to keep her options open by not revealing she's already in a relationship. That says A LOT about her and about the status of your relationship. To me, the entire point of being in a relationship is a decision to commit to that person. A healthy relationship = love + commitment. Either way, you don't actually know what her thoughts are. Its understandable why your vague suspicions make you uncomfortable and upset but that's all they are for now, vague suspicious. Confronting her about it and revealing you invaded her privacy may make the entire situation worse than it needs to be. The only thing that should warrant confronting her is if her behaviour towards you has genuinly changed, if she's acting strange or secretive etc. Then that warrants confronting her, but right now from all that you've said that's not the case.Tl;dr, stop being insecure. If she hasn't changed then there's nothing to worry about. Don't go making a neutral situation worse for no reason if it turns out she was just being friendly/nice to this other guy.

Reply 18

Virgil.

Original post by Anonymous

ofc she not gonna mention she has bf. Women love attention. They want as muhc attention as they can possible get. She tells the guy she has a bf, and the guy will likely stop giving her attention.

My gf has done the same. had guys message her, and its clear guy is interested in her, and athough she hasnt flirted or reciporcated interest, she also hasnt mentioned she has a bf. Doesnt necessarily mean too much though, as I know my gf wouldnt cheat on me because of her upbringing and morals.

Dont confront her on it yet, as doesnt seem lik she's done anything wrong ye. Just wait and give her time to respond to his message, and she what her response it. Then you can react accordingly.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 19

999tigger

Original post by Virgil.

Have to agree . Dont think she has done anything wrong. Lots of people are making assumptions about her. Not saying you have a bf doesnt amount to cheating or leading someone on. Pretending you dont have one of asked is a different matter. the Op simply doesnt know what went on if anything, the guy could just be being sociable or he may be trying it on, can't say.

Trust her or dont trust her, she will make her own mind up. If you trust people then you have to be big enough to know soemtimes it might go wrong. That doesnt mean you should trust someone you claim to be in a relationship without much better evidence than what the OP has.