The Student Room Group

I Need to Rant about a girl again

So. I was speaking to this girl for the past 3 weeks. She seemed really cool and oddly our personalities online seemed to click within an instant. Our conversations would never ever end and I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh so much period never mind just via text.

She told me that was reciprocated and suddenly we're telling one another our life secrets. **** moved fast. In literally every damn way we seem perfectly suited for one another. It's almost hard to believe. So I try to ground myself by not believing it until I meet her. Anyway, she's told me a million times she's super clingy herself and endlessly needy. I also discover after a mild comment on her eyebrows that she is INCREDIBLY sensitive.

I then organise a date because I want to this woman ASAP. I text her early on in the day if she wants tickets to some event because I can get a discount. The event is in 3days time. She says 'sure, go for it, should be fun'. so I buy two tickets. Guess what? On Saturday turns out she's working overtime and can't make it... Wtf. I let her off though because I'm really optimistic about this girl and probably already infatuated. Oh and I wasted £30 on that ticket too...

Organise a second date, just got for a coffee first in town then go for a meal and that's it. Guess what? She has NO MONEY. LEGITIMATELY HAS ZERO ****ING MONEY. So she cannot afford a bus into town nevermind anything else. She tells me this the morning of the date so I'm like, well are there any parks near you? We'll just go for a walk? She's like, oh sure, yeah, 'if you come to mine (and gives me her address) for 4pm I'll be ready :smile:'.

5pm and she's still at work. Working overtime. So it will be too late and she wants to reschedule the date.

FOR SOME REASON I let her off again... and I try to organise something again.

We're both busy so we compromise and just agree to meet each other in a few days for evening coffee at costa and a chat. We do that. Little awkward at the strt with regards to conversation but nothing too bad. We knew each other on sight and gave one another a hug. As soon as we sat down with the coffee it was just funny conversation - note, not even casual conversation. But legitimately funny conversation. We stay too long and don't even check the damn time so we're kicked out of costa. We spend like 15minutes chatting outside then I hug her and tell her that I enjoyed meeting her, would like to see her again and that I wish she has a safe journey home. She reciprocates that and we part ways.

I text her the next day thinking what she thought about the date and she said that she thought I was great and that I made her laugh so much....

Then she ghosts on me.

Doesn't message for two days. I accept that and assume she's busy and just don't text her as I don't wanna look too desperate. But then I can't hold out anymore and have to text her. So I do on the third day. No response. I just give up on her then on the fourth day of no response (I sent an additional text that morning too). Then I find her damn profile on an online dating site again (she deleted/hidden it once I got her number) so I ask her if we're just done then?

And she basically texts me saying she's 'sooooo sorry for ignoring me and just didn't feel any chemistry on the date so yeah we were pretty much done'. It was all so abrupt and confusing...

So now I'm looking at this reddit on ghosting and am EVEN MORE CONFUSED.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3o0h8m/serious_girls_who_ghost_guys_after_a_date_or_a/

Maybe I appeared _too_ confident? Maybe my dark humour she found intimidating despite not showing visibly signs of distress from it and liking it via text chat...? I really don't know. And all I get from her is 'I just know after a 3hour coffee shop date whether it is gonna work or not. Not gonna waste your time'. -__-

Well **** girl, just let me spend my money, emotions and time on every ****ing girl for 3weeks for absolutely no reason.

How the hell do you get a romantic spark within 3hours of speaking to a stranger when you yourself are overly anxious as it is and you two know loads about each other but not how you sound or properly look and you're sat in a damn coffee shop?????

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I didn't read this but here's some advice - don't bother with relationships/hookups too much because it's usually a waste of time
Do you honestly look like your pictures on this dating site?
Did you say something to her as a joke? she might've took it to heart.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 4
Original post by Hamo2509
Do you honestly look like your pictures on this dating site?


Eh? My pictures? Which are you referring to? I've posted some ridiculous ones on TSR and some not so ridiculous ones...

What is your point though?
Original post by TorpidPhil
Eh? My pictures? Which are you referring to? I've posted some ridiculous ones on TSR and some not so ridiculous ones...

What is your point though?


I thought you were implying that you met her on a dating site. If so, the only reasonable explanation I can think for her behaviour is that you didn't look like she was expecting.
Reply 6
Just move on bro, don't change yourself cuz of one girl, those hoes ain't loyal.
You'll find your soulmate by being yourself, not being someone else, hopefully :smile:
Reply 7
Original post by saraxh
Did you say something to her as a joke? she might took it to heart.


Nah not on the date. I did beforehand, but we dealt with that and I agreed to be soft with her because she was evidently a little stress-ball!

I didn't say _anything_ about her on the date except that she looked good. Especially her eyes in the sun with her make-up.
Reply 8
Original post by Hamo2509
I thought you were implying that you met her on a dating site. If so, the only reasonable explanation I can think for her behaviour is that you didn't look like she was expecting.


I sent her a picture of what I was wearing on the day so she'd know what I look like for sure and she said 'cutie' somewhere in the line responding to that... And the pictures on that site aren't particularly overly flattering.

To be brutally honest she wasn't particularly attractive herself and I'd say I'm above average attractiveness, so I definitely don't think it was that. (She was also overweight and I'm wanting to do an MMA fight in about 6months so I'm pretty fit).

I was shorter than she expected though. But we had jokes about the fact that I was a dwarf anyway - and she is 5ft ffs, I am 5'5...
Original post by TorpidPhil
I sent her a picture of what I was wearing on the day so she'd know what I look like for sure and she said 'cutie' somewhere in the line responding to that... And the pictures on that site aren't particularly overly flattering.

To be brutally honest she wasn't particularly attractive herself and I'd say I'm above average attractiveness, so I definitely don't think it was that. (She was also overweight and I'm wanting to do an MMA fight in about 6months so I'm pretty fit).

I was shorter than she expected though. But we had jokes about the fact that I was a dwarf anyway - and she is 5ft ffs, I am 5'5...


It's because you're short mate
She wasn't attracted to you.

Think about it, you guys can laugh, have convos yet she doesn't feel anything.
Original post by Hamo2509
It's because you're short mate


She was 5ft tall. Pretty sure it wasn't the fact that I'm short lol. I don't hide the fact that I'm a manlet online. That **** is pretty obvious so...

**** the first damn message I sent her was related to height...
Original post by xobeauty
She wasn't attracted to you.

Think about it, you guys can laugh, have convos yet she doesn't feel anything.


But...

in what way?

She knew what my personality was like anyway from speaking to me beforehand. She knew what I looked like from my pictures, of which there were more of and they less 'deceptive' than most people's online...

I don't get what you'd be expecting to feel within 3hours of talking to someone in an awkward coffee shop date?
Original post by TorpidPhil
She was 5ft tall. Pretty sure it wasn't the fact that I'm short lol. I don't hide the fact that I'm a manlet online. That **** is pretty obvious so...

**** the first damn message I sent her was related to height...


Every time one of my girlfriends has done this was because the guy was short. But what do I know?
You caught feelings for her too early. Speak to a girl, if you feel chemistry, arrange to meet up early on (don't delay it), determine from the date and her attitude afterwards if there's actually a connection, if not, move on.

When just texting a girl, feel free to talk to other girls too, you're not in a relationship at this point and focusing on one girl will make you develop feelings more easily. And make sure she's not your priority at this point, focus on your normal day to day life and leave the texting for when you're free, don't go out of your way to make time to text a girl (especially when you're not even in a relationship).

Just forget about her and move on, she's not worth wasting your time trying to figure out why it didn't work.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by TorpidPhil
But...

in what way?

She knew what my personality was like anyway from speaking to me beforehand. She knew what I looked like from my pictures, of which there were more of and they less 'deceptive' than most people's online...

I don't get what you'd be expecting to feel within 3hours of talking to someone in an awkward coffee shop date?


A spark and attraction. Even if there is no spark right away attraction will keep you wanting to get to know them more.
Original post by Lord Samosa
You caught feelings for her too early. Speak to a girl, if you feel chemistry, arrange to meet up early on (don't delay it), determine from the date and her attitude afterwards if there's actually a connection, if not, move on.

When just texting a girl, feel free to talk to other girls too, you're not in a relationship at this point and focusing on one girl will make you develop feelings more easily. And make sure she's not your priority at this point, focus on your normal day to day life and leave the texting for when you're free, don't go out of your way to make time to text a girl (especially when you're not even in a relationship).

Just forget about her and move on, she's not worth wasting your time trying to figure out why it didn't work.


Does that count when you're hanging out with a guy/girl.... Or does that rule just apply when you're just texting someone?
Posted from TSR Mobile

Just live the loneWolf life.
Original post by xobeauty
Does that count when you're hanging out with a guy/girl.... Or does that rule just apply when you're just texting someone?


Mainly for when you're just texting someone, because when you meet irl in many cases it may not feel the same. And if you've already developed feelings for them, you'd feel like ****.

It's easier to determine if there's a spark or something if you're hanging with someone irl often.
Original post by xobeauty
A spark and attraction. Even if there is no spark right away attraction will keep you wanting to get to know them more.


I don't see how someone could be so much less attractive in person when you already know their broad personality and how they look though.

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