The Student Room Group

Why do guys in my new city look straight past me?

In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).


Because you're just another stranger.
Reply 2
Because they don't care about complete strangers?
"how dare you objectify women by looking at us and talking and harassing us"

"why are you not looking at me omg just talk to me someone"
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).


Part in bold. More anonymous. More strangers. You can live in a big city and never know your neighbours. I lived in a somewhat big complex, and didn't know anyone except the concierge.
Original post by Anonymous
In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).


Are you really that concerned that you have to make a thread about it? Pretty sure 9/10 people are in your situation.
I thought women were "traumatised" by random men approaching them. Interesting.
Grow a beard + get a tan and you'll get lots of attention when you step on the bus / tube.

Lol.
what would you rate yourself out of 10, and how old are you?

and this is my opinion so take with a pinch of salt but :

in a smaller city: big fish in a small pond

in a bigger city: big fish in a very large pond

and i doubt they're avoiding you or looking at you like you're disgusting, they're probably acting neutral as they would with a man but it seems alien to you because you're not used to 'normal' treatment :dontknow:

Reply 9
People don't behave the same way everywhere in the country - in fact some cities are just full of really weird people. Sometimes you move to a new place and you just don't gel with it. I should know, I've lived in a **** city for 5 years and I'm fed up. All you can do is keep trying, make an effort to socialise with people and if they don't respond to you, that's their problem. It's your job to be a good person and make sure people notice you for your values rather than what you look like. I suggest you work hard to move back to your home city if that's where you feel most comfortable. That's what I'm trying to do - as soon as I've finished a degree, I'm done with **** places and I'll move back to my home city even if the only work I get is cleaning. What a lot of people don't understand is that home is where the heart is - it doesn't have to be the place you live in right now, but there's only one place many of us call home. I'd live in a squalid room in my home city and go out to live my life there rather than live in a nice house in a city I hate, but stay inside all day. Sometimes I haven't been outside in 10 days because I hate it so much here. What I would encourage you to do is keep making an effort because sometimes these things pass, but if you still get to a point where you can't stand being in this city, then do your best to move. Life is too short to live in a place you hate and waste your time with ignorant people.
Take your ego down a notch, this kind of treatment will be good for you. I hate to sound harsh but you're not a special snowflake, pretty or not.
Bigger cities are busier, guys don't have time to be checking you out just to boost your ego
Original post by Anonymous
In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).


Here's what happens

If you look like Pamela Anderson of the 1990s, men are intimidated by you, and presume you are already taken by a high status male. Men are afraid to approach.

If you are average, and look like someone from Coronation Street, you get more attention, because you are easier meat, and a bit more common.

That's life.
Reply 13
First world problems.
You can feel much lonelier in a crowd/larger city than in a small town. In a small(ish) town people are more aware of their community and the people in it. In a large city people are living their life, going to work, and are generally more busy. People there have their friend groups but a connection to strangers in their community doesn't exist. They probably don't notice you...not because you're not pretty or awesome but because they're focused on their own life living in their own world within the city. It is important to have a personal group/connection within a large city. Plus, men are constantly told that it is rude to approach a random women telling her how beautiful she is. In a large cosmopolitan city no decent guy would ever do that, even if they think it (unless they were drunk at a club). You live in a different style community now. Besides in this city if some random guy did approach you and asked you for your number and told you you are beautiful how would you react? Would you be receptive, chat and give him your number or would you walk away? I think most women would be uncomfortable and skeptical and walk away - so why would a guy put himself in that position? So, find your smaller group....if you're at uni join societies, find volunteer opportunities or join a religious organization that is how you will meet friends and guys and once they get to know you and are more comfortable then they'll ask you out and compliment you etc. It's nothing personal against you and you can't perceive it that way. Good Luck.
Original post by Anonymous
In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).


They're not approaching you because there are more male feminists in cities and chatting you up would run risk of being accused of sexual harrassment
Original post by Anonymous
In the previous cities that I lived in I got frequent male attention on a daily basis. I got stopped by random men asking me for my number, stared at or complimenting me on how 'beautiful' I was almost everyday.

Then I moved to a new bigger city, and it was like I became invisible to men. I still looked the exact same as before. I would walk down the street and they literally wouldn't look my way for one second. They all looked straight past me when I walked past them, whether I was walking on the pavement on my way to lectures or in the shopping centre etc. In fact it's like they go out of the way to avoid looking at me, they don't even look my direction once as if I have some contagious illness that if they look at me for half a second they would drop dead or something.

I remember being at one party talking to a group of people and this one guy literally acted like I wasn't there, when other people were talking he would look at them but when I spoke he literally wouldn't look at me for one second at all. It's happened numerous times.

My friend said my height may be perceived as intimidating, as I'm a 5'10 tall girl. But still, it's the complete opposite experience of the previous cities I lived in. Does anyone know why this occurred? (I don't feel comfortable posting a pic btw so please don't ask for one).


Actually the advice that you really need is, that you should try and develop self-esteem that is not based on superficial compliments from random strangers.
Poor you.:console: Now get used to being invisible.:yawn:
Original post by Gorillion
I thought women were "traumatised" by random men approaching them. Interesting.


How is that "interesting"? One person's experience is supposed to now represent half the population? Some women don't like being chatted up and find it intimidating or annoying and some women like to be chatted up as it brightens their day. Is that a hard concept for your gorilla brain to grasp? :P
Have you just moved to London? If so, this makes perfect sense

Quick Reply

Latest