Losing hope on relationships

I genuinely feel that being on a relationship will make me feel betrayed in the end. From my previous relationship, my ex was being distant towards me and gave me excuses to want "space for her self". In which I knew that it was over through her also being disrespectful towards me. I invested a lot onto her emotionally, I helped her a lot. And now that I've broke it off, it's as if life is giving her the upper hand. People being supportive towards her, etc. And yet I'm portrayed as the bad person. Before the relationship, i was happy and accepting of my self. However, after this, I feel like a lot of things which make me up has been sucked away. Because of this, I genuinely feel like there isn't any point on being in love knowing you're going to get hurt in the end. I feel like I won't find someone right for me. Is there any hope for me left?

Reply 1

Danny the Geezer

Nice guys finish last. Trust me, I know.

Reply 2

Ahelpinghand

Usually in a break up, the girl speaks to her friends and family etc about how she's feeling and they'd support her, while the guy is seen as heartless, as he dumps the girl hopelessly in love with him, he obviously is bitter, bad and other censored words...
That is typically the dynamics society has established for break ups. Ovbiously I'm being very basic about it but my point is that often, the guy is overlooked.
You properly haven't had a chance to 'grieve' the end of the relationship. No matter how long you were together, the point is there once was a time where you were in each other's lives and now that's not the case. The emotions you're feeling now and will continue to feel is your body and mind, dealing with those changes you've faced. And guess what, it gets better. You won't feel this way forever. And it's natural to feel annoyed at the way you are potentially being portrayed. But none of that matters. And this takes me on to my next point.

You talked about loving again and feel that you don't want too in the future as it will only end badly. Firstly, take this time to work on you. Whether that's contining or starting a new hobby like the gym or cooking etc, do things that make you grow as a person. Nurture yourself like you'd nurture another you loved. It's only once you begin to do this, you realise that you deserve love. With the right mindset and attitude, you'll attract a similar likeliness in another. When the time is right, it will happen again. And the doubts you're having will fade away.

Speaking as someone who was wrapped up by someone for six years when I finally walked away and spent a year challenging myself and growing, I honestly learnt some of the most important lessons. I too felt negatively about love but now I welcome it, but am not chasing it.
Just remember you cannot be whole by trying to find yourself in someone else, we have all we need ourselves. So work on that. I hope this helps and gives you some reassurance. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
All the best.
H. xx

Help with mine? http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4242734&p=66803114#post66803114

Reply 3

Zarek

Best and worst moments, for sure. Keep going.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Danny the Geezer

Nice guys finish last. Trust me, I know.

Ain't that the truth lol

Hope so. But thank you.

Original post by Ahelpinghand

Original post by Zarek

Best and worst moments, for sure. Keep going.

Thank you for that, it gave me a lot of reassurance. I am working on my self in terms of reading books, gym etc. I just can't help but overthink and also compare my self to others around me including her. Currently waiting for college to start, hopefully by then I should feel better. I hear time heals all wounds.

Reply 5

Danny the Geezer

Original post by Anonymous

Ain't that the truth lol

,

Well treat girls just as bad as they treat you, no wonder there's so many players around. Be ruthless=have more sex, feel better, no longer feel inferior

Reply 6

Danny the Geezer

Serotonin and dopamine are "happy" chemicals :fyi:

Reply 7

Ahelpinghand

That's good to hear! Overthinking can often ruin things for us, believe me I'm always overthinking. Just stay positive, keep focused on your end results. Each day you get the chance to get a little closer to where you want to me, so make the most of it. All the best. H.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Danny the Geezer

,

Well treat girls just as bad as they treat you, no wonder there's so many players around. Be ruthless=have more sex, feel better, no longer feel inferior

Well, let's say I just need to keep my boundaries firm and respected. Won't allow people to walk over me again. I'll only be a prick to those who deserve it and completely cut them off. If they try to guilt trip me, I'll just have to not give a ****.

Original post by Ahelpinghand

Thank you once again. Hopefully long term I get into mathematics or medicine!

That's true, I'm forgetting the bad bits and the happy ones stay which isn't a problem. It's only a problem when she tries to confront me and try guilt tripping me when they mention about all the good times and nothing was wrong and by then I would've already forgotten about the bad bits (making me look like an prick basically). Trying to get into my head. So I need to get the hell away lmfao