Muslims help! Losing my faith

Please keep anonymous.

I am a muslim girl and I am losing faith, I am very expressive in my appearance. I like to wear funky colourful clothes, put on dramatic make up, colour my hair, it makes me feel confident. I also have a bubbly personality and am very 'out there' and share pictures online and like to meet new people and talk to people, make them laugh and form special bonds.

However I get judged for this. I get told I will go to Hell for not wearing Hijab so I started wearing it. It limited my creativity but I still found ways to dress it up, my makeup was still bright and I was still confident. Now I am being told that a good Muslim woman should not laugh in public, or wear bright coloured clothes, or makeup, or talk too much or talk to men and if I am seen doing any of those things I get judged and talked bad about.

So all of this was taken from me. I can't express myself now and my confidence dropped a lot. I have low self esteem, I'm depressed and I hate going out now. It's making me lose my faith. I know this world is temporary and in Heaven Insha Allah I'll be able to do as I please but it's so hard to cope with because now I've lost who I was.

Any guidance or advice please?

Literally nothing wrong with what he said, maybe at least explain what you found wrong with his comment, rather than just advising someone to completely ignore a viewpoint contrast to your own.

Encouraging free thinking is to be discouraged?

Disregard being a "good" Muslim and be a good person, hell does not exist and is only there to make you not want to do things that go against the religion. nor does heaven it is a con to make you want to be "good" so you get everything you ever dreamed of.

Be yourself, dye your hair, dress up in short skirts or fancy clothes smile talk be friends with boys and girls, make good friends and be yourself. and most importantly be happy

If you Still doubt it imagine How selfish a God must be to want everyone to Pray to him 5 times a day and not do this and not do that. A very cruel god.


Life without a religion is like life without shackles. except these shackles you put on yourself and only you can take them off

The OP was asked for help to strengthen her faith. I dont think she wanted people to advise her to leave her religion? Most of the things she mentioned does NOT happen in Islam. In nowhere does it mention in the Quran that a woman cannot laugh, talk, or wear bright clothes? In our Pakistani culture we wear bright asian clothes all time! We wear long tops with bright pink patterns on them and embroidered sequins all the time! But we are all Muslims? Nobody should be forced into wearing the hijab and that is WRONG. There is a bigger meaning to the hijab, and its not just a scarf. You should only wear it with the right intentions.

This is why I said this is not the best place to ask for advice regarding the religion of Islam. There are so many people on TheStudentRoom who hate Muslims, call them barbaric and animals, call them ALL killers etc. So is this website REALLY the best place to ask people for advice? A website where Muslims are made to feel unwelcome in the world and their own country? Its better for her to ask a scholar for advice or even her friends (who are Muslims) and for her to also bring along the people who are brainwashing these senseless things into her mind to go with her so they get a better understanding of our religion.

Please keep anonymous.

I am a muslim girl and I am losing faith, I am very expressive in my appearance. I like to wear funky colourful clothes, put on dramatic make up, colour my hair, it makes me feel confident. I also have a bubbly personality and am very 'out there' and share pictures online and like to meet new people and talk to people, make them laugh and form special bonds.

However I get judged for this. I get told I will go to Hell for not wearing Hijab so I started wearing it. It limited my creativity but I still found ways to dress it up, my makeup was still bright and I was still confident. Now I am being told that a good Muslim woman should not laugh in public, or wear bright coloured clothes, or makeup, or talk too much or talk to men and if I am seen doing any of those things I get judged and talked bad about.

So all of this was taken from me. I can't express myself now and my confidence dropped a lot. I have low self esteem, I'm depressed and I hate going out now. It's making me lose my faith. I know this world is temporary and in Heaven Insha Allah I'll be able to do as I please but it's so hard to cope with because now I've lost who I was.

Any guidance or advice please?

I switched faiths... I became agnostic. I

A brightly coloured shalwar kameez doesn't scream 'Islam'; a black burqa does.

Islam is not just the Quran. If something isn't written in the Quran, that doesn't make it un-Islamic. There is a concept of modesty in the religion - laughing (loudly) in public or dressing attractively could come under this depending on how you want to interpret things.

A lot of the people on TSR who you think hate Muslims probably don't do so. Instead, they may oppose Islam/religion. A religion is separate from its followers, but too many religious people don't seem to understand this.

You might feel some things are 'extreme' because you don't follow them and they're not compatible with your way of life, but that doesn't mean they aren't part of Islam. It's just that you follow the religion in your own way (or more likely the way you were brought up with it), just like every other Muslim.

"Good" Muslim or "bad" Muslim, Islam isn't true so ultimately it doesn't matter

It's sort of a clash of the ways of thinking in two parts of the world, some of it cultural and some of it religion.
Like the older generations in my family who were born abroad and quite religious/traditional will be completely against say marrying someone not in the religion.
i.e One of my cousins recently got engaged to a white girl and all the older people talk so badly about them and avoid the two of them like the plague...

Not much you can do about it unfortunately, but still be respectful to your parents/family. They most likely want the best for you.
If what my Mum says is anything to go by (she grew up in quite a traditional household), they're probably thinking that acting like that will make you better potential wife material. i.e You'll have an easier time getting married in future.
It's your familiy's way of trying to look out for you I guess.

Reminds me of my Aunt who was a bit of a geek growing up.
She was super smart and did really well in her A Levels, but got told she couldnt go to Uni because it wasn't the done thing (this might've been religion or cultural tradition - though probably some mix of the two, i don't know).
She put her ambitions on hold and eventually got married to my uncle. Luckily my uncle, being the awesome guy he is (not even joking, funniest guy ever ), said to her that she can go and study if she wants, so she went to Uni as a mature student, got a Computer Science degree and now works as a Programmer.

It's sort of a clash of the ways of thinking in two parts of the world, some of it cultural and some of it religion.
Like the older generations in my family who were born abroad and quite religious/traditional will be completely against say marrying someone not in the religion.
i.e One of my cousins recently got engaged to a white girl and all the older people talk so badly about them and avoid the two of them like the plague...

Not much you can do about it unfortunately, but still be respectful to your parents/family. They most likely want the best for you.
If what my Mum says is anything to go by (she grew up in quite a traditional household), they're probably thinking that acting like that will make you better potential wife material. i.e You'll have an easier time getting married in future.
It's your familiy's way of trying to look out for you I guess.

Reminds me of my Aunt who was a bit of a geek growing up.
She was super smart and did really well in her A Levels, but got told she couldnt go to Uni because it wasn't the done thing (this might've been religion or cultural tradition - though probably some mix of the two, i don't know).
She put her ambitions on hold and eventually got married to my uncle. Luckily my uncle, being the awesome guy he is (not even joking, funniest guy ever ), said to her that she can go and study if she wants, so she went to Uni as a mature student, got a Computer Science degree and now works as a Programmer.

This really isnt the best website to ask.

Edit: Who told you that a Muslim woman cant laugh? Are you serious? You wont go to hell for laughing at a joke?

What about a dirty joke?

Do you want the OP to consult with other Muslims who will tell her she's going to go to hell if she has a personality and enjoys herself? That's pretty sad.

Yh I've never been immodest even when I didnt wear hijab, i never wore sleeveless or shorts and when i wore hijab I tried to wear loose clothing that i liked but its not enough and i get called a slut if i dont wear a top that covers down to my knees! I dont understand it.

The hijabi lifestyle isn't for me if it is so extreme!

I am a muslim aged 16 and I love my religion. No where does it say in the Quran or hadiths that women and men can't laugh and enjoy themselves. But everything comes with its limits. Islam is not a religion that was made to constrict people but to guide them. Muslims think nowadays that the Quran is too strict but it's society that is changing. Haram is becoming more prevalent. You don't get that true brotherly and sisterly love between Muslims anymore. Let me speak to u like a brother. In the Quran it says that women should not wear clothing whereby if they were to stamp their feet their private parts would be visible. Both men and women should be humble and should not raise their voices lest it should attract attention. I'm not the type of person to attack others while being a hippocrite. God is the all seeing and all hearing.
Be happy and extrovert, but never forget that wherever u r represent Islam
In the best way possible not because others r watching u but because ur creator is aware of what u do.
In qudsi 25 bukhari Allah says anyone who shows enmity towards those who r devoted to me is shall be at war with them. My servant draws near to me by doing the compulsory acts (praying and everthing else mentioned in the Quran and Hadith) and the non- obligatory acts. Then it is as if it is my eyes with which she/he hears with and ears with which they hear with.
U can understand from this that if u r truly devoted to ur lord then It is wrong for others to curse u. Although constructive criticism is always important. Listen to ur parents because they love u and keep following what ur creator tells u.
Keep ur head up high because the time is really near. There is a great reward waiting for us inshallah.

Salam
The hijab isn't just a cloth you drape over your head, hijab literally means 'barrier'.
What you have to understand is that when you put a hijab on, you are or should be creating a barrier between you and the opposite gender (which is the whole reason for why it's worn in front of non mahrams only). This includes not displaying immoral behaviour (I'm not saying any of the things you are doing are immoral) as modesty isn't just about what you wear, but it includes your actions too.
I'm not sure where the 'you shouldn't laugh in public' bit came from lol
Maybe it meant laughing loudly and causing a disturbance or annoyance to others?
As a hijabi I'm also quite friendly and talkative when it comes to talking to girls, but with guys (if there is a need to talk to them) I would not display the same kind of behaviour.
The purpose of the hijab is not to attract attention but rather the opposite.
I know where you're coming from as it has also been drilled in me how I should act in public as opposed to how I would at home, but Alhamdulilah it's for the best.
Keep your bubbly happy persona, there is nothing in Islam which says you can't.
May Allah bless you

Hey, I was once in doubting my faith and now i'm an Ex Muslim, if you have any questions or need any support, feel free to message me.

You don't have to lose your personality just to become a better muslim. I know loads of bubbly outgoing hijabis and niqabis. My advice to not lose faith is to try and read ur salaat, and go to Islamic lectures/taleems at least once a week just to help remind u about Islam and keep u on the straight path

Please don't listen to this, go to the Islamic society. Loads of good practising Muslims on there who can help u

No wonder you are losing faith! Muslims can't laugh now? or is it just Muslim girls who aren't allowed to laugh? most likely. just how controlling does your family want to be?

Dont be too religiously strict. Pray 5 times a day if you can, be the best you can be and enjoy your life.I used to listen to strict religious stuff from people and I lost my confidence, my anxiety grew and my career and life goals were ruined.

Yes, always take baby steps towards commitments in Islam. I myself have gradually made myself pray from 1-2 times a day to 5 times a day including additional rakats.

Disregard being a "good" Muslim and be a good person, hell does not exist and is only there to make you not want to do things that go against the religion. nor does heaven it is a con to make you want to be "good" so you get everything you ever dreamed of.Be yourself, dye your hair, dress up in short skirts or fancy clothes smile talk be friends with boys and girls, make good friends and be yourself. and most importantly be happyIf you Still doubt it imagine How selfish a God must be to want everyone to Pray to him 5 times a day and not do this and not do that. A very cruel god.Life without a religion is like life without shackles. except these shackles you put on yourself and only you can take them off

I am not a Muslim but did grow up around Keighley. My observations of the times was that most Muslim women wore beautiful bright and vibrant clothes with jewellery. And they loved a laugh.It sounds to me like you are being threatened with religion by human beings who just want to control you. Be free!Good luck!

Lots of aspects of religion aren't about being a good person or feeling confident about yourself, but about imposing a sense of guilt and fear in order to control your actions. I'd use this as a chance to start questioning whether this religion and the community around it want you to be happy, or if they want to control you, cause frankly it sounds like the latter.

Leave the religion sister. It's making you miserable and stifling who you are. Islam sucks the life out of everything and forbids all things that are enjoyable and fun. It's a tragedy that you've changed yourself so that people don't judge you. Is that really the kind of life you want to lead, where you're depressed and unhappy with the only life you'll ever get for the sake of an imaginary god? why would God forbid you things on earth and make them halal in heaven, just think about that it doesn't make sense.I left Islam a while ago sister and it's the best decision I ever made, if you need to talk about it then I'm here for you xx

By the sounds of it the Muslims in her life are corroding her personality and freedoms... You can't blame people for suggesting she moves away from a toxic environment.OP, live your life how you want to. Don't be held back by your religion, but don't be pushed away from it if you care about it. Read the Quran... Do passages such as 4.34 conform to your world views? What is it specifically about Islam that made you choose it over any other religion/atheism or were you pushed into it? Are you disturbed the possibility of the black abyss of death, or do you take comfort in thoughts of an afterlife?But firstly, get rid of these terrible people in your life. Don't ever let anybody use "being a good Muslim" as justification for being an A-hole.

what kind of people do you hang around with? you need to hang out with different people imo who wont judge you.

Nothing in Islam tells you you have to be sad, so keep smiling girl

Yh **** Islam!( and all religions for that matter) and just leave it. Religion holds you back and makes you miserable unlike what the indoctrinated sheep on this thread are telling you. Do your own research with an open mind and don't talk to any of these religious preachers( Imams etc) as they will never have your best interests at heart.

I left Islam a few years back and I've never been happier. Good luck!

Firstly, society is society.. No matter what you do or say they will judge you. If you don't wear scarf they'll judge you for not being a good Muslim and when you start wearing a scarf they'll start judging you for being too religious but that's just society... Whether you do something good or bad they'll still have something to say about you regardless. You should always ignore what people have to say about you; you should only care about what Allah thinks about you. And who even said Muslim women aren't allowed to laugh in public? That's a really foolish thing to bring forward because that's absolutely not true. Of course you can laugh and hang around with your friends; I know it's different when you're with a guy and people start judging you but they also need to understand that this is the 21st century. If you ever go somewhere to work you won't just find female colleagues and workers.. There'll also be male colleagues and you have to get along with them. Don't ever let people ruin you; that's the worst thing that could happen. Just make sure you pray and read Qur'an.. Continue to be the happy bubbly person you are. And as for make up I'm sure you wear it for yourself to look beautiful so don't let others opinions get to you. People are like that, they'll always put their nose into someone else's business. Ignore the people saying all this unnecessary things; nobody has the right to judge except Allah SWT and indeed Allah is the best of judges. These people need to look at themselves before they try to judge anyone else and even if they think they're perfect they still aren't allowed to judge someone else because that's not their job and Allah hasn't sent them on this earth to judge other people just because they dress differently, look different, talk to different people etc. Don't ever worry about foolish people because they seriously have no life if they have time to actually point out the 'faults' they see in you; they should rather be using that time to make themselves better people but no instead they think it's okay to go judge a Muslim girl to the point where she's starting to lose her imaan. Don't lose your imaan and faith in Allah just because his creations think it's okay to start judging you. Always remember that Allahs opinions matters; not his creations opinions. Obviously no matter what these people won't keep their mouths shut because they're just like that. You'll just have to get use to ignoring them because negative people will always be around. Like in the time of Prophet Muhammad PBUH there were many people who judged him and hated him but today he is the most important human us Muslims and to the Muslim ummah. Our prophet had to go through struggles to get Islam this far today; it wasn't easy for him. He got a lot of hate and verbal abuse from people but yet he still kept going because his faith and trust in Allah SWT was always 100%. Don't lost your faith in Allah; rather put your trust in Allah and Allah will make everything easier for you. Always remember that we are the creations of Allah SWT and only Allah alone has the right to judge us; his creations don't have that right. Be the person you are, be that happy bubbly girl who laughs and wears make up and brightens up everything around her and loves to make new friends. Don't let the opinions of Allahs creation get to you. At the end of the day nobody is perfect my dear sister so don't lose yourself or your imaan. Be yourself; pray; read qur'an; spend the free time you have in the remembrance of Allah and trust me sister.. You will find yourself again. The happy bubbly person that you are. Don't lose faith sister.. Allah is with you I hope my words have helped you in some way; Jazakallahu Khair

Posted from TSR Mobile

Also OP whatever decision you decide don't let other people's negativity influence them, cut out the *****y people from your life and then re-evaluate, you cant allow negative people to shape your view of the world. I am against the very idea of a religion but if following it allows you to be a better person then by all means continue, but alternatively if it is holding you back then don't be afraid to abandon it, it is 2016 after all!!

Salam beautiful! I would absolutely love to talk to you in depth, maybe you coul pm me? I've been through that stage, so much so that I switched faiths... I became agnostic. I know what it's like to have all this jumbled up in your head, so don't worry hayati, we cam talk it through. Xxx

It's sort of a clash of the ways of thinking in two parts of the world, some of it cultural and some of it religion.
Like the older generations in my family who were born abroad and quite religious/traditional will be completely against say marrying someone not in the religion.
i.e One of my cousins recently got engaged to a white girl and all the older people talk so badly about them and avoid the two of them like the plague...

Not much you can do about it unfortunately, but still be respectful to your parents/family. They most likely want the best for you.
If what my Mum says is anything to go by (she grew up in quite a traditional household), they're probably thinking that acting like that will make you better potential wife material. i.e You'll have an easier time getting married in future.
It's your familiy's way of trying to look out for you I guess.

Reminds me of my Aunt who was a bit of a geek growing up.
She was super smart and did really well in her A Levels, but got told she couldnt go to Uni because it wasn't the done thing (this might've been religion or cultural tradition - though probably some mix of the two, i don't know).
She put her ambitions on hold and eventually got married to my uncle. Luckily my uncle, being the awesome guy he is (not even joking, funniest guy ever ), said to her that she can go and study if she wants, so she went to Uni as a mature student, got a Computer Science degree and now works as a Programmer.

worry less about how long your sleeves are and how much you can or cannot laugh or how bright are your clothes (
most people im shocked to have to tell you, dont have to worry about those petty matters ) - just do well at school, get an education, a career, a family , a loyal friends circle , be a decent person etc. these are the important things in life, not what a few nutters may dictate to you to appease some dictats

Please keep anonymous.

I am a muslim girl and I am losing faith, I am very expressive in my appearance. I like to wear funky colourful clothes, put on dramatic make up, colour my hair, it makes me feel confident. I also have a bubbly personality and am very 'out there' and share pictures online and like to meet new people and talk to people, make them laugh and form special bonds.

However I get judged for this. I get told I will go to Hell for not wearing Hijab so I started wearing it. It limited my creativity but I still found ways to dress it up, my makeup was still bright and I was still confident. Now I am being told that a good Muslim woman should not laugh in public, or wear bright coloured clothes, or makeup, or talk too much or talk to men and if I am seen doing any of those things I get judged and talked bad about.

So all of this was taken from me. I can't express myself now and my confidence dropped a lot. I have low self esteem, I'm depressed and I hate going out now. It's making me lose my faith. I know this world is temporary and in Heaven Insha Allah I'll be able to do as I please but it's so hard to cope with because now I've lost who I was.

Any guidance or advice please?

Thank you for responding That is true but like I said to the above person to me it seems that the hijab attracts more attention than it deflects because of the media so in my mind it defeats the purpose.

But in my mind I thought I could defeat that by dressing more 'normally' as in loose pants and a nice top instead of a black abaya or playing around with hijab styles/ makeup/ colours but that was looked down upon and I was told I was showing Islam in a bad light and I needed to be covered properly or no good man would want me.

So I've been trying really hard but it seems so unfair that my brother who is 2 years younger can work over the summer and I get told that a woman cant work in department stores or that he can wear what he wants and stay out until 10pm but I have to wear a dull long clothes and have to be home by 4pm and text my parents where I am at all times. I know they care for me and its for the best but it seems so unfair and it seems extreme. I'm not saying I want to go out naked and stay out until 1am but it still seems unfair that people care so much about what I do and wear and don't care at all what my brother does. I dont know.

Thank you