<a https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7467335'> Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Can I ever succeed at a relationship...

abc:)

... if I've never grown up with one?

They say you learn about relationships from your parents, and people whose parents stay together for life are more likely to have lifelong relationships. The reason being that they live with both their parents and see what it takes to keep a relationship going, and learn the behaviours which are needed.

I've always grown up with just my Mum who has had a succession of relationships lasting between a year and a few years. Now she's been married for a couple of years but this relationship seems strained too. I don't blame her for any of this, and obviously I'm concerned for her and her wellbeing, not just myself.

I just have a pessimistic feeling sometimes that maybe I'll be lacking something in the future which you need to sustain a relationship for life. I'll be really devastated if I end up the same when I'm older :frown:

Reply 1

Bellamione

Right now, it sounds like the only thing you can lack is confidence :/ I don't think growing up with a relationship makes you more capable of succeeding at a relationship, unless you try to do everything like your parents. It's true it can also be a way to receive good dating advice, but in this end, the success of your relationship depend on what you make of it. Try to focus on the fact that you're an individual being, which means you live yourlife/love-live your own way ! :wink:

Reply 2

username1726117

Upbringing can have an effect on the quality of relationships you engage in; if you think you're disadvantaged by this then self-help books/therapy can help you identify potential issues and work on them.

That said, as long as you're happy with yourself then generally speaking you will attract the right people. :smile:

Reply 3

Laurasaur

Original post by abc:)

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MUM. There have probably been psychological studies that show a correlation between parents' relationships and their offsprings', but remember that correlation does not mean cause.

As you go through relationships, you learn from your mistakes and work out how to be a good partner. This comes from YOU. You could also learn vicariously from your mother's mistakes.

It mainly takes compatibility, an open mind and good communication. The rest depends on your traits - trust, honesty, empathy, kindness, humour, libido etc.

Reply 4

Pinkberry_y

Original post by abc:)

No. You're confined to the only option you have: the crazy cat lady

Reply 5

Rum Ham

I used to be scared that my love life would turn out like my mum's - she went for all the wrong men, got abused, didn't settle down with someone decent until she was in her 40s but I was lucky to find someone perfect for me at a young age and the relationship has lasted way longer than any of my mum's relationships and my dad's too for that matter. I do agree that your relationship with your parents plus witnessing their relationship experiences can influence your feelings and predictions about your own future relationships, but it doesn't determine your future. Only you, your parent and whatever situations you face together can determine the success or failure of a relationship.