I told him no but he did it anyway... is it rape or was i just too weak ? (gay)

I've recently been experimenting with my sexuality, i met this guy he's 28 and I'm 18. I made it abundantly clear i wasn't just going to hook up with a guy just to cross it off of my bucket list but rather wanted to build a meaningful friendship or maybe even a relationship. We were kissing and messing about, I then explicitly told him i wasn't ready to engage in full sex and then we just kept kissing about 10 minutes later he got on top of me, i told him i didn't like it and wanted him to stop and actually started to physically push him off of me but he didn't stop. It also doesnt help that he's like 6'7 and quite big while I'm 5'6 and quite slender. Whenever he invites me over its late and i'm starting to feel like he only ever wanted me for sex and actually has no other interest in me. I'm not gonna try to play the victim or cry rape because he really does seem like such a nice guy but i don't like feeling taken advantage of. I guess i could have been more assertive but i was just a little overwhelmed. I'm typically quite a conservative (not super religious but spiritual) person so this was really new to me and now I'm just starting to feel so guilty and regret everything. I feel like I've gone off guys and I'm now only really interested in girls.

Sorry for the long winded post but i need opinions.

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Reply 1

SimonN1504

Dude, I don't care whether he's actually a really nice guy. It doesn't even matter that this is in a gay context. You specifically said no, repeatedly, but he forced himself upon him. I think you need to a serious think about whether or not you want to carry seeing this guy, even if it is at the moment in just a friendship way. Is it healthy? Are you enjoying being with him. If no, then you're going to have to end it with him. If you decide to stay on with him, have a chat with him, but nothing confrontational. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable about what happened.First things first, you've got to think about yourself here.

Reply 2

mercuryman

you got raped bro. :frown:

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

Drunk Punx

How is that not rape? :lolwut:

Dude, go the police.

Reply 4

#JOSH45#

Original post by Drunk Punx

How is that not rape? :lolwut:

Dude, go the police.

Original post by SimonN1504

The reason why i suggested that it wasn't rape , was because number 1 , i really don't think i was assertive enough and i just felt a bit scared and number 2 it could have all just been down to miscommunication. But i wanted to know how other people would interpret that before i went to talk to him about how i felt to see if i was just being overly sensitive.

Reply 5

maggie43

Original post by #JOSH45#

I've recently been experimenting with my sexuality, i met this guy he's 28 and I'm 18. I made it abundantly clear i wasn't just going to hook up with a guy just to cross it off of my bucket list but rather wanted to build a meaningful friendship or maybe even a relationship. We were kissing and messing about, he tried to put it in but i then explicitly told him i wasn't ready to engage in full sex and then we just kept kissing about 10 minutes later he got on top of me and put it in, i told him i didn't like it and wanted him to stop and actually started to physically push him off of me but he didn't stop. It also doesnt help that he's like 6'7 and quite big while I'm 5'6 and quite slender. Whenever he invites me over its late and i'm starting to feel like he only ever wanted me for sex and actually has no other interest in me. I'm not gonna try to play the victim or cry rape because he really does seem like such a nice guy but i don't like feeling taken advantage of. I guess i could have been more assertive but i was just a little overwhelmed. I'm typically quite a conservative (not super religious but spiritual) person so this was really new to me and now I'm just starting to feel so guilty and regret everything. I feel like I've gone off guys and I'm now only really interested in girls.

Sorry for the long winded post but i need opinions.

You should have started screaming.. Oh you hit his balls.

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Reply 6

MrsSheldonCooper

You told him twice that you didn't want sex and he still did it. Do two things,

1) Dump his ass
2) Call the police.

Reply 7

Fabs113

i think it would count as rape. Even if you didn't come off as being assertive when you told him to stop, he should've taken the hint and actually stopped. i agree that you should tell him you felt uncomfortable, it would perhaps better the situation.

Reply 8

limadima

No = No
Maybe = No
Yes = Yes
No answer = No

It cant be that difficult, no matter who it is..

Reply 9

Drunk Punx

Original post by #JOSH45#

Nuh-uh, you're blaming yourself here, and that's so very wrong.

You only need to say no once. If he doesn't listen to you, then the responsibility for what happens lies solely with him, not you.

Reply 10

Philosopher77

Oh that's rape allright. Call the cops, the guy's old enough to know better, AND they'll rape him in prison (they don't treat nonces well) so problem solved in that case.

Reply 11

Philosopher77

Original post by Drunk Punx

Nuh-uh, you're blaming yourself here, and that's so very wrong.

You only need to say no once. If he doesn't listen to you, then the responsibility for what happens lies solely with him, not you.

No you don't need to say "no" once because he might not hear it. Intention is waht counts dummy. But this guy covered his bases.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by #JOSH45#

I've recently been experimenting with my sexuality, i met this guy he's 28 and I'm 18. I made it abundantly clear i wasn't just going to hook up with a guy just to cross it off of my bucket list but rather wanted to build a meaningful friendship or maybe even a relationship. We were kissing and messing about, he tried to put it in but i then explicitly told him i wasn't ready to engage in full sex and then we just kept kissing about 10 minutes later he got on top of me and put it in, i told him i didn't like it and wanted him to stop and actually started to physically push him off of me but he didn't stop. It also doesnt help that he's like 6'7 and quite big while I'm 5'6 and quite slender. Whenever he invites me over its late and i'm starting to feel like he only ever wanted me for sex and actually has no other interest in me. I'm not gonna try to play the victim or cry rape because he really does seem like such a nice guy but i don't like feeling taken advantage of. I guess i could have been more assertive but i was just a little overwhelmed. I'm typically quite a conservative (not super religious but spiritual) person so this was really new to me and now I'm just starting to feel so guilty and regret everything. I feel like I've gone off guys and I'm now only really interested in girls.

Sorry for the long winded post but i need opinions.

Is your boyfriend gay as well?

Reply 13

Eternalflames

You poor thing :frown:

Please go no contact with him as soon as possible

Reply 14

Ciel.

Original post by #JOSH45#

I've recently been experimenting with my sexuality, i met this guy he's 28 and I'm 18. I made it abundantly clear i wasn't just going to hook up with a guy just to cross it off of my bucket list but rather wanted to build a meaningful friendship or maybe even a relationship. We were kissing and messing about, he tried to put it in but i then explicitly told him i wasn't ready to engage in full sex and then we just kept kissing about 10 minutes later he got on top of me and put it in, i told him i didn't like it and wanted him to stop and actually started to physically push him off of me but he didn't stop. It also doesnt help that he's like 6'7 and quite big while I'm 5'6 and quite slender. Whenever he invites me over its late and i'm starting to feel like he only ever wanted me for sex and actually has no other interest in me. I'm not gonna try to play the victim or cry rape because he really does seem like such a nice guy but i don't like feeling taken advantage of. I guess i could have been more assertive but i was just a little overwhelmed. I'm typically quite a conservative (not super religious but spiritual) person so this was really new to me and now I'm just starting to feel so guilty and regret everything. I feel like I've gone off guys and I'm now only really interested in girls.

Sorry for the long winded post but i need opinions.

What a loser. Definitely rape, sorry this has happened to you.

Reply 15

Philosopher77

Original post by Ciel.

What a loser. Definitely rape, sorry this has happened to you.

He's not a loser, but he will be if the guy decides to call the cops. Nobody likes this sort of stuff.

Reply 16

Philosopher77

Key is that you don't try to justify it in any way. You weren't ready, but you were dealt a hand of cards. You need to do the right thing. Only you can answer that, but you need to answer honestly, irrespective of how hard it is.

Reply 17

username1539513

Original post by #JOSH45#

I've recently been experimenting with my sexuality, i met this guy he's 28 and I'm 18. I made it abundantly clear i wasn't just going to hook up with a guy just to cross it off of my bucket list but rather wanted to build a meaningful friendship or maybe even a relationship. We were kissing and messing about, he tried to put it in but i then explicitly told him i wasn't ready to engage in full sex and then we just kept kissing about 10 minutes later he got on top of me and put it in, i told him i didn't like it and wanted him to stop and actually started to physically push him off of me but he didn't stop. It also doesnt help that he's like 6'7 and quite big while I'm 5'6 and quite slender. Whenever he invites me over its late and i'm starting to feel like he only ever wanted me for sex and actually has no other interest in me. I'm not gonna try to play the victim or cry rape because he really does seem like such a nice guy but i don't like feeling taken advantage of. I guess i could have been more assertive but i was just a little overwhelmed. I'm typically quite a conservative (not super religious but spiritual) person so this was really new to me and now I'm just starting to feel so guilty and regret everything. I feel like I've gone off guys and I'm now only really interested in girls.

Sorry for the long winded post but i need opinions.

Yes, all sex done without consent is rape. You clearly said no and he went away and did it regardless. How long ago was this? Don't shower or wash if it was recent, like within the past few days or so, you will need evidence if you take it to the police. Please take it to the police, it was rape what he did

Reply 18

Vav Sartrean Po

I'm sorry, but that's rape. Report it as soon as possible and press charges. Just because you see him as a "nice guy" doesn't stop him for forcing himself onto others in the future. You take a little bit of emotional pain now, but think of how many men you can save in the future by preventing him by reporting his actions.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 19

Anonymous #2

Well in strict context it is rape. In my opinion we were just silly enough to turn a guy on and ask to quit in the middle of things. It is just like getting on a roller-coaster for fun and then shout no when it gets to the highest point to stop.

I was on holiday with my boyfriend. Nice luxourious hotel, fun-time. He had business during the day and we only met in the evening. He was exhausted after his meetings. We took a shower and I started playing with him. He was turned on quite quick and asked me to sit on it, but I rather asked for some licking. I enjoyed it very much, but upon reaching down on him he got angry. I did not get why at first, then I realized he went limp. I was like maybe I can make him hard orally again but he did not let me get close to the D.

Instead he pinned me down and fingered me. Which I repeatadly asked not to. It makes me feel sometimes like I need to pee, and I have to lead him sometimes in order to get it right, I enjoy normal intercourse and licking more. I really was not up to this so I tried to push his hand away by closing my legs. Meanwhile he held my arms pinned down just by holding it one-handed. Note: he is an ex-body-builder with a very strong arm. I was astonished realizing what a little effort he needs to pin me down, his muscles were not even flexed, yet I struggled to move my hands just by millimetres. I told him I do not want it, but he said I will enjoy.

After all I gave up on fighting and I was like it will finish quicker if I let him do what he wants. Well, eventually I came - I gave myself up and into the situation. It was the first time I came by fingering. He cuddled me after then and said you see it was good. (He was happy making me *** after all.) Well, I could not say no, it was not bad, as I came. So kind of strange feelings in me.

I had not discussed the night with him for quite a while, except for saying the following day if next time he was tired, just tell me and do not feel like he has to prove himself as a man, as I am not like that woman who only cares about it.

I only told him around half-a-year later about my feelings; that he forced himself on me, that I begged no and he continued, and I gave up fighting and let if flow. And that if I did not ***, I do not know how I would feel about it! He is lucky he made me *** eventually!

He babbled something like "but you enjoyed it" and I told him "by the end yes, but not the beginning!" He was totally baffled. I could see on his face. And that is when I fully understood: he did not want to force himself of me, he thought he did good, that he pleased me, he had ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTIONS of hurting me in any kind so. I turned him on, and because he failed, it probably hurt his ego and wanted to save the situation, and as he knew I was turned on, he wanted me to finish; to please me, therefore making me happy.

In the law's and general public's interpretation it was rape, I assume reading the above comments. On my interpretation as a personal experience I do not consider it rape as I played a major role in the flow of events, and my boyfriend HAD NO BAD INTENTIONS at all, he DID NOT WANT TO HURT ME by any means, he just WANTED TO PLEASE ME and MAKE ME HAPPY.

Was it against my will? It was in the end yes, but I initialized the start of events.

Should I call the police? No, I do not think so.

Did he do something bad to me? Yes, but he had no intention doing so, he just wanted to please me.

So the same questions to you:
Was it against your will? Yes, it was, but do not forget you also initalized the situation, just like me.

Should you call the police? No, I do not think so.

Did he do something bad to you? Yes, but he had no intention doing so, he just wanted to please you.

I assume neither your and my boyfriend wanted to cause us any harm. And we both played a major role by being naked and sexually turning on naked men - they had no intentions hurting us and just gone by the flow of events. I mean really, you sit on someone's naked lap naked as you are also into something.

DO NOT LET OTHERS VICTIMIZE YOU! It is such a 21. century invention; I feel like society wants me to feel sorry for myself, feel bad, and shout rape at my boyfriend.

We both had a less-appealing sexual intercourse and that it is. Nothing to cry upon. We both initialled the situation: and in the end you were ****ed anally, and I was fingered and we simply weren't up for it.