Made a HUGE mistake

I choose two very prestigious unis as my firm and insurance, purely because I somehow felt I should. And my school pressurised me into applying to them. I mean literally, the head of my sixth form went as far as phoning my mum.

Now, I realise that I don't want to go to either. I worked so hard throughout sixth form and I hated it. I can't spend 3 years somewhere where that level of work would be expected from me again. I'd much rather go to a more relaxed uni where I could actually have a social life and not kill myself working every hour of the day.

I'll be upset if my grades are bad on results day, because I will feel that my work all year was for nothing. But, I'm also half wishing for bad grades so I have an excuse not to go to my firm or insurance. I don't think I'd be brave enough to defy everyone's expectations and ask them to release me.

What should I do?

I choose two very prestigious unis as my firm and insurance, purely because I somehow felt I should. And my school pressurised me into applying to them. I mean literally, the head of my sixth form went as far as phoning my mum.

Now, I realise that I don't want to go to either. I worked so hard throughout sixth form and I hated it. I can't spend 3 years somewhere where that level of work would be expected from me again. I'd much rather go to a more relaxed uni where I could actually have a social life and not kill myself working every hour of the day.

I'll be upset if my grades are bad on results day, because I will feel that my work all year was for nothing. But, I'm also half wishing for bad grades so I have an excuse not to go to my firm or insurance. I don't think I'd be brave enough to defy everyone's expectations and ask them to release me.

What should I do?

I choose two very prestigious unis as my firm and insurance, purely because I somehow felt I should. And my school pressurised me into applying to them. I mean literally, the head of my sixth form went as far as phoning my mum.

Now, I realise that I don't want to go to either. I worked so hard throughout sixth form and I hated it. I can't spend 3 years somewhere where that level of work would be expected from me again. I'd much rather go to a more relaxed uni where I could actually have a social life and not kill myself working every hour of the day.

I'll be upset if my grades are bad on results day, because I will feel that my work all year was for nothing. But, I'm also half wishing for bad grades so I have an excuse not to go to my firm or insurance. I don't think I'd be brave enough to defy everyone's expectations and ask them to release me.

What should I do?

Thank you very much for saying that.

My firm is Cambridge and my insurance is Durham. Even thinking about them makes me want to curl into a ball and hide.

What are the unis?

Thank you I guess I'm afraid of annoying people. I really need to talk this through face to face with someone but everyone seems to be biased. Even my careers advisor at school was more concerned about making the school look good by securing prestigious unis for its leavers, than their students' happiness.

Thank you very much for saying that.

My firm is Cambridge and my insurance is Durham. Even thinking about them makes me want to curl into a ball and hide.

I remember you from other threads and that you have previously expressed a lack of confidence in your own abilities. More specifically, you feel that you are 'not clever enough' for Cambridge and that you will flounder and sink when compared to everyone else there. This might be true.

But then agan it might not. It might be that you are very intelligent, a fact recognised by your previous exam results and the expert Cambridge academics who interviewed you and thought you worthy of a rare place.

My suggestion is to wait for your exam results. If you have achieved your offer that is further evidence that you are 'clever enough' and not some kind of fraud. If so, give Cambridge a go. If it doesn't work out you can withdraw and reapply for next year.

Wow you got an offer from Cambridge?!

I empathise with your situation and I agree you shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable. Just go with your gut feeling with a uni from clearing, or take a gap year (if you didn't get the grades).

Anyway I hope it all works out in the end. If you do have to go the uni, you can always transfer directly into Year 2 of your course at a different uni after you finish first year - obviously you'd have to check with the other uni if that's possible, but it'd save you a year of student finance. I didn't like my original uni so that's exactly what I did.

However, as others have mentioned you can restart over from Year 1 at a different uni because SFE gives you a gift year, so you can still do your 3 year course at a new uni after you spend your 1st year at Cambridge/Durham.

What course do you wanna do?
And that course might be available from clearing or adjustment.
Don't loose hope!


Posted from TSR Mobile

Hey, have you looked at adjustment?
Even if you meet your firm/insurance offers, you can choose another uni to go to (as long as they have spaces available)

I think this is as likely to be pre-Results Day loss of confidence (very, very common) as anything else. It seems to me that there's an element of "I'm not going to be good enough" in your thinking. You don't know that, and will never know it if you don't take the opportunities you have been given.

It's worth remembering that at Durham extra-curricular activities are actively encouraged - they definitely subscribe to the 'all study and no play makes Jack a very dull boy" line of thinking. Cambridge is more academically focused, it's true, but people still seem to manage to have a social life that they find rewarding and enjoyable.

All of that said, if you do find on Results Day that although you have the grades you just don't want to go, then say so. That will take a lot of courage, but you will find it if you know you need to.

Thank you. I didn't know you could transfer to the second year at another uni, so that is very helpful!

Definitely speak to your parents and explain how worried you are about burning out if you go somewhere too high pressure. Explain that you're half hoping you miss your offer grades because you're afraid of disappointing them if you go to your firm/insurance but end up failing or dropping out because you aren't happy or can't cope.

If they realise how unhappy this decision is making you and how they're adding to the pressure then there's a good chance they'll surprise you with their response. Most parents want what's best for their children - and most will count "being happy" as an important part of that. The sooner you communicate any doubts and stress the more seriously they are likely to take you. Plus if you do well on results day and end up feeling miserable they'll be able to help instead of forcing you to put on a brave face.

If you have this conversation now then even if you get the grades and decide to go to your firm/insurance this year your parents are going to be more supportive and helpful if you're not happy throughout the year. It's unfortunate that all these decisions come at a time in people's lives where they've got into a habit of keeping secrets from their parents (it's a totally normal part of growing up - wanting to keep your own life and identity separate from your parents). The response of most parents to finding out their child is unhappy at university is usually "I had no idea you were so unhappy" - I know that's what my mum said

Have you tried contacting either your firm/insurance to ask about taking a gap year? That would give you time to reflect on whether this is the right decision (and another shot to apply elsewhere without a bunch of extra stress and tight timescales if you decide it isn't right for you).

No problem! If you do consider doing that, you may want to check out this thread:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1781424

and if you do decide to go through with it, you are free to PM me at any time if anything's unclear or you need advice on something.

Thank you. It honestly isn't just me thinking that I'm not good enough, though. I realise that I probably could get the results Cambrudge and Durham expect if I work my hardest. But, my hardest is very hard. I worked my hardest during sixth form and it was hell. I physically cannot do that for another 3 years. And if that's what life at Cambridge/Durham would be like, I don't want it.

Thank you very much for saying that.

My firm is Cambridge and my insurance is Durham. Even thinking about them makes me want to curl into a ball and hide.