Unable to get letter of recommendation? Help?
I have to apply to college/sixth form through UCAS, which requires me to have a letter of recommendation. I imagine I would be required to have one, anyway, but still.
Basically, I'm moving to live with my father but I've only just found out that I'm moving to Leicester, so I haven't had time to apply for college yet. So, I have to apply now. I know it's way too late to apply now, but it's my only hope really.
I can't get a letter of recommendation from my school. I have already left school. Even if I contact my school now and ask a teacher to write me one, literally a month before September (aka the beginning of the school year), I would have to pay for it.
Not only am I poor, but the more important thing is that I live with my mother. She does not know I'm about to move to live with my father, and I have no way of paying for the fees. My father could pay, but still -- I only have a month left.
Also, if my mother finds out about this (which she likely would, as the school would text and email her), she'll find out that I'm going to live with my father. This is a problem because I'm trying to escape from living with her (for serious reasons), and she's is dangerous and could harm somebody. So she can't know I'm moving for another three weeks or so, until it actually happens.
The only way I can choose not to have a letter of recommendation is if I contact my school and they say I don't need one. Which... they probably wouldn't, honestly. Also, I'm not going to contact them about this. I don't have a phone currently, so my father would have to ring them up about this. And, again, the school would probably email/text my mother about it. Which can't happen.
I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do about trying to get into to college, let alone getting a letter of recommendation. But this is still a serious problem that I do not know how to solve. Is there a way around this? Can I contact the college and tell them why I don't have a letter of recommendation?
Thanks!
Basically, I'm moving to live with my father but I've only just found out that I'm moving to Leicester, so I haven't had time to apply for college yet. So, I have to apply now. I know it's way too late to apply now, but it's my only hope really.
I can't get a letter of recommendation from my school. I have already left school. Even if I contact my school now and ask a teacher to write me one, literally a month before September (aka the beginning of the school year), I would have to pay for it.
Not only am I poor, but the more important thing is that I live with my mother. She does not know I'm about to move to live with my father, and I have no way of paying for the fees. My father could pay, but still -- I only have a month left.
Also, if my mother finds out about this (which she likely would, as the school would text and email her), she'll find out that I'm going to live with my father. This is a problem because I'm trying to escape from living with her (for serious reasons), and she's is dangerous and could harm somebody. So she can't know I'm moving for another three weeks or so, until it actually happens.
The only way I can choose not to have a letter of recommendation is if I contact my school and they say I don't need one. Which... they probably wouldn't, honestly. Also, I'm not going to contact them about this. I don't have a phone currently, so my father would have to ring them up about this. And, again, the school would probably email/text my mother about it. Which can't happen.
I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do about trying to get into to college, let alone getting a letter of recommendation. But this is still a serious problem that I do not know how to solve. Is there a way around this? Can I contact the college and tell them why I don't have a letter of recommendation?
Thanks!
Original post by kgbenett
I have to apply to college/sixth form through UCAS, which requires me to have a letter of recommendation. I imagine I would be required to have one, anyway, but still.
Basically, I'm moving to live with my father but I've only just found out that I'm moving to Leicester, so I haven't had time to apply for college yet. So, I have to apply now. I know it's way too late to apply now, but it's my only hope really.
I can't get a letter of recommendation from my school. I have already left school. Even if I contact my school now and ask a teacher to write me one, literally a month before September (aka the beginning of the school year), I would have to pay for it.
Not only am I poor, but the more important thing is that I live with my mother. She does not know I'm about to move to live with my father, and I have no way of paying for the fees. My father could pay, but still -- I only have a month left.
Also, if my mother finds out about this (which she likely would, as the school would text and email her), she'll find out that I'm going to live with my father. This is a problem because I'm trying to escape from living with her (for serious reasons), and she's is dangerous and could harm somebody. So she can't know I'm moving for another three weeks or so, until it actually happens.
The only way I can choose not to have a letter of recommendation is if I contact my school and they say I don't need one. Which... they probably wouldn't, honestly. Also, I'm not going to contact them about this. I don't have a phone currently, so my father would have to ring them up about this. And, again, the school would probably email/text my mother about it. Which can't happen.
I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do about trying to get into to college, let alone getting a letter of recommendation. But this is still a serious problem that I do not know how to solve. Is there a way around this? Can I contact the college and tell them why I don't have a letter of recommendation?
Thanks!
Basically, I'm moving to live with my father but I've only just found out that I'm moving to Leicester, so I haven't had time to apply for college yet. So, I have to apply now. I know it's way too late to apply now, but it's my only hope really.
I can't get a letter of recommendation from my school. I have already left school. Even if I contact my school now and ask a teacher to write me one, literally a month before September (aka the beginning of the school year), I would have to pay for it.
Not only am I poor, but the more important thing is that I live with my mother. She does not know I'm about to move to live with my father, and I have no way of paying for the fees. My father could pay, but still -- I only have a month left.
Also, if my mother finds out about this (which she likely would, as the school would text and email her), she'll find out that I'm going to live with my father. This is a problem because I'm trying to escape from living with her (for serious reasons), and she's is dangerous and could harm somebody. So she can't know I'm moving for another three weeks or so, until it actually happens.
The only way I can choose not to have a letter of recommendation is if I contact my school and they say I don't need one. Which... they probably wouldn't, honestly. Also, I'm not going to contact them about this. I don't have a phone currently, so my father would have to ring them up about this. And, again, the school would probably email/text my mother about it. Which can't happen.
I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do about trying to get into to college, let alone getting a letter of recommendation. But this is still a serious problem that I do not know how to solve. Is there a way around this? Can I contact the college and tell them why I don't have a letter of recommendation?
Thanks!
You seem very confused. You don't apply for 6th form through UCAS, you apply directly to the colleges or schools you want to go to. They will likely want a reference from your school, but there is no reason why your school will contact your Mum, they should just contact the school or college you want to go to.
Original post by jelly1000
You seem very confused. You don't apply for 6th form through UCAS, you apply directly to the colleges or schools you want to go to. They will likely want a reference from your school, but there is no reason why your school will contact your Mum, they should just contact the school or college you want to go to.
You can apply to sixth forms via UCAS Progress - it's not just for uni applications.
Original post by kgbenett
I have to apply to college/sixth form through UCAS
No you don't. You apply direct to the college. UCAS is for uni-level study only.
which requires me to have a letter of recommendation. I imagine I would be required to have one, anyway, but still.
Find out. You appear to have based your problem on an untested assumption. It's more likely that your new college would just want to see your GCSE results/certificates. My local college specifies GCSE results (depending on your chosen subjects) and an interview. No academic reference from your previous school is necessary.
Even if it is necessary, the process has no reason to involve either of your parents. You contact your old school and get their permission to use them as a referee. You submit your application to your prospective college, giving the contact details of the referee at your old school. Your prospective college then contacts your old school and asks for the reference. At no point would it involve anyone contacting either of your parents.
I can't get a letter of recommendation from my school.
You probably don't need one. Contact your prospective college and find out. Do that tomorrow.
I would have to pay for it.
Not only am I poor... My father could pay...
That's the paying problem solved then.
Also, if my mother finds out about this (which she likely would, as the school would text and email her),
Why would the school do that? You're moving and going to college in your new city. You just write to them from your new address and they respond direct to you. If you really want to be sure, just explain the situation and instruct them not to contact your mother.
The only way I can choose not to have a letter of recommendation is if I contact my school and they say I don't need one. Which... they probably wouldn't, honestly.
Really, stop guessing and find out.
Also, I'm not going to contact them about this. I don't have a phone currently,
Well you clearly have access to the internet, so just email them instead.
so my father would have to ring them up about this.
Why is that a problem? Presumably he understands the issues and would be happy to do that. Although it doesn't appear to be necessary.
And, again, the school would probably email/text my mother about it.
Again - why would they do that?
But this is still a serious problem that I do not know how to solve.
First find out whether it actually exists.
Is there a way around this?
Find out whether you even have a problem, then do as outlined above.
Can I contact the college and tell them why I don't have a letter of recommendation?
A few paragraphs ago, you were apparently not able to contact the college. Glad you've changed your mind. And yes, for heaven's sake contact them and ask if they actually want one. It's generally referred to as an "academic reference".
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by doctorwhofan98
You can apply to sixth forms via UCAS Progress - it's not just for uni applications.
Thanks for the heads-up.
However I've checked and colleges in the Leicester area only take UCAS Progress applications from local students. Students applying from outside the area do so directly to the college in question.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by doctorwhofan98
You can apply to sixth forms via UCAS Progress - it's not just for uni applications.
Ah my apologies, I've never heard of it.
Original post by jelly1000
You seem very confused. You don't apply for 6th form through UCAS, you apply directly to the colleges or schools you want to go to. They will likely want a reference from your school, but there is no reason why your school will contact your Mum, they should just contact the school or college you want to go to.
I have to apply to colleges and sixth forms through UCAS due to the school I go to being a "city school", according to an email I got after trying to directly apply to a college and being told that I can't. (They told me that I had to apply through UCAS.)
Original post by Klix88
Why would the school do that? You're moving and going to college in your new city. You just write to them from your new address and they respond direct to you. If you really want to be sure, just explain the situation and instruct them not to contact your mother.
By this, I meant that my secondary school would possibly contact my mother if I asked for a letter of recommendation - just because the school usually sends updates and information to her through email and texting. I've read that letters of recommendation are not even shown to the person they are written about (so I wouldn't be able to see it), apparently. But, also what I meant was that if my mother had to pay, she would then know about it.
I should definitely try to find out what the college needs from me; I'm going to get my dad to contact the college tomorrow, and ask about whether I need a letter of recommendation. I'll also ask whether I need a personal statement - I don't think I do, but I just want to make sure.
(I'm sorry that my first post was really confusing, I'm just paranoid about my mother finding out and ruining things. This whole situation hasn't been too good for my anxiety or depression, so to be honest I've just been a mess for a while over this. Sorry !!)
Thank you for replying and helping me out!
Original post by kgbenett
By this, I meant that my secondary school would possibly contact my mother if I asked for a letter of recommendation - just because the school usually sends updates and information to her through email and texting. I've read that letters of recommendation are not even shown to the person they are written about (so I wouldn't be able to see it), apparently. But, also what I meant was that if my mother had to pay, she would then know about it.
You have left the school, so I doubt that automatic communication to your mother will now occur. All you have to do is explain the situation to your old school and ask them not to. If your father pays, that removes part of the perceived risk - you've said above that he can do that.
Not being able to see a reference about you is completely standard for both academic and professional references. That isn't a problem and isn't part of the issue you have with your mother. Try not to conflate/inflate.
I should definitely try to find out what the college needs from me; I'm going to get my dad to contact the college tomorrow, and ask about whether I need a letter of recommendation. I'll also ask whether I need a personal statement - I don't think I do, but I just want to make sure.
Every college will gave a website which will detail the application process so you can look it up. But making contact with your prospective college won't hurt and might get you points for enthusiasm.
People are being a little cold in this thread 
I actually ran away from my abusive home during my GCSEs and ended up moving to live with my dad 400 miles away, so I get where you're coming from.
I would get your dad to phone UCAS and the college to explain and ask what your options are. It seems to me the best bet is to wait until you move then ask your school to mail a recommendation (and get your dad to pay). I wouldn't worry too much about deadlines as kids move all the time within the school year and they still have to go somewhere! You can sort this all out after the move if you want (I started 6 weeks into the school year and it was all fine).
I actually ran away from my abusive home during my GCSEs and ended up moving to live with my dad 400 miles away, so I get where you're coming from.
I would get your dad to phone UCAS and the college to explain and ask what your options are. It seems to me the best bet is to wait until you move then ask your school to mail a recommendation (and get your dad to pay). I wouldn't worry too much about deadlines as kids move all the time within the school year and they still have to go somewhere! You can sort this all out after the move if you want (I started 6 weeks into the school year and it was all fine).
This message is really all over the place again, sorry!
I hope you and your dad are doing well !! That's so great to hear, honestly. I wanted to leave ever since my dad said I could live with him (in November), but I didn't want to mess up my GCSEs so I stayed with my mother. And then we spent literally until two weeks ago trying to figure out whether my sister wanted to live with my dad, and he couldn't get a house until we knew... which is why it took him so long to find somewhere, and why I'm applying so late.
I didn't want to mention abuse stuff in the first post in case people started questioning me about it tbh. I wanted to say it's cool that you understand what I'm talking about (I only know like one person that understands this sort of thing), but obviously it's not cool that you've had to go through that too - I'm really sorry about that. It's so good that you managed to get out of that situation though!
My dad just sent me the email he got - I have a late application form to fill out. It asks me why I'm applying late... should I mention anything to do with my mother, or just say that I'm moving house? I feel like mentioning my mother would be inappropriate or something.
Thanks for helping! You were really nice to me about this and I'm glad you could understand the situation I'm in. Hearing about people applying late and being okay makes me feel a lot better about this whole thing
Original post by monkyvirus
People are being a little cold in this thread
I actually ran away from my abusive home during my GCSEs and ended up moving to live with my dad 400 miles away, so I get where you're coming from.
I actually ran away from my abusive home during my GCSEs and ended up moving to live with my dad 400 miles away, so I get where you're coming from.
I hope you and your dad are doing well !! That's so great to hear, honestly. I wanted to leave ever since my dad said I could live with him (in November), but I didn't want to mess up my GCSEs so I stayed with my mother. And then we spent literally until two weeks ago trying to figure out whether my sister wanted to live with my dad, and he couldn't get a house until we knew... which is why it took him so long to find somewhere, and why I'm applying so late.
I didn't want to mention abuse stuff in the first post in case people started questioning me about it tbh. I wanted to say it's cool that you understand what I'm talking about (I only know like one person that understands this sort of thing), but obviously it's not cool that you've had to go through that too - I'm really sorry about that. It's so good that you managed to get out of that situation though!
Original post by monkyvirus
I would get your dad to phone UCAS and the college to explain and ask what your options are. It seems to me the best bet is to wait until you move then ask your school to mail a recommendation (and get your dad to pay). I wouldn't worry too much about deadlines as kids move all the time within the school year and they still have to go somewhere! You can sort this all out after the move if you want (I started 6 weeks into the school year and it was all fine).
My dad just sent me the email he got - I have a late application form to fill out. It asks me why I'm applying late... should I mention anything to do with my mother, or just say that I'm moving house? I feel like mentioning my mother would be inappropriate or something.
Thanks for helping! You were really nice to me about this and I'm glad you could understand the situation I'm in. Hearing about people applying late and being okay makes me feel a lot better about this whole thing
Original post by kgbenett
My dad just sent me the email he got - I have a late application form to fill out. It asks me why I'm applying late... should I mention anything to do with my mother, or just say that I'm moving house? I feel like mentioning my mother would be inappropriate or something.
Thanks for helping! You were really nice to me about this and I'm glad you could understand the situation I'm in. Hearing about people applying late and being okay makes me feel a lot better about this whole thing
My dad just sent me the email he got - I have a late application form to fill out. It asks me why I'm applying late... should I mention anything to do with my mother, or just say that I'm moving house? I feel like mentioning my mother would be inappropriate or something.
Thanks for helping! You were really nice to me about this and I'm glad you could understand the situation I'm in. Hearing about people applying late and being okay makes me feel a lot better about this whole thing
Yeah it all worked out in the end
I got a degree and I'm starting a PhD this year!I think that it's not inappropriate and it just provides them more context. Saying something like "I had to move urgently from an abusive home environment so I was unable to start my applications in time" should be adequate, you don't need to go into detail or anything. A lot of late transfers will have some drama going on at home so I doubt they'll be surprised.
If you feel more comfortable saying "I abruptly moved house" is probably also fine. However, total honesty puts you in the strongest position as you will sound like a person in a tricky situation rather than disorganised or something like that.
Good luck!
Original post by monkyvirus
Yeah it all worked out in the end I got a degree and I'm starting a PhD this year!
I think that it's not inappropriate and it just provides them more context. Saying something like "I had to move urgently from an abusive home environment so I was unable to start my applications in time" should be adequate, you don't need to go into detail or anything. A lot of late transfers will have some drama going on at home so I doubt they'll be surprised.
If you feel more comfortable saying "I abruptly moved house" is probably also fine. However, total honesty puts you in the strongest position as you will sound like a person in a tricky situation rather than disorganised or something like that.
Good luck!
I got a degree and I'm starting a PhD this year!I think that it's not inappropriate and it just provides them more context. Saying something like "I had to move urgently from an abusive home environment so I was unable to start my applications in time" should be adequate, you don't need to go into detail or anything. A lot of late transfers will have some drama going on at home so I doubt they'll be surprised.
If you feel more comfortable saying "I abruptly moved house" is probably also fine. However, total honesty puts you in the strongest position as you will sound like a person in a tricky situation rather than disorganised or something like that.
Good luck!
Ah I'm so happy for you !! That's so great!! I'm glad things are going well for you
My dad told me to just say that I'm applying late because I'm moving house to live with him. You make a really good point, but... there's always a risk that they have the 'we have to immediately tell social services about The Abuse' policy (I haven't left yet - I'm leaving to live with him on the 22nd of this month). And that would be.. very bad, lmao.
I think I might add something about 'urgent personal reasons', even though that sounds vague and dodgy at least I'm not putting myself at risk that way.
Anyway, this main point of this thread isn't relevant anymore! The application form doesn't need a letter of recommendation. It needs a personal statement, which I've written. I'm going to submit it tomorrow! I should have a phone by then, so the college will be able to contact me by phone like they want to.
Thanks for helping me! Honestly, I feel like next time I'm having another problem I should probably look at that other person's reply where they're like 'Find out if you actually have a problem' in response to everything I wrote, because tbh they're 100% right, lol. Sometimes I just need to chill and try to actually figure things out instead of stressing about it so much.
Again, thank you!
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