Divorcing your wife because she's infertile

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Reply 60

user382

Of course.

Reply 61

Pinkberry_y

Original post by UWS

Did she become infertile after marriage?

Because if it was before, she should have told me before we got married. Divorce for not telling me

A lot of the time you won't be necessarily aware that you're infertile, for example if you never tried to conceive before

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 62

Josb

No worry about contraception. :u:

Reply 63

Prince of Punani

As I said to a friend just now via PM, I don't think it's morally acceptable to break up with a woman for this reason because you should love your woman for who she is in the moments you are together, rather than because of an ideal you implant upon her, however I have noticed that a fair amount of people on TSR think breaking up with guys for no reason is ok and as a guy it makes me sad so I wanted to ask the same question in a more emotive context.

As someone who wants to get married one day, it bothers me the ease with which people give up on others

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 64

silverfox44

Original post by Prince of Punani

so basically you're just salty as ****

Reply 65

Juichiro

Original post by Trapz99

Personally I just don't think it's the same as having your own children who are half you and half the person you love. Adoption is great but it's not something that I'd want to do. I would want my own children.

They are half you in a very abstract sense (in the same sense that you and your hypothetical brother are the same person). You wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know that person a is your kid. That's why baby swaps are often difficult to detect.

Reply 66

~Tara~

It's a conversation I had quite early in relationship but I think our answers can change when we know our partner better or our biological clock starts ticking. For me, whilst I'd like to know what pregnant felt like, I could love any child as if it were my own. It wouldn't need to have my DNA so to me barren or impotent makes no difference to me if I decided I wanted children.

And I'm lucky to be with a man who doesn't place an over importance on his own sperm. If either of us couldn't conceive but we wanted children..the end product is more important than the way the child came into being.

I think society is more accepting of women who can't conceive but still want children, than women who don't want children full stop. Even when they are honest about their lack of desire for a child, people believe it's a phase or they'll eventually change their mind..or more grotesquely, some men will accidentally on purpose try to make her pregnant.

Reply 67

~Tara~

Original post by poohat

I'm not sure why you think its an MRA thing. The scientific literature is very clear on this: most aspects of human character including things such as intelligence and personality are extremely heavily influenced by genetics, and parenting/environment has little impact (especially after the child is over 1-2 years old). If you adopt a kid then it isnt going to have any of your characteristics - it wont look like you, it wont behave like you, its intelligence will be uncorrelated to yours, and so on. You are basically just raising someone else's kid. If you are fine with that then cool, but its not surprising that many arent.

The other less savory aspect is that children who end up for adoption arent a random subset of the population, and often end up there because their parents are dysfunctional, or have made poor decisions. Now remember that most human personality traits are strongly influenced by genetics, and put two and two together.

I'm glad you've managed to solve the nature versus nurture debate that has been going on for decades..

Children in position of needing to be adopted and have had dysfunctional parents will have also experienced that environment - hence why the debate continues to exist.

Another point to remember is that a lot of DNA is not actually fixed. We can change certain characteristics on a molecular level by changing our behaviour. We can have a biological leaning towards a particular way of being or mental illness but our environment can be the thing that triggers us in either direction. And whilst some twin studies have shown that separated twins can have similar characteristics, this doesn't outweigh individual differences or the impact a role model has. Or the effect of a good role model later on in life. We can change our characteristics if we are motivated to do so.

Reply 68

Prince of Punani

Original post by silverfox44

so basically you're just salty as ****

They could use me to flavour walker's crisps

Reply 69

Another

Blood doesn't make a family. A child doesn't have to have my DNA, in order for them to be mine!

Likewise, just because you share DNA with someone, doesn't mean that you will automatically have a connection with them

Reply 70

queen-bee

It's a tricky situation and I know some people are very big into starting their own family and not necessarily wanting to adopt. Plus it's not really something she had control over*

Reply 71

Sorani

It sounds terrible, but I would, children are my main goal in life and more important to me than anything. If I could find another option with a partner then I would try (one ex, for example, told me he'd never adopt which I would've been fine with). If children are your goal in life, I'd understand it.

Reply 72

richpanda

I'd never marry a woman who couldn't have kids, and if she didn't tell me before we got married I'd be furious and get a divorce straight away.

Would never want to adopt, I'd feel like a cuck if my wife took another man's child as her own.

Reply 73

mercuryman

Original post by richpanda

I'd never marry a woman who couldn't have kids, and if she didn't tell me before we got married I'd be furious and get a divorce straight away.

I would divorce my wife too for sly deception like that. But what if she didn't know she was infertile herself? It can happen.

It's a really depressing situation to begin with.

Reply 74

mercuryman

Original post by queen-bee

It's a tricky situation and I know some people are very big into starting their own family and not necessarily wanting to adopt. Plus it's not really something she had control over*

Agreed. I feel really sad when I hear about couples not being able to have children.

Reply 75

Pridejxjs

Original post by Prince of Punani

Just my opinion but if the girl thinks its not going well and if she/him or even both of them are unhappy in the relationship they are well within there rights to leave. Girls usually have a reason to break up with guys even if its small and most of the people on the website probably have a reason.

Reply 76

Prince of Punani

Original post by Pridejxjs

This is what I mean, people just give up, blahblahblah, she has her reasons. This is why I changed the question to see if people's views would change if the situation is framed in an alternative manner.

Reply 77

Pridejxjs

Original post by Prince of Punani

oh ok sorry

Reply 78

~Tara~

If bloodline is that important there are surrogacy options.

I don't pick a husband and future father of my children based on sperm - unless you're going to test at the beginning of the relationship or they already know they're impotent, then you're not going to find out until you're in love and committed to each other.

I base it on the qualities the man has that demonstrate his ability to be a good husband and father. If he couldn't have a baby, he is still a good man. I don't believe his worth to me is any less and I would seek other options.