Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Swinging, polyamory and open relationships

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Why? Because I have too much dignity and self respect to sleep with loads of people?

42% is higher than I would like, but not too bad. And no, most respectable people don't.

Ok sir.

Original post by matatronic

The failure rate of polygamous relationships is higher than the failure rate of monogamous relationships. Just sayin'.

Really? Where did you get this one?
And not polygamy m8, that's several marriages... :colonhash:

I'm talking more about people in a primary relationship, but have other flings, ONS and stuff on the side.

Reply 21

1010marina

I think it can be very positive, particularly if you are in a long term relationship that lacks a particularly spicy sex life.

My father cheated on my mother - if I've learnt a lesson from that it'd be that I'd rather have an open relationship where my fella can admit hankering after another lady than have him slinking around behind my back. So long as I'm still the centre of his life (eg the one he lives with/has children with) I don't see any issues tbh.

Only considered wrong because of the social poison that is religion

Reply 22

Allie4

I've never expected any guy to commit to me fully. I mean I'd like it but I'm realistic and have been cheated on several times in the past (but then I have also cheated once or twice myself) so nowadays I simply tell the guy I'm dating 'if you cheat I cheat too' and just leave it at his peril.

Reply 23

matatronic

Original post by Electrospective

Really? Where did you get this one?

Pretty much all research into the matter. I accept that it's quite difficult to get polygamous people to talk openly about their relationships, due to fears of negative opinions, but it's all we really have to go on. That and... the two open relationships I've been in failed spectacularly, and every open relationship I know of has failed spectacularly. Monogamous relationships are hard, polygamy is harder.

And not polygamy m8, that's several marriages... :colonhash:

I'm talking more about people in a primary relationship, but have other flings, ONS and stuff on the side.

I'm well aware, but there's very little research ( that I can find ) comparing being a slut with being in a monogamous relationship.

To answer your OP:

No, I would never swing. Everyone I know who swings is of questionable moral virtue and/or has some pretty insidious mental health problems.

As for open relationships, I'd never go down that road again. It's sometimes fun, but more often fraught with emotional landmines that are hard to navigate at the best of times. That being said, if you're capable of framing the relationship from the word go and establishing reasonable boundaries for such behaviour then more power to you. My reasonable boundaries, however, include things like "don't go off and sleep with other people like a cheap slut". That's not to say I'm against the idea of being in a relationship in which we bring some interesting people into the mix every once in a while, because I'm definitely not against that idea, but not as a consistent thing, not behind each other's backs, and not if it involves making a cuck out of me or her.

Reply 24

TheIr0nDuke

Original post by matatronic

I mean, if you're defining "more respectable people" as "people who don't engage in activities such as swinging, polygamy or open relationships", then yeah... that statement is obviously true.

I wasn't. Most respectable people don't cheat.

Reply 25

matatronic

Original post by TheIr0nDuke

I wasn't. Most respectable people don't cheat.

I mean... I'm struggling to tell if you're being serious or not. If you are, prove that statement to be true.

Reply 26

TheIr0nDuke

Original post by matatronic

I mean... I'm struggling to tell if you're being serious or not. If you are, prove that statement to be true.

Those who cheat go against the very definition of the word 'respectable'. Has Google gotten harder to use?

Reply 27

MrsSheldonCooper

I wouldn't really be horrible about anyone whose a swinger or in a polyamourous relationship but I don't think I could do it.. One man is demanding enough :colonhash:

Reply 28

abc:)

Original post by Electrospective

Monogamy has a high failure rate, let's be real. :colonhash:

Have you ever thought about going beyond monogamy? Are any of the above something you'd consider or even try? If no, why not?

It does have a high failure rate, but I'd be interested to see whether swingers or polygamist couples are any more successful. Often these are people who have been together for a long time anyway, before they move into this, so that would have to be taken into account.

I think if it feels right for you and your partner, do it, whether that's monogamy or anything else. I don't buy the argument, however, that these relationships are better, more successful, more 'natural' or whatever else. A successful relationship is simply one you both want, full stop.

Me personally, I wouldn't do it. I enjoy monogamous relationships too much and I'd lose something from a relationship if it weren't monogamous.

Reply 29

Electrospective

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

I wouldn't really be horrible about anyone whose a swinger or in a polyamourous relationship but I don't think I could do it.. One man is demanding enough :colonhash:

Who says it has to me a man? :sexface:

Reply 30

Hamo2509

At the beginning of my relationship my boyfriend and I were open. It was very satisfying sexually. We both had history of cheating in previous relationships and worried about hurting each other by doing that. However, we realised after a few months that we lacked the emotional closeness monogamy and fully trusting someone brings. Since December we've been entirely faithful to each other and it's brought us really close and taken our relationship to a deeper level.
For someone who has sworn off monogamy so many times in my life, I'm now converted. I have never committed to someone on this level before and, surprisingly, it's really rewarding.