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Not drinking at uni. Friendless?

Hi :smile:

I'm a mature student starting uni this September. I'm 24 so not too worried about making friends due to age but I am worried about not making friends due to not being a drinker.

My Dad was an alcoholic and I grew up with that. It was a really unhappy/traumatic time and it made me despise drink. At college I did experiment with drinking just to try to fit in but I hated it because it felt like being like him - being out of control and uninhibited and being around drunk people just made me angry the way I used to be angry at him.

I just found that it brought back bad memories and mixed with the depressive effect of alcohol it was a bad combo.

I've been tee-total for 5 years and don't intend to ever drink again in my life.

But every social event I've been invited to for freshers is pub/club/cocktails. It's like there's no other way if making friends and to be honest it's pissing me off. I don't want to drink.

How have other people dealt with this? Can you made friends without these type of socials? Ta.
True friends won't expect you to drink if you don't want to. I have just finished uni as a mature student (started at 25). I didn't go out once as I have a wife and child. This didn't change any friendships I had in uni with people so just relax, people will like you for who you are not what you drink man.


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there are other ways to make friends - societies, many unis have 'sober freshers' events too, you can just try and chat to people (on your course or in halls) and get to know them - but it's going to be harder and take a lot longer if you don't attend any events, you can get away with going to these events and just drinking soft drinks but if you just don't go out then people will see you as antisocial and tbh you will be around drunk people in halls anyway, if you can I would try and attend at least the first few events so people pay some attention to you and don't see you as reclusive

unfortunately things at uni do revolve around drinking, I know plenty of people who never drank during uni but I don't know anyone who made friends without ever attending any events
Reply 3
Avatar for Devify
Devify
19
While majority is into getting drunk and going out, there are loads of people who are not into that. Just join some societies that you're interested in and find people who will rather go and have a coffee or something. Your friends should understand. I'm not into drinking much myself either and I have friends who go out clubbing with others and have a coffee with me on another day so we can hang out too.
I'm concerned about this to an extent as well - I'm 18 and I don't drink (I never have), but almost all of my friends do now and I expect the same will occur at university. I can't imagine clubbing or bar crawls, and the many other Fresher weeks, being at all fun without alcohol... yet that's likely when people meet each other.

I know there's societies and I'll meet people on my course, but almost all of Fresher's Week seems to revolve around alcohol.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 5
Avatar for Devify
Devify
19
Original post by doctorwhofan98
I'm concerned this to an extent as well - I'm 18 and I don't drink (I never have), but almost all of my friends do now and I expect the same will occur at university. I can't imagine clubbing or bar crawls, and the many other Fresher weeks, being at all fun without alcohol... yet that's likely when people meet each other.

I know there's societies and I'll meet people on my course, but almost all of Fresher's Week seems to revolve around alcohol.

Loads of people worry about that. Not only do I not find drinking fun but I also rent a flat privately so I don't even have people to meet where I live. There's always societies and you can also meet people outside of uni that you can be friend with
Original post by Anonymous
Hi :smile:

I'm a mature student starting uni this September. I'm 24 so not too worried about making friends due to age but I am worried about not making friends due to not being a drinker.

My Dad was an alcoholic and I grew up with that. It was a really unhappy/traumatic time and it made me despise drink. At college I did experiment with drinking just to try to fit in but I hated it because it felt like being like him - being out of control and uninhibited and being around drunk people just made me angry the way I used to be angry at him.

I just found that it brought back bad memories and mixed with the depressive effect of alcohol it was a bad combo.

I've been tee-total for 5 years and don't intend to ever drink again in my life.

But every social event I've been invited to for freshers is pub/club/cocktails. It's like there's no other way if making friends and to be honest it's pissing me off. I don't want to drink.

How have other people dealt with this? Can you made friends without these type of socials? Ta.


Absolutely dont worry and be firm in your convictions. Do not drink if you do not wnat to.

Obviously soem social events revolve around the bar , vut learn how to burse a coke through the evebing. What you do get are people who feel uncomfy or feel you cnat be having a good time if you arent drinking. Just be firm from the outset and your true friends will respect you. Its a bit odd qwhen others are drunk and you are sober.

The other thing you can do are activities that dont involve drin. Food, clubs and societies. Its not really an issue.
Reply 7
Avatar for john2054
john2054
6
Original post by Anonymous
Hi :smile:

I'm a mature student starting uni this September. I'm 24 so not too worried about making friends due to age but I am worried about not making friends due to not being a drinker.

My Dad was an alcoholic and I grew up with that. It was a really unhappy/traumatic time and it made me despise drink. At college I did experiment with drinking just to try to fit in but I hated it because it felt like being like him - being out of control and uninhibited and being around drunk people just made me angry the way I used to be angry at him.

I just found that it brought back bad memories and mixed with the depressive effect of alcohol it was a bad combo.

I've been tee-total for 5 years and don't intend to ever drink again in my life.

But every social event I've been invited to for freshers is pub/club/cocktails. It's like there's no other way if making friends and to be honest it's pissing me off. I don't want to drink.

How have other people dealt with this? Can you made friends without these type of socials? Ta.


You do drink coffee though right?!?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi :smile:

I'm a mature student starting uni this September. I'm 24 so not too worried about making friends due to age but I am worried about not making friends due to not being a drinker.

My Dad was an alcoholic and I grew up with that. It was a really unhappy/traumatic time and it made me despise drink. At college I did experiment with drinking just to try to fit in but I hated it because it felt like being like him - being out of control and uninhibited and being around drunk people just made me angry the way I used to be angry at him.

I just found that it brought back bad memories and mixed with the depressive effect of alcohol it was a bad combo.

I've been tee-total for 5 years and don't intend to ever drink again in my life.

But every social event I've been invited to for freshers is pub/club/cocktails. It's like there's no other way if making friends and to be honest it's pissing me off. I don't want to drink.

How have other people dealt with this? Can you made friends without these type of socials? Ta.



Just drink coke or something flat like orange juice its more of being out with peopl and networking than drinking, i dont not drink but there have been a few times when i go out and drink flat or fizzy drinks instead
Original post by doctorwhofan98
I'm concerned about this to an extent as well - I'm 18 and I don't drink (I never have), but almost all of my friends do now and I expect the same will occur at university. I can't imagine clubbing or bar crawls, and the many other Fresher weeks, being at all fun without alcohol... yet that's likely when people meet each other.

I know there's societies and I'll meet people on my course, but almost all of Fresher's Week seems to revolve around alcohol.


i drink but there are plenty of times where ive done a bar crawl and drank nothing but cans of coke the enjoyment comes from the company you keep not the ammount you drink! BTW im the same age as you
Original post by Anonymous
Hi :smile:

I'm a mature student starting uni this September. I'm 24 so not too worried about making friends due to age but I am worried about not making friends due to not being a drinker.

My Dad was an alcoholic and I grew up with that. It was a really unhappy/traumatic time and it made me despise drink. At college I did experiment with drinking just to try to fit in but I hated it because it felt like being like him - being out of control and uninhibited and being around drunk people just made me angry the way I used to be angry at him.

I just found that it brought back bad memories and mixed with the depressive effect of alcohol it was a bad combo.

I've been tee-total for 5 years and don't intend to ever drink again in my life.

But every social event I've been invited to for freshers is pub/club/cocktails. It's like there's no other way if making friends and to be honest it's pissing me off. I don't want to drink.

How have other people dealt with this? Can you made friends without these type of socials? Ta.


Everyone drinking and being forced to drink at uni is the biggest myth in existence. Yes, people will drink, but you can still get involved and not drink any alcohol. If you get involved with societies and other extra curricular things, you will make friends.

People will be understanding if you don't drink, especially giving your circumstances. However, if you constantly get angry at other people for drinking and acting holier than thou because you don't drink and they do, that's a one way ticket to pissing people off and being friendless.
Original post by myhatmyrowntrees
i drink but there are plenty of times where ive done a bar crawl and drank nothing but cans of coke the enjoyment comes from the company you keep not the ammount you drink! BTW im the same age as you


Ah true, I can always live off Coke and various other soft drinks, good idea!
I'm not the party type nor a keen drinker atm but I do know that Univeristy has MANY types of people there. They have introverts (like me), ambiverts, extrovert. The people who want to chill, people who want to watch movies, night clubbers and more. So I would stress in any way, not age wise nor activity wise.

You will find people that you will gravitate towards and visa verse, so just experience this time without ADDING extra stress.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi :smile:

I'm a mature student starting uni this September. I'm 24 so not too worried about making friends due to age but I am worried about not making friends due to not being a drinker.

My Dad was an alcoholic and I grew up with that. It was a really unhappy/traumatic time and it made me despise drink. At college I did experiment with drinking just to try to fit in but I hated it because it felt like being like him - being out of control and uninhibited and being around drunk people just made me angry the way I used to be angry at him.

I just found that it brought back bad memories and mixed with the depressive effect of alcohol it was a bad combo.

I've been tee-total for 5 years and don't intend to ever drink again in my life.

But every social event I've been invited to for freshers is pub/club/cocktails. It's like there's no other way if making friends and to be honest it's pissing me off. I don't want to drink.

How have other people dealt with this? Can you made friends without these type of socials? Ta.


I dont drink at all, and yes I found freshers very hard because the whole event is orientated around drink. It was difficult because your in a completely new place and trying to get to know people, but because everyone is so intent on going out and getting smashed you can feel kind of isolated.

My best advice is to join a society or go to events which are organised for non-drinkers (there are many at each university, you just have to find them) because you will most likely find friends who have the same interests as you, and some who do not drink.

When your course starts and you actually make friends on your course, if they are true friends then they will not mind you not drinking or not going out with them. With me and my friends I always go around to pre-drinks an hour early so its quiet and nobody is absolutely gone yet, I drink soft drinks and have a great time. If im feeling super confident then I will join them out but if not I just go home to bed. Also its important to arrange non-alcoholic social events in your friendship group such as movie nights, meals out, fifa sessions (if your into that haha) so you can feel more involved.

The one thing I would say is do not back down. No idea why but my flatmates had a big problem with me not drinking during pre drinks, they would bang on my room door and shout and scream for me to come out when I had already made it clear im not comfortable. My advice is explain your situation straight away and dont back down.

You will find not everyone at uni is a diehard binge drinker like it is made out to be x

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