Please HELP - Just had MASSIVE PHYSICAL FIGHT WITH MY FAMILY!!

Was just at a restaurant with my family I ordered some onion bhajis, my youngest brother said he wanted one and reached out for it with his fork. I said no I ordered this you could have ordered it yourself. All of a sudden my parents go nuts yelling at me that I'm very selfish that's why my brother doesn't like me. Then my dad goes "maybe that's why your friendships don't last" which made me so ****ing angry because he doesn't ****ing know what he's talking about. So to cool myself down I walk off and leave the restaurant & sit on a bench outside so I can calm down. About 20 mins later my brother is yelling at me saying everyone is disappointed at me look at me ruining everything to get in the car then my dad comes out telling me to get in the car. I yelled you're the reason I won't, what you said really hurt me then he goes mental. Starts kicking me, hitting me, I ran away from him hitting me then tripped over a bench and landed on the ground. He goes "good for you serves you right", then my other younger brother comes starts yelling at me, saying "I ruin this family every ****ing day". Then he starts kicking me and going nuts. Other brother was trying to hold him back, then my dad said "get in the car" I said "not until you apologise for what you said", he told me "I'm one child out of three who always exhausts them". Only times we've ever had fights and fall outs is when I had depression, because I was bullied in school. They weren't supportive of my depression, we used to have physical fights over it. They used to call me selfish and make me feel bad over it, I wasn't even the one who told them. My school would ring up telling them or counsellors. Then I yelled at my dad you were never supportive of me when I was depressed, my other brother comes at me & starts strangling my neck saying how dare you. I ended up getting into the car, but now I'm not talking to any of them. I don't want to be anywhere near them, since I've come home from uni I've mostly been minding my own business. They've been on my case calling me fat telling me off whenever they see me eating. This morning I was minding my own business, listening to music with headphones in, my mum starts saying to my brother look how fat her stomach is, lifts my top up (she's been going on about it for weeks) and they're both laughing. I confided in my dad about 2 friends in uni who I fell out with, I have always been very nice to them and helped them out. One of them admitted that she used to be a bully, started turning on some lovely girls we met in uni and being nasty to them then turned on me, the other one is really islamophobic, called Chinese and Indians 'inferior races' and 'hates all of them' & is quite *****y. I am so hurt that my dad could turn those two friendship fallouts on me when I have numerous other friends who I have always been there for and cared for, even when they had no one else. I'm so upset and angry right now. What do I do?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Sorry I'll post the OP again to make it easier to read x

Was just at a restaurant with my family I ordered some onion bhajis, my youngest brother said he wanted one and reached out for it with his fork. I said no I ordered this you could have ordered it yourself. All of a sudden my parents go nuts yelling at me that I'm very selfish that's why my brother doesn't like me.
Then my dad goes "maybe that's why your friendships don't last" which made me so ****ing angry because he doesn't ****ing know what he's talking about. So to cool myself down I walk off and leave the restaurant & sit on a bench outside so I can calm down. About 20 mins later my brother is yelling at me saying everyone is disappointed at me look at me ruining everything to get in the car then my dad comes out telling me to get in the car. I yelled you're the reason I won't, what you said really hurt me then he goes mental. Starts kicking me, hitting me, I ran away from him hitting me then tripped over a bench and landed on the ground.
He goes "good for you serves you right", then my other younger brother comes starts yelling at me, saying "I ruin this family every ****ing day". Then he starts kicking me and going nuts. Other brother was trying to hold him back, then my dad said "get in the car" I said "not until you apologise for what you said", he told me "I'm one child out of three who always exhausts them". Only times we've ever had fights and fall outs is when I had depression, because I was bullied in school. They weren't supportive of my depression, we used to have physical fights over it. They used to call me selfish and make me feel bad over it, I wasn't even the one who told them.
My school would ring up telling them or counsellors. Then I yelled at my dad you were never supportive of me when I was depressed, my other brother comes at me & starts strangling my neck saying how dare you. I ended up getting into the car, but now I'm not talking to any of them. I don't want to be anywhere near them, since I've come home from uni I've mostly been minding my own business. They've been on my case calling me fat telling me off whenever they see me eating. This morning I was minding my own business, listening to music with headphones in, my mum starts saying to my brother look how fat her stomach is, lifts my top up (she's been going on about it for weeks) and they're both laughing.
I confided in my dad about 2 friends in uni who I fell out with, I have always been very nice to them and helped them out. One of them admitted that she used to be a bully, started turning on some lovely girls we met in uni and being nasty to them then turned on me, the other one is really islamophobic, called Chinese and Indians 'inferior races' and 'hates all of them' & is quite *****y. I am so hurt that my dad could turn those two friendship fallouts on me when I have numerous other friends who I have always been there for and cared for, even when they had no one else. I'm so upset and angry right now. What do I do?

Reply 2

TercioOfParma

You know you can put your Dad in a cell over that sort of behavior? He probably has problems of his own it sounds like.

At the very least I would say cut your dad out of your life. I did, and while it hurts initially, it gets a lot easier after a while.

Reply 3

HelpfulMum

I'm so sorry for you, this is a terrible way to be treated by your brothers and parents who clearly have no respect for women, are you a young Muslim ? If so there is a support network called Muslim Women's Network Uk that has advice and a helpline for support X please google it and call them for some help

Reply 4

Polka_Specs

I really feel for you , I've been through this before so I can speak from experience.

Reply 5

Zakriah

The best thing you can do now is just try to limit the contact you have with them. Find reasons to leave the house or make up an excuse which means you have to stay in your room i.e sick. Until you move out, you are pretty much stuck with them and i wouldn't advise running away because it would just make the situation worse. Of course you will have to interact with them and i don't want to have to say this but you would have to try and conform to them as much as possible because they would be looking for excuses to shout and hit you. Just focus on your studies, find some work experience, internships etc during holidays just to be able to get away from them and this also ensures you have a bright future in which you will become self sufficient and no longer needing to rely on them. There are perhaps going to be many times when you feel the way you do now, but you have to try and move on as quickly as possible and look towards the end goal. There's not much else i can say now except stay strong and i'm sure everything will work out fine in the end. Feel free to pm me if you are ever feeling stressed out :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all of the kind words all. This morning I'm not speaking to any of them.

Reply 7

Hevachan

Wow I'm really shocked reading your post about the way you've been treated. That must have been a horrible experience. Is there anyway you can move into your university accommodation for the rest of the summer? I would recommend you contact your university welfare office to support you during this time. Physical and emotional abuse is NOT okay!! You need to escape the situation and receive after support because of the emotional damage they've done

Reply 8

999tigger

I think you wildlut overreacted over the bhajis and are a bit volatile.

You know what they are like so act accordingly instead of giving them ammunition.

Your parents sound poor and I wouldnt trust them.

Your best strategy is to keep a low profile, mend some fences and ignore them.

In the meantime get a job and move out or be ready to go back to uni. I would be aiming for a state of independencce where I didnt have to deal with them and that entails you getting a job so you can survive on your own. Im not sure I would feel inclined to apologise. Tbh it sounds like your brothers going to be on your case for many years so just avoid him.

Do the smart thing and follow the stragey that gives you most benefit and or least hassle. that isnt always confrontation or going toe to toe about things.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by SalazarSlytherin

How old are you? You acted like an 8 year old

Everything has been building up, constantly calling me fat and on my neck all of the time whenever I eat any food, then my dad having the nerve to turn 2 friendship fallouts with two people that have questionable characters against me, after I had done so much for these friends and have always done a lot for my friends. I didn't want to shout at him in the restaurant plus I was getting upset, tears started falling so I walked outside so that I could cool off and calm down. I don't see how walking away from a hostile situation to get some air is acting like an 8 year old but ok.

Reply 10

Pinkberry_y

Original post by Anonymous

OP report you dad to the police. Phone samaratins and ask them for the advice on what to do and the steps to take. But what's going on here is abuse at all levels: verbal, emotional and physical by all members of your family. You're going back to uni soon anyway, so it's not like you'll become homeless because your parents have kicked you out for reporting them. But seriously report them ASAP. Your dad needs to know he can't treat his daughter like this

Reply 11

Pinkberry_y

Original post by SalazarSlytherin

How old are you? You acted like an 8 year old

That doesn't in anyway excuse her dad hitting her or her brother hitting her. In public as well. From what I've read, she's being treated like an animal by her family. OP your age has nothing to do with this, no one of any age should be treated like this. Report them.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

It wasn't the bhajis that got me upset, it was what my dad had said afterwards.

Reply 13

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

It wasn't the bhajis that got me upset, it was what my dad had said afterwards.

I mean it set you off and you let it. Upi need to chill a bit and not give them ammunition. Its disappointing when you find out your parents are rubbish, but for now you need to pick your battles.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by SalazarSlytherin

How old are you? You acted like an 8 year old

Sounds like you're used to physical abuse in a family setting so you should get help that for that. Her going outside to cool down doesn't warrant her father and brothers kicking, strangling and hitting her in a public place.

Reply 15

Anonymous #2

Original post by SalazarSlytherin

How old are you? You acted like an 8 year old

Also did you not see the part where said her family keep calling her fat, even exposing her stomach just to laugh at her? Pure emotional abuse. Or how they made her feel bad for having depression? You sound sick, and I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up being an abusive parent yourself.

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

I hope you're okay baby :frown:

I feel so upset for you, you absolutely do not deserve that and should never ever be treated that way. No human being should. The actions of your father is disgusting. No parent should be allowed to hurt their children that way, it is plain wrong. There are many people here for you if you need to talk and vent. I would react the same way about the food if it had been building up. In order to make things better you need to talk to maybe another relative outside that you can easily confide in and will back you up to further help you. Because if your family didn't listen to councillors when you had depression they may not listen at all to another outside person X here's a hug :console:

Reply 17

SalazarSlytherin

Original post by Anonymous

I dont want to be a parent but if I was and my kid said this, I would be pissed off
"no I ordered this you could have ordered it yourself "

Oh and who was paying for the meal?????

Reply 18

Claire461

Original post by SalazarSlytherin

I dont want to be a parent but if I was and my kid said this, I would be pissed off
"no I ordered this you could have ordered it yourself "

Oh and who was paying for the meal?????

ITmatters not one jot whether she behaved childishly or not. They had no right to put their hands on her. She stated that she left the restaurant to get away from them, and they continued with their abuse.
She needs help and support to deal with this crisis and not to be ridiculed. Living in an wnvironment where there is physical violence in the home is traumatic in itself, but a sibling who takes his cue from his father - well, that says it all and encourages a cycle of abuse.

Reply 19

asif007

My assumption is that this wasn't a one-off incident - I reckon you've probably been suffering a lot of stress at the hands of your family and everything just came to a head last night. It was really unfair of your parents to hurt you physically in public when they could just as easily have been diplomatic. Your brothers were obviously following your dad's example by hurting you too, and that's really stupid of them. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that South Asian families are never diplomatic about domestic issues and they always like to make a scene (I'm assuming you are actually from a South Asian family, haha). You did the right thing by standing up to them, but what you do next is crucial.

Don't try and make up with them - that time is gone. Instead you can refuse to do anything with them for the rest of the summer - let them come and apologise to you. If they don't, LEAVE as soon as possible. I don't know if you go to uni away from home but if you don't, you can easily move out and rent a room in a student house or live in private student accommodation blocks. You can sign a tenancy from early September for the whole year and that way, if anything like this happens again at home, you have somewhere else to stay. If that doesn't work out, try and stay with friends until you get back on your feet. I'd recommend getting a part-time job to keep yourself busy until uni starts again, and it also gives you an excuse not to go home that regularly. I think you would benefit from living in a different place for a while to gain some independence. Families behave differently when they miss you as opposed to when you're living with them - if you've been away for a while they might try and make up for what they've done. None of this is your fault.

Until you can move, if anything like this happens again then I'd suggest you stand up for yourself and throw some insults back at them. The silent treatment always works well, but if not then there must be other things you can pick out. As harsh as it sounds, you can't be the only person in your family who struggles with their weight. Give them a taste of their own medicine, don't take any **** from them and be confident in your own abilities. If they're not going to respect you like a human being, you don't have to treat them like your family. Simple. :smile: