Struggling to find a girlfriend

I'm 21 and I never had a girlfriend before. I always beat myself up about since nearly everybody I know my age and younger got or had boyfriends/girlfriends

The furthest I ever went with a girl was a snog that happened 2 months ago at a nightclub where it was the only time I got lucky. Due to having a form of autism I struggle with communication skills especially towards women. I've been wanting a girlfriend since I was 15 and I never once came close at all.

I've tried dating sites but I had no luck since girls on there just ignored my friend request/messages. I've tried to approach and start conversation with some girls on my nightout with my brother (since I don't have any friends anymore) all they did was walk away from me and looking at my face like they saw something disgusting all the time. Based on my personable experience majority of girls are shallow and vain. I always get judged by the way I look unstead of my personality.

My family and my best mate say I'm a good looking guy but that's what family say to each other anyway. I don't consider myself as a hunk but I'm not ugly as society portrays me to be I'm just near enough average I'd say.

People always been telling me for years that I find that my time will come I'll find someone soon but I just believe it's a load of rubbish bed uses it'll very anyone will have eyes on me. No on has ever liked/fancied me before especially back when I was at school college. I'm not uni and never worked before so I'm living on ESA for 2 years now and one day I'm hoping to get off it.

I know I'm not only one who's going through this since there are people on the The Undateables are just like me but not many understand how much pressure and how much set-loathing we go through tying to cope in modern society

I'm 21 and I never had a girlfriend before. I always beat myself up about since nearly everybody I know my age and younger got or had boyfriends/girlfriends

The furthest I ever went with a girl was a snog that happened 2 months ago at a nightclub where it was the only time I got lucky. Due to having a form of autism I struggle with communication skills especially towards women. I've been wanting a girlfriend since I was 15 and I never once came close at all.

I've tried dating sites but I had no luck since girls on there just ignored my friend request/messages. I've tried to approach and start conversation with some girls on my nightout with my brother (since I don't have any friends anymore) all they did was walk away from me and looking at my face like they saw something disgusting all the time. Based on my personable experience majority of girls are shallow and vain. I always get judged by the way I look unstead of my personality.

My family and my best mate say I'm a good looking guy but that's what family say to each other anyway. I don't consider myself as a hunk but I'm not ugly as society portrays me to be I'm just near enough average I'd say.

People always been telling me for years that I find that my time will come I'll find someone soon but I just believe it's a load of rubbish bed uses it'll very anyone will have eyes on me. No on has ever liked/fancied me before especially back when I was at school college. I'm not uni and never worked before so I'm living on ESA for 2 years now and one day I'm hoping to get off it.

I know I'm not only one who's going through this since there are people on the The Undateables are just like me but not many understand how much pressure and how much set-loathing we go through tying to cope in modern society

I've worked with special needs students during my gap year and became aware of how the smallest form of communication could be so overwhelming. So I empathise with you and your current situation.

The good news is you will overcome this. Through confidence, experience and time you will be able to manage yourself better in the future. My advise to you would be find activities you enjoy. By doing something you love or enjoy, naturally you'll be in your element. Therefore the conversations you have with those in that activity, will be based on a common grounding, easing your worries. You'll make friends this way and potentially even meet a girl. Either way, it's a positive way of upping your confidence levels.
Also don't fret about your looks, women are able to look beyond that. Beauty really does lie in the hands of the beholder. And confidence and kindness will forever be the most attractive qualities in a man.

Wishing you all the best. H. Xx

Anyone got any advice for mine? http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4242734&p=66818874#post66818874

just keep exposing yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable, over time, you will become comfortable. Don't set your expectations high, don't look to get something, just go in there thinking nothing as to have a good time. Take things slowly, try breathing exercises, once again, expose yourself to those situations. You need to get more confident and the only way to do that is to keep doing it and to practice being comfortable with women, you could volunteer, join a club or in general, approach just 2 women a day and over time you should get better. Feel better, go to the gym, wear a good style which fits well, have a good hairstyle, smell well, have good posture.Try online dating, speed dating, meeting women through your family and friends, joining a club, approaching women. Good luck!

If you read the whole post it said that I've had no luck with online dating for years e.g. Tagged, Meet Me etc since girls on there just ignore your messages/friend requests since they only interested in the hot guys besides I think it's pointless wasting money on dating sites just to find a partner when you could get yourself out there and try to find one for free.

I actually do go gym 3-5 days a week but sometimes there are times I lose motivation ending up taking a few weeks off inbetween. I'm not stick thin like I was but I'm not nuclear either I'm just slim build with some muscle definition.

When I've tried approaching girls at the club which they blatantly ignored me I had a haircut, I wore nice clothes, had a wash not long before, wore Hugo Boss aftershave but had no luck. I've been told by a random guy at the club is to be yourself when approaching girls but they'd just look at me funny and walk off holding their friend's hand

I have no hobbies since I'm no good at anything

Sorry I didn't read your opening post.

However, you are only 21, their is no need to be impatient looking for a relationship/girlfriend. Just focus on your life, your ambitions, your hobbies.

You sound like if you don't believe you will ever get a relationship with a female. I am sure as you get older you will meet someone, perhaps through work, through a friend, through someone, through a social event, everyone else has met someone, however, at different ages.

My advice for you is to invest in a dating coach, their must be something you are not doing right, which could be your confidence, your behaviours, the way you talk or you just giving off bad body language.

As you approach more, the more confident you will become.

At 21, you are very, very young.

I'm 21 and I never had a girlfriend before. I always beat myself up about since nearly everybody I know my age and younger got or had boyfriends/girlfriends

The furthest I ever went with a girl was a snog that happened 2 months ago at a nightclub where it was the only time I got lucky. Due to having a form of autism I struggle with communication skills especially towards women. I've been wanting a girlfriend since I was 15 and I never once came close at all.

I've tried dating sites but I had no luck since girls on there just ignored my friend request/messages. I've tried to approach and start conversation with some girls on my nightout with my brother (since I don't have any friends anymore) all they did was walk away from me and looking at my face like they saw something disgusting all the time. Based on my personable experience majority of girls are shallow and vain. I always get judged by the way I look unstead of my personality.

My family and my best mate say I'm a good looking guy but that's what family say to each other anyway. I don't consider myself as a hunk but I'm not ugly as society portrays me to be I'm just near enough average I'd say.

People always been telling me for years that I find that my time will come I'll find someone soon but I just believe it's a load of rubbish bed uses it'll very anyone will have eyes on me. No on has ever liked/fancied me before especially back when I was at school college. I'm not uni and never worked before so I'm living on ESA for 2 years now and one day I'm hoping to get off it.

I know I'm not only one who's going through this since there are people on the The Undateables are just like me but not many understand how much pressure and how much set-loathing we go through tying to cope in modern society

It is better to have never dated to a girl, then to date anything and everything with a heartbeat.

I think you first need to learn to love yourself and build on your self-confidence. Girls aren't as shallow and vain as people think.

Also, people say this to me all the time but, 'you have to love yourself before expecting others to love you'

I do want to believe you but coming from my perspective based what I experienced in my life most girls are shallow with their rediculously over the top checklist on what guys should look/be like.

As for the vain part if you're on social media like Facebook and Instragram I noticed most girls try to be extremely photogenic and to look extremely glamourous with their full HD photo qualities, everything on point such as their hair, makeup, pouting etc and getting 50+ likes on their profile pictures. I'm not making out that girl wearing to look beautiful in their pictures but it gives me a bad impression for myself to assume that they are very likely to vain and arrogant especially coming from a below average looking not so photogenic guy like myself who dresses casual and can't even get 10 likes in my profile picture without including members of my family liking it.

I'll still take your word that not all girls are shallow and vain but I just feel like most of them are. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of guys are like that well but since I'm not sexually attractive to guys I wouldn't understand or really think of it much.

I'm also very self-conscious the amount of likes I get on Facebook/Instagram because I feel I'm pressure to likes and if I don't get likes I feel like I'm some sucker.

A girl who tries to be 'extremely photogenic and to look extremely glamourous with their full HD photo qualities, everything on point such as their hair, makeup, pouting etc and getting 50+ likes on their profile pictures.'.

This can be two things (in my opinion), 1) they are vain or arrogant or 2) they are actually extremely self-conscious about how they look.

I wear make-up and do my hair, simply because I hate the way I look without them. But, everyone sees a picture of me and thinks I love myself, not true.

Likes on Facebook/Instagram are just them, virtual likes. Don't worry about them. Usually the people who get the most likes are the ones with the most followers. nothing to do with the picture itself. Or maybe they like a lot of other peoples pictures so they get lots in return.

I don't do internet dating (esp Tinder), as I find most of the guys are not what I look for in a guy (personality-wise).

I hate when people give this advice, it's such BS and totally nonconstructive.

I've learned the hard way, you've gotta be pro active. Doing nothing and waiting on them will just lead to loneliness.