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Cultivating relationships: the initial impression/stammering

Dear fellow TSR users,

I imagine that I do not bear this concern alone, but I often feel anxious about the first impression, particularly with those of and around my age (18), and more specifically with girls, which I have no doubt is exacerbated by a stammer with which I personally contend sometimes.

In a broader context, I do find that girls are, to a point at least, interested in speaking with me and approach me at social events and parties, only to be let down, as I feel, by the dysfluency that I demonstrate at times.

Please, imagine you are speaking to me or someone who has a similar problem: would you as a general rule feel wholly 'turned off' and wish to exit the conversation or would you persevere? And more broadly, how critical is the initial impression in creating and developing lasting relationships in your judgement?

Thank you!
(edited 7 years ago)

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Reply 1
Avatar for Sorani
Sorani
16
My first, and possibly only, question: Do you speak in real life the way you've typed this post?
Original post by Sorani
My first, and possibly only, question: Do you speak in real life the way you've typed this post?


My style in both modes is similar. I really don't mean for the style to become a barrier to entry, as it were, but part of my reasoning I suppose is that it might serve as a counterpoint to the stammer.
Reply 3
Avatar for UWS
UWS
21
Well if you speak like that in real life then any girl will probably think you swallowed the Oxford dictionary
Original post by UWS
Well if you speak like that in real life then any girl will probably think you swallowed the Oxford dictionary


My preference for consumption would ideally be A Dictionary of the English Language (S. Johnson, 1755). In all fairness though, that would not be my intention!
Original post by Mr Diphthong
My preference for consumption would ideally be A Dictionary of the English Language (S. Johnson, 1755). In all fairness though, that would not be my intention!


Are you one of those guys who are very traditional and stuck by rules of life for the majority? You sound like it and your name sounds like it.
If you are approached in social situations then girls clearly find you attractive. I doubt anyone sincere would be put off by a stammer. I personally would be far more interested in the conversation itself than your stutter. I would suggest maybe that you leave Samuel Johnson behind and try something a little more modern for everyday conversation. That's your problem!!
Original post by ckfeister
Are you one of those guys who are very traditional and stuck by rules of life for the majority? You sound like it and your name sounds like it.


I suppose that I live in a more traditional household, yes, which has influenced me to a point. I do however try not to be bound by traditionalism too greatly.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Mr Diphthong
I suppose that I live in a more traditional household, yes, which has influenced me to a point. I do however try not to be bound by traditionalism too greatly.


What you think of LBGT
Original post by Sammylou40
If you are approached in social situations then girls clearly find you attractive. I doubt anyone sincere would be put off by a stammer. I personally would be far more interested in the conversation itself than your stutter. I would suggest maybe that you leave Samuel Johnson behind and try something a little more modern for everyday conversation. That's your problem!!


Thank you for your input. Do you have any further advice regarding how to approach and sustain the initial conversation with someone?
Original post by ckfeister
What you think of LBGT


I take no issue per se with the way in which people choose to identify or conduct their lives, as that constitutes part of their personal liberty. My counter question however would be to what extent must I or anybody participate in the self-image of an LGBT individual?
Original post by Mr Diphthong
I take no issue per se with the way in which people choose to identify or conduct their lives, as that constitutes part of their personal liberty. My counter question however would be to what extent must I or anybody participate in the self-image of an LGBT individual?


Its not a choice, so your one of those guys.
Reply 12
Avatar for Tom489
Tom489
Bloody hell, it was a post about his problem not LGBT. I guess you're one of those guys then?
Original post by ckfeister
Its not a choice, so your one of those guys.


The discussion of free will is integral to this debate. With all due respect though this is not a thread (directly) about the LGBT community.
Original post by Tom489
Bloody hell, it was a post about his problem not LGBT. I guess you're one of those guys then?


Original post by Mr Diphthong
The discussion of free will is integral to this debate. With all due respect though this is not a thread (directly) about the LGBT community.


I'm testing his views, so his in a minority of young generation " traditional ", so your going to find it harder than others getting girlfriend... just saying.
Original post by ckfeister
I'm testing his views, so his in a minority of young generation " traditional ", so your going to find it harder than others getting girlfriend... just saying.


Do you think therefore that a potential 'incompatibility' of worldviews can jeopardise a relationship or even prevent one from developing?
I quite like that way of speaking you've got going on there but there's three issues:

A) I'm not a girl, and I'd probably be described as a bit odd by the average person
B) A stammer must really ruin the overall aesthetic of that traditional way of speaking
C) I've only ever seen this sort of style written so idk what I'd think of somebody actually speaking like it.

Overall: Your dating game is on hard mode.
Original post by Mr Diphthong
Do you think therefore that a potential 'incompatibility' of worldviews can jeopardise a relationship or even prevent one from developing?


That can matter to quite a number of people. It would depend on the exact subjects you've got disagreeing views on.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Retired_Messiah
I quite like that way of speaking you've got going on there but there's three issues:

A) I'm not a girl, and I'd probably be described as a bit odd by the average person
B) A stammer must really ruin the overall aesthetic of that traditional way of speaking
C) I've only ever seen this sort of style written so idk what I'd think of somebody actually speaking like it.

Overall: Your dating game is on hard mode.


That can matter to quite a number of people. It would depend on the exact subjects you've got disagreeing views on.


Assuming no impossibilities then, how would you improve someone's prospects were they like the individual you have described?
Original post by Mr Diphthong
Assuming no impossibilities then, how would you improve someone's prospects were they like the individual you have described?

I'm not really sure what could be done with your way of living life to let you appeal to more "mainstream" lasses unless you were perfectly okay with pretending to be somebody you aren't.

There will be people out there that like you for how you are, it's just a case of finding them, which is something nobody on here can really help you much with.
Original post by Retired_Messiah
I'm not really sure what could be done with your way of living life to let you appeal to more "mainstream" lasses unless you were perfectly okay with pretending to be somebody you aren't.

There will be people out there that like you for how you are, it's just a case of finding them, which is something nobody on here can really help you much with.


Well regardless thank you for responding to my thread. It seems to me that at times flexibility is perhaps better than total obstinacy with respect to some worldviews.

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